My European Summer Vacation Part 3 [8letters]

"It took me a few trial and errors to figure out how to get my way while making you happy. Fortunately, you always made an Erin lemon face when I did something wrong, so it was easy to figure out when I screwed up."

"An Erin lemon face?"

"When Erin was six or nine months old, we went to a restaurant that put a slice of lemon into our waters. I gave mine to Erin to bite. When she bit it, she made this wonderful face of total revulsion. Then five seconds later, she bit it again and made the same face. She probably spent five minutes biting that lemon." Sinead laughed. "But seriously, you have an expressive face and don't hide how your feelings, so it's easy for me to figure out when I did something that made you unhappy."

"Then you stop doing that."

"Because I want you to be happy. When you're happy, I'm happy."

Sinead raised up and gave me a kiss. "And you make me very happy."

"And you told me this to let me know that I'm doing okay?"

"You're doing perfect." Another kiss, a little longer and with a little passion. "When you make me happy," said Sinead huskily, "I want to make you happy."

Sinead came down for an opened-mouth kiss.

Another thing I had learned was to let Sinead initiate sex. She was more into it when she initiated it. And she initiated it often - we had sex more often that I had ever had with any other girlfriend.

In big cities, we rarely could afford a private room. Sadly, most of the sights we wanted to see were in big cities. Consequently, we had to be creative when it came to having sex. When we got the least bit of privacy, we were all over each other. Sinead was happy to give me quickies and "knob gobblin" when there weren't any other choices. She definitely knew how to make me happy.

* * * *

From Helsinki, we took a ferry to Germany and then worked our way South. As we traveled together, Sinead worked on adopting an American vocabulary. It wasn't something we ever discussed, but I noticed one day that people who couldn't do their jobs were idiots, not gimps. Sinead was familiar with lots and lots of American terms from TV, movies, books and music; so I think it was mostly a matter of her switching to terms that she knew but didn't use. Once I noticed that, whenever she used an Irish term that an American would find confusing, I'd reply with a sentence that had the American term in it. Frequently, that was the last time I heard the Irish term. She kept "aye" and "mam". And I wanted her to never stop saying "kmob goblin'". The Irish vowels, rhythm and mannerisms remained.

Sinead surprised me by speaking fluent German. Well, she seemed fluent to me, but I had trouble learning how to say "Hello", "Thanks" and "Goodbye" in any language besides English. "I was ready to work for our financial overlords", Sinead said when I asked her about it.

I found it surprising how many other young people were traveling around too. We didn't encounter any Italian millionaires that might take Sinead away from me. The more Sinead and I traveled together, the closer we got and the idea that we might break up before we went to Boston died on the vine. The young people we encountered were from all over the world and seemed a lot like us. Sinead and I were quick to strike up new friendships. Coming into Heidelberg on the train, we had made friends with an American couple, Cindy and Derek, and a Dutch couple, Lars and Isa.

As the train was slowing, Lars told us, "I've heard that there is a youth hostel here that has six-person rooms and if six people rent one out, they don't care if it's both boys and girls in the room."

We all agreed to get a six-person room together.

By now, I knew Sinead better than I had known any prior girlfriend. In lots of ways, she was very conservative, very prim and proper. She usually wore a skirt and a blouse. She always wore a bra. In public, we never did anything more affectionate that a quick kiss. If we talked with strangers, it was my job to do the talking. If we had a disagreement with somebody like where we should go next, it was my job to do the disagreeing. But if we had any privacy, Sinead was quite assertive and up for anything. There's a line between crazy and reckless about having sex outside of a hotel room, and somehow we both naturally drew that line in the same place. And we both loved the crazy. Sinead had her girlfriends giggling regularly.

The room in the youth hostel had wooden units along each wall that contained cabinets, drawers and two beds, one high and one low. It looked like the upper bed wouldn't rock like an upper bunk bed. There was a narrow walkway between the units, one unit on the left close to the door and two units opposite each other at the far end. There was a small window on the far wall that was high up. Sinead and I got into the upper bed on the far left, while Cindy and Derek got into the lower bed in the unit across from us while Lars and Isa got into the lower bed closest to the door. We all were wearing night clothes when we got into bed, but as soon as Lars turned off the light, I could hear everyone taking off their clothes. There wasn't much light coming through the window, so I could only hear the other couples.

It was the first time that either Sinead and I had had sex in the same room as another couple. We were both very intimidated. We whispered very quietly to each other. While we were having sex, I think we were quieter than when we had had sex in Sinead's parents' house. It was very uncomfortable for both of us and though we enjoyed having sex, it was one of our less enjoyable sessions. We put our clothes back on.

The other two couples weren't intimidated as we were. Cindy had the highest pitch voice of the three women and I heard her "ah, ah, ah" across from us for a while. Isa had the lowest pitch voice and I heard her "uh, uh, uh" even after Sinead and I had stopped. Sinead and I snuggled up and fell asleep.

The next day, we explored the city with Cindy, Derek, Lars and Isa. They were a lot of fun to be with, but Lars kept doing something that annoyed me - he kept staring at Sinead, obviously taking her clothes off in his mind. I confess that I checked out Cindy and Isa - Cindy was curvy but a little overweight while Isa was very pretty, thin and flat-chested. But I didn't do so blatantly like Lars did.

At the end of dinner, I found out why Lars had been staring at Sinead. The six of us had decided to splurge and have a dinner at a nice restaurant with some wine. We were all feeling good once the meal was finished. Lars leaned forward and said, "For a little special fun tonight, how about we switch partners when we get back to the youth hostel. I have plenty of condoms to share. What do you think, Derek?"

