Chapter 24 – Longing

The American man didn't show up again the next day and the day after that. Young Hyun never brought it up, but I wasn't finding inner peace. It was as if I wanted to talk to the man and ask the questions I never thought before, but had been haunting me ever since. Uhh…Confusing, right?

I was early on the set again that day. The casts hadn't arrived yet, so I still had time to watch DAY6's guesting in After School Club. I wasn't able to watch it live because of work.

As usual, it was fun, especially since Young Hyun became the subject of their teasing.

"So tell us what the song is about," Jimin asked the band.

"Who composed it?" Heejun added.

Then, Sungjin pointed at Young Hyun. "Young Hyun-ssi."

"Tell them," Jae urged him.

Young Hyun obliged and explained the song he wrote. "Uhh…Well, it's about falling in love after a short time. Are you familiar with the belief that it only takes three seconds to fall in love? It's somehow similar to that."

"Jinjja?" Wonpil looked at him shocked. "3 chobakke angeolyeosseo?" (Really? It only took you three seconds?)

Young Hyun glared at him which only earned him laughs.

"Who is it? Who is it?" Jimin teased more.

Then Jae added, "Asked him what his favorite word is these days."

"Well, what is it?" It was Heejun who asked.

The members, except the one being teased, exclaimed in chorus, "Jjang!"

Heejun and Seungmin looked confused while Jimin laughed with the four.

"Jjang? As in 'the best'?" Seungmin asked them, looking like a lost child.

"Geumanhae, jinjja." (Stop it, really.) Young Hyun told them in defeat.

I was laughing at the whole teasing series. It felt good knowing I was not the only one getting into such an annoying situation.

Because I was so immersed in the video, I did not even notice that the cast already arrived. I was just surprised when Young Hyun peeked over my shoulder and whispered, "What's that?"

"Oh, shi—" He almost gave me a heart attack! "Hey! You scared the hell out of me!"

But he just laughed at me!

The rest of DAY6 approached me next and greeted me. When all the cast were already there, we began the shoot.

In the afternoon, while taking a break, a staff approached me and told me someone was looking for me. I asked him who it was, but he did not give a name. Thus, I excused myself from my staff and left the set.

We were on the school's gym for another band performance and no one was allowed to enter except the casts, extra talents and the members of the production team, so I had to go out. And I regretted it. Because outside, waiting for me was Marcus Steins.

I turned my heels and decided to just go back, but he already saw me.

"Kristina."

It made me angry, so I faced him again and finally confronted him. "My name's not Kristina."

"I know." He said in a really sad tone. "It's just that…you resemble her a lot."

I squeezed my eyes shut and calmed myself, but it was difficult. I wanted to cry. "Then what do you need?"

"I knew Kristina. She was my girlfriend and…and I've been looking for you actually."

My hands balled to fists. "Kristina's dead. Nothing connects us. You shouldn't have looked for me."

"But you're my daughter."

"I..." My chest heaved trying to control my anger. "I don't have a father. My father died ten years ago."

"But—"

"So please," I cut him before he could say anything. "Go. I won't be talking to you again."

I turned around and left him. I saw Young Hyun on the gym entrance, but I just walked past him. He followed me and stepped on my way.

"You should talk to him." He said.

I glared at him. "We'll resume the shoot." It was one of the rare times I used my authority in the set over him, but he didn't budge.

"He's your father."

I clenched my jaws and tried not to get angry at him. "He's not my father, Brian. People who left should never come back. It saves both parties from heartbreak."

I went past him and went back to the set. We resumed the shoot with me getting frustrated at almost everything.

After the shoot, I left immediately without a word. I didn't wait for Young Hyun and didn't even bid my goodbye to anyone. When I went out, I saw Marcus waiting for me, but I ignored him and just walked without looking back.

I went home really pissed. I called my brother through Facebook messenger and asked for my mother.

"You met with Marcus?" Was my greeting to my mother.

She was surprised by my directness. "Paano mo siya kilala?" (How did you know him?)

"Ma!" I exclaimed in frustration, then tears began to fall from my eyes. "Hindi ko siya kilala, pero bakit ganun? Bakit galit ako sa kanya? Bakit…" (I don't know him, but why? Why am I mad at him? Why…)

My mother began to sob that I regretted raising my voice at her. I suddenly feared she might fall ill again.

"Sorry. I was just…masama lang talaga loob ko. Bakit pa kasi siya nagpakita?" (…I'm just really angry. Why does he show up now?)

"Sorry, 'nak." (Sorry, my child.) There was a mixture of regret and fear in her voice. "He has been looking for you for a long time, but we hid you from him for the fear that he might take you from us. He saw your pictures online when you started working for film. He contacted us to confirm if you're his daughter with Kristina. We told him the truth in exchange for his promise not to appear before you."

