Chapter 21 – Hearts Don’t Lie

I stared at him for one second…two…three…Then turned away from him. I walked away, but he chased me and grabbed my hand.

"Krizza."

So I decided to face him and asked, "Are you serious?"

He was trying to smile, but there was pain he was trying to conceal. "Wae? You mean you didn't believe me when I said I like you?"

I closed my eyes for seconds and then opened them again. "I told you, it's not a good time for you to have a dating rumor, right?"

"It's not—" He sighed exasperatedly. "Do you feel the same way as I do?"

"Brian—"

"No, please." He cut in. "Just answer my question. Do you feel the same way as I do?"

Of course! But…

I stared at him, trying to form the words in my mind. For goodness sake! It was the moment I had been fantasizing, the moment I had been hoping, but there I was confused, unable to say what I really wanted to say. Because I didn't know what would happen. Could I risk his career? Of course, not.

"Krizza, just answer my question. Are our feelings mutual?"

I looked away from him and silently asked for forgiveness. "No, sorry."

"What...Jjang, look at me and say that again."

I couldn't!

"Krizza..."

I looked up and met his eyes. Pain. It was written all over his face. "No. I'm sorry. I don't feel the same way."

I had seen many actors portrayed pain before, but I just realized I had never seen its truest form until I saw it from Young Hyun's eyes. It was so raw, so real that I regretted having said those words. Only if I could take them back.

"Do you mean it?"

No. "Yes."

Tears began to fall from his eyes. He ran his fingers through his hair several times. Then left without another word.

When the taxi he hailed was nowhere to be seen, my tears finally fell down...and so was I. I sat there on the roadside crying my heart out, the flowers totally forgotten.

...

I couldn't sleep that night. I even went to the set the next day, looking like a huge mess. I was also half an hour late, but no one asked me why. They probably saw how distressed I was.

I was telling the staff to get ready when Jae approached me. He looked worried, but was bothered even more when he saw my puffy eyes.

"Brian isn't here yet. He hasn't gone to the dorm. He's not even replying to my messages or answering our calls." He said. "Are you okay?"

I nodded, but didn't answer.

We waited for Young Hyun. His teammates and manager kept on contacting him, but he wasn't answering any of their calls.

Because we needed him on the scene, we couldn't start the shoot. So I just decided to call it off and re-schedule the shoot for that scene on the next night. However, Young Hyun finally arrived when I was telling everyone to prepare for the next scene.

He ignored me and went directly to his bandmates. Their stylist prepped him immediately and I decided to go on with the shoot despite the ache I felt inside me. I tried my best to be professional although I really wanted to cry.

"Okay. Camera, ready and 1, 2, 3 action!"

The scene was: the leading lady would get off the bus. She would be followed by Sungjin who would confess his feelings to her. Then Young Hyun would see them. He would leave them without actually going near the two. Then the girl would tell Sungjin that she liked someone else.

It was that simple, but I had to call 'cut' twenty times because of several minor mistakes. It was the scene with the most 'cuts'. It was also the hardest scene I had ever filmed, harder than an action scene, only because I was trying to hold back my tears while the person I just turned down was only meters away. Imagine the pain we were feeling that dreadful moment.

The day just went by like that. My energy bar was low and it emanated throughout the set. We filmed until sundown when I finally called 'wrap up' the second time.

I was about to leave when Jae approached me again. I looked around and saw the rest of his bandmates leaving first without him. Sungjin, Wonpil and Dowoon bid their goodbyes to me, but Young Hyun just walked past us.

"Should we have a drink?" Jae asked.

I smiled sadly. "Sure."

We went to a place which serves chicken and beer. We waited for our order before he broke the silence between us.

"I know there's something going on between you and Young Hyun. We know," he said. "And there's nothing wrong about it. We are even rooting for the two of you."

Finally, I let go of my tears. I sobbed as I drank the soju in one shot.

"Do you like him?" He asked when I didn't say any word.

I shook my head. "I don't like him." Then stared at his eyes. "I love him. It's more than like."

He smiled as if he was teasing me. "Then that's wonderful! There's no problem then."

I stared at him in disbelief. "Do you hear yourself? It's a problem in itself. I don't want to ruin his career because of this stupid feeling. How do you think your fans would react when they learn that you're dating someone?"

"Jjang, why would you think about what other people will say or feel about it? We're also humans. Time will come we'll also date and have our own families. Fans should accept that."

I shook my head. I just realized how love could be that scary. I wasn't afraid for myself. I was afraid for Young Hyun. Those scary 'what ifs'.

"You know, you'll actually ruin Brian and yourself if you continue to hold that feeling back." He continued to lecture me. "Since the two of you became close, we noticed how much he had changed. And it's a good change. You'll know what I mean once you hear our new song. I'm telling you. But with what you're doing now…I don't think it's doing you anything good."

I didn't know what to say or at least, feel. I was torn.

Before, I had been wishing something more than friendship or an artist-fan relationship with Young Hyun, but when my wish came true, I hesitated to move forward. It was actually funny and miserable.

I didn't know how the night ended because I got really drunk. I just woke up the next day with my head trying to split in half. Even so, I still noticed something.

I woke up in an unfamiliar place! It was not my bedroom! Not my bed, not my closet. No, definitely not.

Despite the headache, I tried to remember what happened the night before, but all I could remember was Jae and I drinking soju together.

But there's no way the room was Jae's. It smelled and looked like a woman's room.

I was about to get up when the door opened. And I was really shocked when I saw the person who opened the door.

"Oh, you're awake."

"Uhh…Jimin or Jamie?"

She laughed at my question. Yes! It was Park Jimin of 15&. How had I ended up in her room was the biggest mystery.

"Since you're already joking, I believe you're already sober." She put a bowl of hot something on the bedside table. "It's seaweed soup, good for hangovers."

I just looked at it. "How…why am I here?"

"Young Hyun-oppa brought you here. You don't remember?"

Young Hyun? But I was with Jae last night…

Then the memories of last night came crashing on me like huge waves in the sea. (Oh, the metaphor.)

"Oh, my God," I exclaimed.

"It's really an oh-my-God." Jimin said, teasing. She probably knew what I did.

I stared at her with wide eyes. "It was just a dream, wasn't it?"

"Nope, it wasn't." She was grinning.

"I really did kiss Brian?"

Her eyes widened in shock. "You kissed Young Hyun-oppa?"

Wait, what?

"Oh."

Oh. That meant I did something else embarrassing. Shit!

Then she started laughing. "Oh! It's getting interesting."

It wasn't for me. Dammit!