Sinead slipped her fingers through mine as we kept our hands down low. I knew immediately why Lars had asked Derek first - both Isa and Sinead were better looking that Cindy and Lars and I were better looking than Derek. If they said yes, both of them were going to spend the night with a better looking partner. So Derek and Cindy were more likely to say yes than Sinead and me.

Derek looked at Cindy, apparently found acceptance, then said, "Sounds like it'd be fun."

Lars turned to me. "And you, Noel?"

Sinead squeezed my hand tightly, which wasn't any kind of a clue.

"Sinead and I haven't been together that long. It's still exciting being with her, so we're going to pass."

Sinead let go of my hand.

Lars turned to Derek. "Are you still okay with switching?"

Derek looked at Cindy. "Yes. Yes, we are."

When we got back to the room in the youth hostel, it was much like the night before except just before Lars turned off the lights, the girls switched beds. As Sinead and I stripped naked, I heard the others taking off their clothes as well.

Once we were naked, I pulled Sinead to me and whispered, "Did I make the right choice saying no?"

"Yes. You noticed I was holding your hand when you answered. If you had said yes, I was going to yank you to the floor and start kicking you." I chuckled softly. "And I kick hard. Just ask my brothers."

I hugged Sinead. "It was an easy decision to make. No woman appeals to me like you do."

"You're the only man I want to make love to."

"You're the only woman I want to make love to."

"I love you, Noel."

"I love you, too."

We kissed. Part of me said that I shouldn't have told my half-sister that I loved her; that it was wrong, just like making love to her was wrong. I easily pushed that thought away. I loved Sinead. I loved her as a woman, not like I loved my sisters. I was only telling her the truth. When we got to Boston and I told her that I was her half-brother, we would have to put that genie back into its bottle. But for now, I was in love with her and was going to enjoy it.

We continued kissing. The kisses were more passionate than last night. Then we started with the caresses and they seemed more excited than last night. The ah's and uh's started, but we continued our kissing and fondling as if they weren't there. The bed was too narrow for me to eat Sinead out, so I slid my hand between her legs and she opened her legs to give me access. I took my time, stroking the inside of one thigh, up and around her slit, then back down to the other side. We had been kissing but now I slid down the bed and sucked Sinead's nipple into my mouth. She normally moaned when I did so, but not tonight. I changed the path of my hand to be up the thigh, up one side of Sinead's slit, a rub on one side of her clit, a brief stop at the top of her slit and then same thing down the other side. Sinead was pushing her crotch hard against my hand as it neared her clit. I sucked her other tit into my mouth, then ran my tongue over and under her nipple.

I moved up for some more kisses. Our tongues dueled as I now kept my fingers inside her slit. Sinead was wet now and I used her fluids to make my fingers slide better. I ended the kiss and switched to concentrating on Sinead's clit. Sinead was on her way now, mouthing her oh's instead of saying them like she usually did. We were silent while the ah's and uh's continued in the background. Occasionally, Sinead whispered directions - "harder", "up higher", "a little down".

Finally Sinead made some noise as she started gasping. Four, five, six gasps then she slammed her mouth shut as she came.

After a few moments, Sinead whispered to me, "That was a good one."

"I wanted to make the woman I love happy," I whispered back.

"You did. Now fuck me."

I moved on top of her and she spread her legs. Sinead grabbed my cock and guided me to her hole. I pushed and retreated, pushed and retreated, pushed and then I was all the way in.

"I love you," I whispered. Sinead smiled at me.

I wanted our fuck to be a special one, but the small bed limited what I could do. We both preferred fast and hard, but I decided for long and slow tonight. I pulled back slowly, then push back into her slowly. I kept up the slow cycles. I could feel Sinead's legs wrapped around mine. There was enough light that I could see her beautiful face. Sinead recognized that I was looking at her and she gave me her dazzling smile.

Then I had a crazy idea.

I slowly pushed forward until I was all the way in her, then I stopped.

"Do you enjoy fucking me?" I asked quietly.

"Yes," Sinead whispered back with a confused look on her face.

"Then tell me how much enjoy fucking me."

"How?"

"Just say 'I love fucking you'."

"I love fucking you," Sinead whispered.

"Louder."

"They'll hear us."

"So? Do you enjoy fucking me or not?"

"I do but..."

"I'm the one you love. They aren't important."

Sinead wasn't buying it. I made one last try. "Please humor me this once."

I resumed fucking Sinead. A slow in and a slow out. I was disappointed that our first fuck after we said "I love you" was going to be so boring. When I tossed out a crazy idea, Sinead usually said yes but not always. It was always her choice. As all of our conversation was in whispers, no one else would ever know that she had rejected my idea.

Sinead pulled me down to her and kissed me. We frenched for a while with me buried in her. As I had to support my weight with my arms, it wasn't the most comfortable position to kiss in nor was it one of our more passionate kisses. But if she wanted to kiss, I'd kiss all night.

Sinead ended the kiss, smiled at me then whispered, "Just this once."

I smiled back at her and resumed fucking.

"I love fucking you," said Sinead at a conversation volume. I smiled even bigger.

"It feels so good," she said even louder. I silently chuckled and then increased the pace.

"Noel, you're the best. Give it to me," said she even louder. I was having a great time. If she wanted me to give it to her, I would give it to her. I start fucking her even harder.

"Oh, God! Oh, God!"