I couldn't say any word. I ended the call and buried my face on my pillow. Tears continued to stream down my face, my heart ached so much. I felt betrayed, but I could not blame the parents who raised and loved me.

…

The next morning, I woke up not feeling any better. I was even feeling more downcast, yet still, I got up and prepared to go to work. We didn't have a shoot in the morning since DAY6 had a radio guesting. However, I was surprised to see Young Hyun waiting outside my apartment as if he had no other important schedule.

"What are you doing here? We don't have a shoot this morning, remember?"

He glanced at his wristwatch and said, "We still have an hour and a half. Let's go."

"Where?"

He didn't answer, but took my hand instead. He guided me to the taxi waiting by the road and we rode to God-knows-where.

The trip was short, fifteen minutes to be exact. The taxi unloaded us in front of a restaurant which opens early.

"What are we doing here?" I asked Young Hyun, but he didn't answer.

Instead, he said, "I hate it when I see you sad and lately, happiness won't even reach your eyes."

I frowned at him, but he did not give further explanation. Instead, he opened the door of the restaurant and ushered me to come in. I obliged and there I saw Marcus waiting for me at one table. I looked questioningly at Young Hyun and he just nodded.

I sighed. How could I win this internal battle? Forgive? But forgive what? I turned around and looked at the American man. Then, I faced Young Hyun again.

"I don't know him," I said.

"He's your father," he said. "He promised he will no longer disturb you after this. He just wanted to know how you've been doing for the past years."

I still hesitated.

"Please. Trust me. It's for your own good." Then he smiled encouragingly and it actually worked.

I turned around again and finally approached the man. I took the seat across him and leaned slightly with my elbows on the table. That meant business for me.

"What do you want?" I asked sharply.

He looked down for a second and said. "Is he someone special to you?"

I looked outside the restaurant and saw Young Hyun staring back. He smiled. I returned my attention to the man before me and I slid my hands down my lap.

"He is," I answered.

He nodded. "He told me yesterday how much you mean to him. He said he won't let me see you unless I convince him. It's actually a relief for me to know there is someone you can rely on. I just realized you don't actually need me anymore."

My eyes were fixed on the table as if it was the most interesting thing.

"I just wanted you to know that I am happy to see you grow into a very fine lady. Although I never watch you grow, I am relieved that you're in good hands." He just continued. "I had to leave Kristina then because I was sent to Syria to oversee our soldiers there. I was a military doctor actually. I just retired two years ago and upon retiring, I searched for you again."

This time I asked, "Why do you have to look for me?"

"I never had my own family and I learned three years after I left Kristina that she conceived you. Honestly, I wanted to take you in, but her sister won't even let me see you. But I guess, it was better since I wouldn't be able to take care of you because of my work. But I just really wanted to see you. See how you are doing and ask for forgiveness in memory of Kristina."

I eased a deep, long sigh. "She must've understood why you had to leave her back then. I actually am, just now. But don't ask for forgiveness because I cannot give it to you. I have a good life with the family that took me in and I won't exchange it for anything. So although you said that you are my father, you're still a stranger to me."

He nodded and when he looked at me, his eyes were sparkling with unshed tears. "I understand. I understand." Then he sighed. "But still, thank you for your time talking to me. I'm sorry if I had scared you for the past few days."

I laughed so softly. "It's fine, 'though I admit, you crept me out."

He laughed too. "And I wish the two of you would last a lifetime." He pointed at Young Hyun who was fiddling with his phone outside. "He's a great young man."

I smiled and looked at the guy he was referring. "I know."

We talked more until I remembered Young Hyun still had a radio guesting. We went out together, but he left first after thanking Young Hyun. When Marcus left, I then focused my full attention to the guy who I fell in love with deeper that day.

"So? How was it?" He asked smiling widely.

I smiled as well. "It's not bad. We have good closure, but if we meet each other again in the future, then we'll meet without heavy hearts."

"That's great then." He looked at his wristwatch and said, "Let's go. We'll be both late to work."

He took my hand and intertwined our fingers. He did not seem to mind if we were in a public place.

"Wait." I stopped him from taking a step. With a heart beating fast, I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him quick on the lips.

Nope, I did not mind if we were in a public place either.

"Thank you," I said with a quivering voice.

He seemed surprised at what I did, but he immediately recovered. "That's not how you do it."

On my surprise, he grabbed my waist and pulled me closer to him. His face went closer to mine and I just suddenly felt his lips on my own. A sweet, real kiss this time.

I pulled away first and told him, "You'll be late to your radio guesting."

But he didn't listen and just sealed my lips with another kiss.