Chapter 9 – How Can I Say

I felt bad. I forgot that DAY6 was performing in Indonesia that night. I only remembered it the next morning when I saw their post on Instagram. It even took me an ounce of internal convincing to log in again after my "drama" the night before.

As usual, they had photos with the audience, group photos, and photos with some lucky fans. There was even one fan—a girl—who got a selca with Young Hyun. They were too close and both smiling ear-to-ear. I got annoyed.

I congratulated them again on their group photo and commented on Wonpil and Dowoon's picture together.

OK!rizzaaa: Looking good, kids!

Then, I logged out of Instagram. I did not log in again until the night we arrived in London.

Our first day in London was dedicated to meeting with the staff who would join us on the filming. I was actually surprised to see Martin Cerulean, a British photographer I met in Venice. We were actually the same age, which was why we just clicked instantly the moment we met. He told me he went there with his friend, a producer who would be working with the 'Bullet' team. Martin also mentioned that he would be going to South Korea in February for a photoshoot and we agreed to meet there.

We took a picture together and I posted it on Instagram before I went to bed. I noticed the notification for a new message, but ignored it. I even saw Young Hyun's reply on my comment on the maknae's photo, but I did not respond.

BlueMartin: We look good together, K! <3

Martin commented on our photo together. I was about to comment a reply when Mara reacted and commented on the photo.

M.A.R.A.: You met again? Can we officially call you 'destined'? Hehehe

Here we go again. When I told her about him after the trip in Venice, she began teasing me, saying he was my 'destiny'. Like, wtf? I never believed in such thing, because as a storyteller myself, I knew it was all fiction, which was why I knew Young Hyun and I would never be more than what we were. (But I still believed on it at one point. Ridiculous, right?)

I did not reply on their comments, instead I checked the new private message I received. It was from Jae.

day6jae: Brian is sulking. You're not replying to his messages.

My forehead creased. I checked Young Hyun's messages and there were five of them.

YoungtotheK: Then a small one will do. kekeke

YoungtotheK: Good you are not lost in Japan.

YoungtotheK: You told Wonpil and Dowoon, they're looking good, but you did not even give my photo a heart!

YoungtotheK: When are you flying to London?

YoungtotheK: Saw you on a picture posted by CJ E&M. Enjoy London! 

I felt my heart tear to pieces. He was so kind and caring! How did I get a friend like him?

It was already nine in the evening in London. I checked online and learned it was five in the morning in Seoul. I wondered if Young Hyun was already up, but then, Jae was already active on social media. I replied to him first.

OK!rizzaaa: You're up early, Brother.

Then, with crossed-fingers, I messaged Young Hyun.

OK!rizzaaa: Sorry, I wasn't able to reply. How was Indonesia?

He did not reply. I waited until my eyes closed by themselves and I fell asleep because of tiredness.

The next morning, I immediately looked for my phone, which was already drained. I charged it first and then went to prepare myself. Before leaving the hotel with the rest of the staff, I logged in on my IG account and checked my message box. Just imagine how nervous and happy I was when I saw a message from Young Hyun. I was like being called to receive an award!

YoungtotheK: It was great!

Judging the photos they took, I could say it was.

YoungtotheK: By the way, you never told us you already found your destiny.

Wait. Why did it sound sarcastic? And who was he referring to, anyway?

I re-read his message and remembered Mara's comment on my post. He might have jumped on the wrong conclusion, so I responded.

OK!rizzaaa: Destiny? I never believe in that. Nothing is coincidental. Everything has a reason or cause.

I sounded as if I was lecturing, but it was true, right?

YoungtotheK: So he is your reason, your cause.

He was really weirding me out.

OK!rizzaaa: Wait. Are you referring to Martin? He's just a good friend. Met him during my trip in Venice.

YoungtotheK: Okaaay.

I felt like crying again. Why was he like that?

I was upset and I let him know it.

OK!rizzaaa: I don't understand why people think every guy I am with is my boyfriend or something. It's upsetting. I just like making friends with other people. Is that wrong?

I no longer waited for his reply. I deleted all the pictures on my account and logged out from Instagram. Although I was feeling really upset, I tried to hold back my tears.

And it did not bode well during the shoot. I was irritable and my colleagues noticed it.

"Are you okay?" Wes asked me during the break. "You seemed...different."

Despite my friendliness and somehow outgoing personality, I was known to be strict inside the set. I had always been a perfectionist, but not to the extent of calling 'cut!' five times because of a single very minor mistake.

I sighed exasperatedly and shook my head. "Honestly, no. But it's probably just the cold and being tired from travelling too much."

It was half-truth.

"I'll try to cool myself down for a while," I added and got up of my seat. "Go on with the scene without me. I'll be back before you're done."

I left the set and went to a nearby restaurant. I did not go farther for the fear of getting lost. Inside, I ordered hot coffee and stared outside the window. Just stared…until tears fell from my eyes.