Sinead was loud enough now that people in the hallway might hear her. She was driving me crazy and I was pounding her hard and fast now.

"Oh! Oh! OH!"

Sinead was making even her moans extra loud.

I moved up higher so I would be in a better position to fuck her hard. I was pounding her so hard now that I had a faint worry that the bed would collapse.

"Don't! Stop! Fucking me!" Sinead yelled.

Thank you, Jerry Maguire.

Fucking Sinead was so much fun that I didn't want to stop, but I knew that I was close to cumming. I slammed into her hard and fast over and over again. Her tits bounced up and down delightfully. Sinead stopped talking and merely moaned "Oh! Oh! Oh!" loudly. I felt myself getting closer and closer to cumming, then I went over the edge.

As I was spurting into Sinead, I heard her cry, "OHHHHHH!" and cum as well. As I released a few more shots into her, I slowed and then stopped. It had been a great, wonderfully memorable fuck.

I was grinning uncontrollably when I collapsed next to Sinead.

"That was so wicked," she whispered fiercely, then poked me in the ribs. I started laughing silently. "You're so evil," she added then gave me another poke. That made me laugh even harder. "If I didn't love you, I'd be so pissed off right now." I doubled over in silent laughter. Tears came to my eyes. Of all the crazy things I had done with Sinead, this was the one I found the funniest.

When I finely caught my breath, I whispered to Sinead, "You were magnificent." I gave her a kiss. "You were awesome."

"I noticed that you didn't say anything."

In a loud voice, I said, "I love you, Sinead, with all my heart and soul. You're the only one I want to make love to." Then I whispered to her, "Better?"

"Better."

We then started talking about other issues, primarily our plans for tomorrow. I felt that Sinead had enjoyed the dirty talk, but that I had pushed her way, way out of her comfort zone. I tried to make it up to her by being extra affectionate and agreeing with all of her suggestions for tomorrow. I told her I loved her a lot, partly to be affectionate and partly because of the novelty of acknowledging that I loved her. After a while, we talked less and kissed more. The kisses got more passionates, the touches got more eager and once again I mounted her. During this fuck, Sinead made her "oh, oh, oh" at her usual volume. After we had cum once more, we put on our night clothes and snuggled, then slowly drifted off to sleep. As I drifted off, I continued to hear Cindy's high-pitched "ah, ah, ah".

The next morning when I awoke, I dropped out of the bed to floor. Sinead dropped to floor shortly after me. The noise we made woke up Lars.

"Hey, Lars," I said quietly. "Sinead and I are going to shower and then go somewhere to rent bikes. We're going to spend the next few days riding. So we're going to be saying goodbye to you four in a little while."

I noticed that Isa was sleeping with Lars, though she was at least topless as I could see her tits as I talked with Lars. Perhaps she had intended the free show to lure me and Sinead into joining in tonight?

When I got back to the room after showering, the other four were stirring. I started packing and Sinead soon joined me. I eavesdropped on the others as we finished our packing.

"Lars," Cindy in an excited voice, "Do you know of another city where six people can get a hostel room like this one? Or even better, where we can get an eight-person room?"

Someone sure enjoyed their first night of swinging.

* * * *

The next night, I had troubles falling asleep even though we had had a long bike ride that day.

I had come to accept that I wasn't going to stop fucking my half-sister. I enjoyed it; she enjoyed it; and we were having fun together. When we had started traveling together, it had seemed so unlikely that we would last the summer; that the fucking would naturally come to an end. Now, it looked almost certain that we would fuck the rest of the summer.

But it wasn't only having fun together anymore. Sinead and I were in love. I didn't know what plans Sinead had for us when we got to Boston, but I was certain most of them involved me, her and Happy Ever After Land. All her plans would go up in flames once we got to Boston.

I thought about telling her that she was my half-sister. "I love you, Sinead, but there's something you need to know..." Or I could play dumb and ask, "What was your mother's name again? Why that's the same as my mother's maiden name! And when was she born?" Or I could tell her that we were getting too serious too quickly and that I needed some time away from her. Brothers and sisters shouldn't be in love like we were and I should put an end to it.

But what would Sinead do? I couldn't see her continuing to travel. If she traveled without me, guys would constantly hit on her and she hated that. We didn't meet many single travelers as it was so much more fun to travel with someone else and all the single travelers we met were guys. Sinead could join other women traveling, but I knew that wouldn't work out - Sinead had to be in charge to enjoy traveling and they wouldn't let her.

Sinead could fly back to Cork and wait there until it was time to go to Boston. But what would she do in Cork? I couldn't see her getting a job for what was left of the summer. Just crash at someone's apartment and spend all day doing nothing?

If I told her that Mom was dead, Sinead could go to London or Germany and get a job. But it would probably take her a while to get a job and she didn't have the money to live very long in either place. Asking her dad for money would probably fail as she would have to confess to lying to him for weeks.

The least bad option seemed to me was to continue on what we were doing. Enjoy a special time that was a blessing from God. Make it the very best time I could for Sinead. Then tell her all when we got to Boston and all hell would break loose.

Full speed ahead! Add more sails! We'd crash hard on that reef in Boston which wasn't on Sinead's map but that I knew was there.

* * * *

We spent our last two weeks traveling around Ireland. We didn't go to Cork and we didn't see Sinead's family. The vacation that had seemed like it would last forever was winding down. We had stuck to Sinead's budget, so she didn't have to borrow money from me. I knew I should be enjoying Ireland more than any other country, but the fact that the vacation was almost over was weighing heavily on me. I loved Sinead so much and soon she'd be my sister and not my girlfriend.

