Companion

Craig's POV

'Earlier at the cafe when Alicia left, my mind was in shambles as Alicia's words dawned on me and the mere fact that not all women will hurt me, not all love can change me, but no matter what she says, it will not change my perspective about women. Even though she's an opinionated woman that likes to voice out her thoughts, it will not change anything.'

'You may think of it as very unusual of me not liking women but I have my reason. When I was young, I was in a bad place but I had someone who tried to make me happy. I thought she could be trusted because she was the one who had always been there for me and she was family. You might be wondering if she's family, why is there a was instead of is. To answer that, she used me. Now tell me, how can I trust someone again when the one time I tried to do it they ended up ruining and betraying my trust.'

'Others will say it's just one woman that hurt you, but are you sure that the person I'm pointing out is the first person that betrayed me? You're wrong about that. I can still remember what happened that night and I wish I never witnessed it. No matter how I try to forget about it, it's bugging me; It's bugging my everyday life. I didn't expect myself to still be affected by what occurred in the past, but it's a lot harder when the reason for my deep wound has agonized and tormented my soul. Then, another person came into my life and I wish I never met her because she is the reason why my perception of love brought to a joke and I just came to the point where I don't care anymore.'

'If other people were in my situation maybe they will try to forget every memory that happened in the past and move on. 'But, it's not that easy. The pain of betrayal that not only one but two-person, specifically two women managed to put a scar on my heart.'

If someone will ask me why I'm still not okay if it happened a long time ago then my answer would be this; I was never okay in the first place. The past managed to hurt me to the point that every memory is still lingering on my mind. The wounds I had carried for a decade never left. I continuously remember everything because there is that tiny fragment that I tried to conceal, but it always got out. It happened a long time ago and I could have forgotten that it had ever existed but I chose not to. It's like a constant reminder for me to be wary of every person that I would meet.'

'I don't know why but I'm suddenly affected by Alicia's strong rebuttal of me inflicting pain to others instead of myself. But isn't that better? because if you have already experienced too much pain, you don't want to keep any more excess baggage because you have a lot on your plate already?'

'I know she felt insulted about what I said and I can see that in her face, but it was not my intention to insult her. After a few minutes staying in the cafe, I left to go back to the hotel but before I could do it, I stop because unfortunately, I can't get off my mind her faced that had this calm demeanor that you would believe it's real, but I know my words have strongly affected her.'

'I run as fast as I could to see if I will catch up to where she had gone through but I didn't see her, so I made up my mind to go back and I will just talk to her tomorrow so that we could both work on our parts in this project and for my mind to relax as well.'

'Before I could go back I heard a scream, more like a woman asking for help, but the voice was familiar. Thinking that it was the voice that I thought in my mind, I immediately went in that direction but what I saw sent my whole being into flames and all my pent-up anger rose.'

'My knuckles flew to the bastard's face for pointing his knife at Alicia. Every punch I did to him from his face up to his gut was not enough to alleviate anger. I only stop when he passed out.'

'I asked her if she was alright or hurt anywhere but I was shocked that she hugged me. It stunned my whole being and I felt clueless because I didn't know what to do, in the end, I just let her hug me and I consoled her.'

'When she was finally done letting out all her tears, I asked her the same question that I asked earlier.'

"Are you alright now?" I asked her but she thought it through first before answering me. "I'm fine."

I scoff at her when she lied. "Liar" 'She looks at me with a gaze that is asking me how did I know that she lied. Well, it was pretty obvious judging by all the tears that she shed and her reaction. I also know it because when she replied to me that she's fine, I knew she lied. Why? Because it is the most common word that everyone says when they are asked by someone and truthfully, the most common lie in the world that I have heard.

'Why will someone say that they're fine when deep inside they know that they're not? What's the point of lying when it clearly shows on your face? But, who am I to argue on that? When I myself have constantly used those words time and time again.'

'We walked together to go back but before she could take another step, I held her hand and brought her to sit on the bench because I want to clear our misunderstanding earlier.' "Let's talk,"

'Then, I realize that as I age and grow older, and in the blink of an eye a year will pass. Sometimes, I can't help but think what if I had a friend again who I can be true and honest about my feelings, who will hear me out while I blurt out the words I'm not fine, I'm not okay or someone that will accompany me. It's a very nice thought but no thanks. Keep it to yourself.'

'Why should I let them? How can they say that they will understand me if I don't want to divulge my secrets because I don't want to be in that same position again where I will be reminded of every pain I felt? They will tell me that not all pain should be kept, that it should be let out for others to understand our every sentiment, every pain.'

'We will be happy because finally, we have someone to walk the same path with us, to embark on the journey of a lifetime, to experience contentment and pure happiness. These feelings may seem pleasant and their joy will blossom to us like magic. But magic is not real. It is just an illusion created for us and eventually, it will fade. Nothing lasts forever.'

'We have someone to lean on? You got it all wrong. Because in this cruel world where our lives are bound by norms, that our freedom that should be ours for us to enjoy is not free at all. It's all a facade. Such words make us happy, make us believe that it's possible to achieve everything through thick and thin, that any boundaries we face are constantly blocking us, we will be able to overcome it but it is not easy. It never was, It never will.'

'Our lives will get easier if we just put our faith, trust, and belief in them. They say that it's a stepping stone through reaching the top of the pyramid, but it's not, it's a blockage or better yet our own downfall. If we fall and while we are crawling, no one will help us to stand. They will continue being a passerby and walk away as if nothing happened.'

'We should never be dependent on anyone because we only have ourselves and no one else. Someone told me before that people will leave. It's either they die or they choose to leave us but both of them have the same ending and that is the person who will be left will be all alone. They will feel sadness, pain, and it will numb them because of the harsh reality, but for me, the reality is painful but it is better than a dream that is a lie.'