Contemplating

I don't know how to say how I feel

without writing it

My mind has been so dark lately

I'm not sure if I'm liking it

One minute I'm on a high and the next I'm very low

Stuck crying in this room

Not knowing where to go

Even when I close my eyes this pain doesn't go away

I wake up every day scared of myself

Not sure if I have the strength to not cut myself

I look at all those pills

And I'm tempted to touch it but then I'm drowned with guilt

Cause I don't want to be a failure

But sometimes the easy way out

Is leaving this world

And I wanna go so bad but my job here isn't done

I'm all about spreading joy

But I'm not receiving nun

Sometimes I try to escape because my mind gets too dark

Trying to find my way but I don't know where to start

That's why I always think about taking my life

Because being alive doesn't seem right

It's dark in this room but darker in my head

Wondering what I'm fighting for as I lay in my bed