All too soon we were flying to Boston. Our jet had three seats on each side and four seats in the middle. The only seats Sinead and I could get together without paying an extra fee were the two middle seats of the middle four seats. The flight would have been over seven hours of misery in the best of circumstances, but this was not the best of circumstances. I tried to sleep, or at least feigned trying to sleep, but my mind raced the whole flight.

The problem with kicking the can down the road is at some point, the road runs out. When we got to Boston, I had to tell Sinead I was her half-brother. All hell would break loose and our relationship would be over. The only question was how ballistic would she go.

I thought about not telling her, but I quickly gave that up. I was going to go to my Dad's as soon as I dumped my stuff off at my apartment to tell my family about my summer in Europe. All Sinead had to do was to ask my Dad if he knew a Margaret Murphy who arrived in Boston twenty-two years ago. Dad would say yes and that he had married her, then the shit would hit the fan. For a brief moment, I thought about convincing Sinead to move to Miami with me instead of meeting my family, but I gave it up as ridiculous.

I prayed that my roommate would be spending Labor Day weekend somewhere else. That would give me plenty of time to privately give Sinead the bad news. Once I gave her the news, I'd face her rightful wrath. My hope was that I could convince her to embrace being my sister and being a big sister to Erin and Riley. I was close to my cousins, uncles and aunts and I thought Sinead would fit in well with them. Yes, she would be disappointed that her mom was dead and that I couldn't be her boyfriend anymore. Hell, I was going to be disappointed to not be her boyfriend anymore. Life with Sinead as a sister wouldn't be as good as life with Sinead as a girlfriend, but I think it would still be pretty sweet.

* * * *

"Doug!" I called out as I opened the apartment door. No response. Fantastic.

"Drop everything here, Sinead. I have something to show you in my bedroom."

We dropped all of our bags and went into my bedroom.

"This is a picture of my mom," I said as I picked up my Mom's engagement photo from my desk. "My mom Margaret Murphy from the Cork area of Ireland." I then recounted word-for-word to the best of my ability my conversation with her dad. Sinead was stunned, staggered.

"So, you've known for the last t'ree months why my mam left me and that she was dead, but you didn't tell me?"

"I didn't. I'm sorry you'll never get to meet your mom, but I want you to be a part of our family, to be a big sister to Erin and Riley. I think they'll love having you as a big sister."

"My Grandmam told me to tell my mam that she misses her, loves her and forgives her; and you're telling me I'll never be able to give her that message?" Sinead was tearing up.

I sighed. "I'm telling you that." I felt like I had clubbed a baby seal. "Sinead, I know it's disappointing..."

"Disappointing? DISAPPOINTING? You have no fuckin' idea. I've lived my whole fuckin' life for this day and you t'ink it's disappointing?"

Gotta change the subject. Family. Talk family.

"Sinead, it's not what you were expecting, but you're joining a wonderful family. You're going to love Erin and Riley."

"You're such a fuckin' gimp." I took the return of the Cork accent to be a very bad sign. "You have no clue, do you?"

Clue about what? "I know Erin and Riley are great kids and you'll have a blast being a big sister to them."

"I don't need any more fuckin' siblings. I have t'ree brothers already. Half-brothers now la. They're gimps, but I love them. I wouldn't travel around Europe with one of them as me fella, fuckin' 'em every chance I could."

"I'm sorry, Sinead."

"Sorry? You're sorry? You're a sorry ass excuse for a fella! You've ruined my life just when I t'ought I'd have everythin'."

"It's not going to be only Erin, Riley and me. I'm close to my whole extended family. You have some wonderful cousins, aunt and uncles who will love having you as part of the family."

"You're such a gimp. Why do you t'ink I left my hometown as soon as I could then never went back?"

I was confused. I said what I thought was the obvious answer. "Maeve?"

"I was glad to live away from her, but she wasn't the main reason. The main reason was that I was tired of being the punch line of every joke in town." It seemed like Sinead was picking her words, shifting away from the Cork accent to American so she could explain this clearly to me. "Tired of people pointing me out to strangers then obviously telling them the story of my scandalous birth. I was always terrified in Cork that my friends would find about how I was a bastard and that my mam fled the country rather than raise me. I thought I was finally going to put that all behind me. Now, you want me to tell everyone that my dad is my mam's cousin? That she tricked him into getting her pregnant while he was engaged? That a year after I was born, she left me to my grandmam to raise while she moved to Boston? Do you want me to tell everyone that story about your mam?"

Sinead gave me a penetrating stare.

"No. No, I don't."

I didn't want anyone to know that story about my mom. I particularly didn't want my sisters to know it. I loved my mom and I wasn't going to ruin her reputation.

"I can't believe you lied to me the whole summer."

"I never lied to you, Sinead. I kept a big secret from you, but I never lied."

"You told me we were going to live together in Boston. Are you planning on me living with you, brother?"

I sighed. This was going very, very badly. "I agreed to us living together as a couple before I found out you were my sister. Since then, I've always said we'll have to see what my roommate said."

"Are you going to ask your roommate, brother?"

"No," I said weakly. She had me there.

"Then you fuckin' lied to me! You lied to me all summer! I've been planning on how we'll live happily together and you knew it was never going to happen!"

I'd rather she threw me on the ground and kicked me.

"What am I supposed to tell my friends on Facebook?" Sinead continued. "The ones I've told all summer about what a great fella you are and how I'm looking forward to living with you?"

My plan had been for her to post something like "I'm not going to have time to Facebook in my new life in Boston" and then to stop using Facebook. It was a very bad plan, but I couldn't think of anything else. Probably not the best time to make that suggestion.

"I...don't have any good ideas."

"Because you're such a gimp! You've ruined everythin'!" Sinead was tearing up now. She sat down on my bed. "Everythin' is ruined", she muttered without looking at me. "I t'ought I was going to be so happy and you've ruined it. I should have gone to Germany." Sinead looked up at me and pointed to the door. "Get out of here! Leave me alone!"

I felt low enough to slither under the door. As I left the room, I could hear Sinead sobbing behind me.

Well, that was a fucking disaster.

I had expected it to be bad, but I had never dreamed it would be that bad. I had held on like a lifeline to the idea that Sinead would be somewhat happy to join my family. I was going to miss her so much as a girlfriend, but I was going to be proud to introduce this beautiful, smart woman as my sister. Now, I realized that telling people she's my sister meant dragging Mom's name through the mud. And if she's not going to be my sister, what is Sinead going to be? A friend? Rarely have I seen a couple stay friends after they break up and Sinead has plenty of reasons to be bitter after our break up.

On the bright side, she didn't try to kill me.

That's about the only bright side. And she could always try when she comes out of the room.

I was sitting on the couch with my head in my hands. I had to do something physical. Something I had learned during my depression was to keep doing and keep moving. When I had done nothing, the blackness had overwhelmed me.

Our bags were in the living room. I hauled them over to the washing machine and emptied them. I sorted our clothes into dark and lights. I put the first load of lights into the washing machine and started it.

As I was organizing the other loads, Sinead came out of my bedroom. "Are there any other secrets you're keeping from me?" The tears were dried, but she was still pissed.

"No." I realized that the primal urge to deny would get me in deeper shit later. "Yes. I always planned for you to live with Dad. That way, I would have honored my promise to provide a place for you to live. Also, I really wanted you to be a big sister to Erin and Riley. They're about to become young women; they're going to be having womanly issues soon; and Dad and I will be of no help with those." I sighed. "Mom started dating Dad three months after she moved to Boston and two months later, she was pregnant with me. Dad did the right thing and married her when she was seven months pregnant." I smiled a little bit. "Mom and Dad were embarrassed by how close their wedding and my birth were, so they always told people that they were married a year more than they actually were."

"Anything else?"

"I am going to buy you the latest and greatest iPad for Christmas and then start using your old one."

Sinead gave me a little smile and shook her head. "I didn't need to know that. I mean secrets I would want to know."

"It's so hard to say. I've purposely not told you much about my parents because I didn't want you to figure out we had the same mom. I'm not purposely holding anything back."

"Did Mam ever say anything to make you suspect she had a daughter back in Ireland?"

"No. She never talked about her life before she came to Boston. Not to me, not to Dad, not to friends."

"Did she leave any letters that could be addressed to me?"

"No."

"I want to talk to your dad and find out if Mam said anything to him."

"Look - it was Dad's idea that I go to Cork to find out about Mom. It had always bothered him that Mom refused to talk about her life before she came to Boston. He told me as a last step before getting divorced, he and Mom had gone to marriage counseling. At counseling, he had brought up he suspected that she had purposely gotten pregnant to force him to marry her. She had admitted she had. She had been terrified of being picked up by Immigration and being forced to go back to Ireland. But she had refused to say what she was so terrified of. If Dad told me that, he wouldn't have held back Mom mentioning she had a child in Ireland or she had left a letter to be given to someone named Sinead who stopped by."

Sinead processed that for a moment. "So our Mam purposely got pregnant with your Dad like she did with mine?"

"Yes, though it worked out better for her with my dad."

"Why didn't your parents divorce?"

"What?"

"Why didn't your parents divorce? I'm curious."

Sinead didn't sound so pissed. Was she genuinely interested? Or was she probing to see if she could catch me in another lie?

"Once Mom admitted she had purposely gotten pregnant, she apologized to Dad and promised to do anything to make it up to him. That was the turning point as Dad had always been angry about missing out on so much because he had become a father so soon. Mom's offer made him think about what he really wanted in life. Dad thought about buying a new truck or going out to bars regularly with his buddies, but he wound up choosing to have more kids. It was a financial struggle raising the three of us, but Dad was willing to make those sacrifices for a bigger family."

That seemed to convince Sinead that Dad had told me all he knew about Mom's past. "So there was no point in my coming to Boston. I might as well have gone to Germany."

"With you in Boston, I can show you pictures of your mom. Would you like that?"

"Aye." Sinead brightened. "Aye, I would."

I went to my computer and found my picture folder named "Family". I started at the oldest photo and worked backward.

"Here's one of my family right before Christmas Eve Mass." They were dressed to the nines.

"Mam was pretty."

"She was."

"And your dad is handsome. Like you." Sinead gave me a smile.

"This is Mom with Erin right after she had performed in The Nutcracker at her ballet school." Mom was smiling proudly as she clasped Erin.

We went steadily through all of the pictures of Mom, with me providing the story behind each picture. We eventually reached the first picture that I ever took, one of Mom holding Erin minutes after she was born.

"May I look at these alone?" Sinead asked.

"Sure."

"Do you mind if I look at other pictures?"

"Look at anything you want. I'm done hiding things from you."

I left the bedroom and sat down on the couch in the living room. I was glad I had thought of looking at pictures as that seemed to soothe Sinead's anger. I tried to think of things of Mom's I could give Sinead. But how could I justify to Dad giving something of Mom's to Sinead? Then I started thinking about what kind of relationship Sinead and I were going to have.

Do something. Move.

I was hungry. Sinead and I had eaten something light at the airport when we landed. I went into the kitchen and looked into the refrigerator - a to-go box from a restaurant, many condiments from various fast food places and lots of beer. I opened the freezer to find three frozen pizzas. In the pantry, I discovered a collection of most of the chips known to man. The one cookable thing in the pantry was a box of mac and cheese.

"Dinosaur shapes. Awesome."

I put water on to boil and then opened up the package. I pitched the package of artificial cheese-like powder. I'd come up with something better.

I went back to the fridge and found some spreadable butter. A butter sauce was kind of bland, but better than nothing. Then I noticed a little tub of garlic sauce for dipping pizza crust into. While I boiled the pasta, I worked on finding the right proportion of garlic sauce and melted spreadable butter.

Once lunch was ready, I knocked on the door to my bedroom and then opened it. Sinead was sitting on my bed thinking. One of the few pictures I had taken of only Mom was up on my PC. "Sinead, lunch."

"It smells wonderful," said Sinead as she sat down to eat.

I told her about how I had made the meal.

"You're amazing," said Sinead. "Thanks for making lunch and thanks for doing the laundry. If I was your girlfriend, I'd do other chores in return. But now that I'm your sister, I'll just have to say thanks."

"I thought we weren't going to be brother and sister."

"We can be when it's only the two of us. And I prefer sister to former girlfriend."

"Okay." I preferred brother to former boyfriend. "We're transitioning."

I wondered briefly about what chores Sinead had planned on doing. I was certain she had a list of how we would split the chores. But why bother asking about it as we weren't going to be living together?

"Sinead, I just want to say that I love you and..."

"How can you say that?! How can you say that after you lied to me all summer! When you knew that you'd hurt me so badly today?!"

Sinead was tearing up. She went from zero to sixty incredibly fast. I knew that she had lots of reasons to be angry, but I was starting to hit my limit for abuse.

"Let me finish. I just want to say that I love you and it's killed me all summer knowing my love for you was going to hurt you today. I knew that the more I loved you, the more it would hurt you; but I couldn't stop loving you more and more. I'm sorry I could never figure out a way to love you with hurting you today."

That seemed to phase Sinead. "I'm sorry that I'm so angry. I wish that you had told me sooner, but I understand why you waited - you had sworn an oath to my dad."

"Don't blame your dad. I had thought a number of times of telling you this summer, but telling you today always seemed like the least bad option. Perhaps it was because I enjoyed being your boyfriend so much that I couldn't give it up. I wouldn't have told you today if I could have avoided it."

"But at least you told me. That was more that my dad ever did. You don't understand how important my mam was to me. All my life, the thing I wanted most was to meet her and for her to tell me that she had loved me when I was born, that she loved me when I was little and that she still loved me now; and that she was proud of the woman that I had become. Now that's been taken away from me forever."

"Have you ever considered that you aren't the only one who wanted to put the scandal of your birth behind them?" I knew I shouldn't have said it as soon as the words started coming out of my mouth, but I couldn't stop the urge to push back. "Have you ever considered what Mom would think when you showed up on her doorstep? She had spent her whole time in Boston refusing to tell everyone close to her about her life in Ireland and you expected her to greet you with open arms?"

Sinead stood up, her face flushed with anger. "I did! And she would have! She would have because...because...because she was my mam!"

Sinead ran out of the kitchen and into my bedroom, slamming the door behind her.

I was disgusted with myself. It had been a cruel thing to say and what was the point of saying it? So I could feel a little better about crushing her dreams about Mom?

I emptied the dishwasher and put our dishes in. I moved the lights to the dryer and started a load of darks. I then sat back down on the couch.

What was going to happen between Sinead and me? Probably the best thing would be for her to go to Germany. She could stay with some of her friends from college there. She could get a job programming. She could come up with some story about how I turned into a total jerk once she got to Boston. Maybe I expected to be able to share her with my friends? Who knows? I'd pay for her plane ticket. I'd show her around Boston today and tomorrow then she'd fly to Germany on Tuesday.

I hoped she would want to stay in touch. I didn't think I could handle being friends on Facebook, to see a steady feed of her being happy somewhere else without me. She'd find a new boyfriend soon enough. Perhaps we would email each other once a month. I really did want to keep in touch.

Do something. Move.

I found a pathetically underpowered vacuum cleaner in the closet. The carpet looked like it hadn't been vacuumed since Doug and I moved in. I was doing my best to suck up chip crumbs when I felt someone touch my arm. I turned off the vacuum.

Sinead said, "Please come hold me."

We went into my bedroom and Sinead got on the bed. I took off my shoes and socks and got on the bed too. She leaned into me and I wrapped my arms around her.

"You were right," said Sinead bitterly. "Mam had such a wonderful life - a handsome husband, three wonderful kids, a great marriage, and friends who probably thought the world of her. Why would she risk all that for me? As you said, she had put the scandal of my birth behind her. Why would she want to share it with everyone because I showed up at her door?"

I held Sinead as she cried. I had nothing to say. I wanted to tell her that I loved her and that I'd always be there for her, but saying so would make things worse.

"It's probably best that I got to know her through you," continued Sinead. "If I showed up at her door, what would she have said? Nice to meet you, now leave and never come back? This way, I know she was the loving mother that I had always thought she was, but it was my fate that she could never love me the way she wanted to."

She pulled back and I let go of her. She took my hands. "Listen to this and tell me if it makes sense. She loved my dad with all her heart. She wanted to marry him and have kids with him. But he refused, instead choosing to marry Maeve. Mam didn't want to give up the relationship. She was happy to be Dad's lover. She knew Dad couldn't resist her and she seduced him the first chance she had."

Sinead sighed. "Then I was born and things went wrong. Instead of bringing her and Dad together, I kept them apart. Everyone watched Mam like a hawk for clues as to who was my father. Grandmam found the letters and forbid Mam from seeing Dad. After a while, Mam realized it was pointless staying in Ireland and agreed to go to Boston."

"When she got to Boston, she met your dad, got pregnant with you and married your dad. But she was still in love with my dad. She named you after him. She wrote Dad letters about you and sent him pictures of you. You were the child she wished she had had with my dad. After years with no communication from my dad, she fell out of love with him and in love with your dad. She was finally ready to have more kids with him. She then had a very happy life, but it was a life in which I didn't fit. Does that sound reasonable?"

"It does." I hugged Sinead again. She felt so good to hold. "I'm sorry, Sinead." I released her and went back to holding hands.

"It's okay. It's definitely not your fault. Talking through it all, I'm ready to let go of Sinead Murphy. She always had a cursed, unhappy life. I'm ready to be Sinead Hayes. I'm ready to write a long letter to Maeve, thanking her for adopting me and doing such a good job of raising me."

"Could your parents have married?"

"Can cousins marry in Ireland? I don't know. I don't know if the church would have agreed to the marriage. I don't think Dad would have married Mam even if he could. He seemed determined to marry Maeve instead."

"Maeve offered him a better future. I'd guess he'd married her hoping that things would work out."

"And they partially did. Dad loves being a successful farmer, but Maeve makes him miserable."

I could see Maeve making any husband miserable.

"Enough about them," said Sinead. "What about us? Do you have any ideas?"

"None worth sharing." Then I thought of something. "Oh, I forgot to tell you - Mom died because of unsafe practices at her work. Dad sued the company for negligence and won a large settlement. He gave me a fourth of the settlement. That's what I used to travel around Europe. I'll give you half of what I got." I told her how much. "That will be more than enough to get you situated anywhere you choose to go."

"You don't have to, Noel."

"I want to."

"I don't want you to."

"Sinead..."

"How about this - I'll figure out what I want to do then we'll discuss the money, okay?"

"Okay."

"Would you mind leaving me alone so I can think?"

"Not at all. I'll be vacuuming and cleaning." I got off the bed and headed out of the room, grabbing my cell phone on the way.

As I got to the door, Sinead said, "I wonder what Mam would advise?"

I closed the door behind me and turned back on the vacuum cleaner. It was an interesting idea - what would Mom had advised? We were her two children, brought into the world while she was in love with Sinead's dad. She knew about the pain and heartache of incestuous relationships. What would she advise? I had no idea.

I was in a better mood because Sinead was in a better mood. I had to trust that she would figure something out. I texted Doug about when he was going to be back at the apartment. He texted back late tomorrow night.

As I cleaned the apartment, I had some serious doubts about how compatible Doug and I were as roommates. I didn't want the apartment as clean as Mom had kept the house, but I had standards. I wondered if Doug had done anything to clean while I was in Europe. For a second, I thought about having Sinead as my roommate if she stayed in Boston. I knew we could equitably divide the chores. But could I stand to live with her? Would I forget she was my sister when I saw her in some sexy outfit? How would I take it when she brought some guy home? No, best not go there.

"Noel, please come hold me again."

I went into my bedroom, climbed onto the bed and hugged Sinead. She had changed into one of my t-shirts while keeping on her skirt. She never wore a t-shirt with a skirt. Had she spilled something on her blouse?

"Thanks, Noel, for being patient."

Sinead broke the hug and we held hands. She smiled at me. She looked the happiest since I had told her about Mom.

"I think I have things figured out. But before I say anything, I want to know how you want our relationship to be."

"I want you to be happy."

Sinead give me a little smirk. "I asked how you want our relationship to be, not how you want me to be. I'm assuming we both want both of us happy."

"I don't know, Sinead. I don't have any good ideas for how our relationship should be."

"Come on. You must have come up with at least one idea."

Was she braless? She was wearing a dark t-shirt so I couldn't see the outline of her nipples. I could make a little bit of her nub and when she moved, it seemed like she jiggled.

"I was thinking you would go to Germany to be with some of your friends from college. Today and tomorrow, I'd give you a tour of Boston then Tuesday you'd fly out. We'd keep in touch by email, maybe once a month."

"That would not make me happy. I don't want to live in Germany. I don't want to have to speak German all the time and I don't want to work for the overlords who have Ireland under their economic thumb. Try again."

"Sinead..."

"Come on, try again. Humor me."

She was smiling now and the sparkle was back in her eyes. She was enjoying herself.

"Okay. You could live with Dad and my sisters for a while. Dad and I would help you network within the Irish community to get a job and a roommate. We would be friends and see each other occasionally at Irish functions."

"I like that a lot better. I'm looking forward to meeting Erin and Riley and being a big sister to them. And I'm looking forward to doing things with the Irish community here in Boston. But that's not what I want." Sinead sidled up next to me then leaned into me. "Do you know what I really want?"

"No."

In a low, sexy voice, Sinead said, "Sinead Hayes wants to celebrate moving in with her Boston boyfriend by giving him a good fucking."

"Sinead!"

"I've been thinking a lot about my mam and dad." Sinead grabbed my right hand with both of her hands. "How they loved each other." She toyed with my hand. "How they were miserable for years because they didn't stay together." Sinead raised my hand upwards. "We aren't going to make that mistake." Sinead put my hand on her left tit. She was definitely braless.

Sinead smiled at me as I kept my hand there. I knew I should take it away, but it felt so good in my hand.

"I realized another way that you and I are like my mam and dad." She grabbed my other hand. "You can't resist me, just like Dad couldn't resist Mam". She raised my hand up and put it on her other tit. "You tried hard to resist me, didn't you? You couldn't resist making love to me the morning after I showed you the pictures of Mam."

"I had thought it was ridiculous to even consider that the first person I had met in Ireland was a sister that I hadn't know I had had."

Sinead smiled and raised her eyebrows to show that she didn't believe me. She moved her chest a little forward and back, so her tits would move within my hands. I knew I should have dropped me hands, that even though I had done nothing to fondle Sinead's tits it was wrong of me to do so. Sinead was lightly holding my wrists and I could have easily broken out of her grasp, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

"Then when I brought you up to my room, you didn't resist me."

"I didn't want to make noise with your parents next door. And you fucked me. I just laid there."

My justification sounded feeble in my ears. Sinead smirked. She grabbed the bottom of her shirt, pulled it over her head and tossed it aside, exposing her beautiful tits to me. She grabbed my hands and led them back to her tits.

Sinead had planned this. She had purposely changed into one of my t-shirts so that she could easily get my hands onto her naked tits. I started to pull my hands away, but Sinead tightened her grip on my wrists. When my hands stayed on her tits, she smiled at me. I felt so weak in her presence. She knew what I wanted and she knew how to give me what I wanted so I couldn't refuse it.

"Then you decided to run. Leave me and go to London. To get safely away from your sister. You bought the ferry ticket without telling me. Were you planning on coming back to Ireland for the two weeks prior to your departure?"

"No."

"But I wouldn't let you go. And you didn't put up any resistance to my coming with you."

Her tits felt so good in my hands. I had thought I would never touch them again, but here I was. I could feel my resolve crumbling.

I practically mumbled, "Once I made the offer to come back to Ireland and travel with you, I didn't think I could tell you no with no justification."

Again, Sinead started leaning towards me and away from me so her tits would move within my hands. "You could have said no and not offered a justification. But you wanted me to travel with you. You wanted your sister to be with you as you explored Europe. You wanted her in your bed as often as you could arrange it." Sinead reached down with her hand and grabbed my cock through my shorts. I was hard. "You even fell in love with her, even though you didn't want to. Didn't you?"

"Yes."

I could feel my hands squeezing and releasing Sinead's tits. It was like they were acting on their own volition. I had squeezed her perfect tits so many times before that they knew to do it without my thinking, like how you ride a bike automatically.

"Then you told me a little while ago that several times in Europe you almost told me that I was your sister. But you never could do it, could you?"

I shook my head.

"You knew it was wrong to fuck me, to be in love with me, to have me think that we would be living together in Boston as boyfriend and girlfriend. But you couldn't end it. You couldn't give up having your sister as your girlfriend one day earlier than you needed to, could you?"

Sinead had hit the nail on the head with the hammer. I had known all summer what I was doing was wrong, but I couldn't give it up. That was why I had been so willing to kick the can down the road. But it didn't change that what we had done all summer was wrong, just like what we were doing now was wrong.

Sinead raised up on her knees. "Come here," she said as she grabbed my head and guided it to her chest. Her nipple popped into my mouth. I sucked on it, like it was a natural reflex. Sinead moaned. "That feels so good, Noel. I love it when you suck on my tits. You love sucking on my tits, don't you?"

I didn't answer. My continued sucking was answer enough.

"Are my tits the only tits in the world you want to suck on?"

I didn't answer as I continued to suck on her tit. Sinead grabbed my head and lightly pulled me off her tit so she could look me straight in the eye.

"Are my tits the only tits in the world you want to suck on?"

It took me only a second to reach an answer. "Yes, they are."

"Good answer," said Sinead as she guided my head to her other tit. "Aye, Noel, suck on it like that. You're getting me so hot."

Sinead grabbed my hand and guided it under her skirt to her bare pussy. She wasn't wearing any panties.

"Feel that, Noel? I'm getting wet for you. My body doesn't care that you're my brother. All it cares about is that you're a male that I want to fuck. And I badly want to fuck you."

Sinead's low, sexy voice and her body had me mesmerized. I was completely under her spell. A voice in my head was screaming that this was wrong, that I should stop it right now, get off of the bed and get out of the room. But it seemed to be screaming from far away and I could barely hear it. What I mainly heard was the roar of lust in my ears. My body didn't care that Sinead was my sister and it badly wanted to fuck her too.

"I'm almost done talking, Noel. Let's get more comfortable for the rest of the conversation. Take your shorts and underwear off."

I got off the bed and stood up. This was it. This was the time for me to say that this was wrong, that we were brother and sister and shouldn't be doing this.

I started to speak, but couldn't. Sinead smiled at me as she unzipped her skirt. She knew I'd do what she wanted. My defenses crumbled. I pulled down my shorts and underwear and I got back on the bed naked.

I had expected we would get under the covers, but instead Sinead had us sit on the covers facing each other. Our bodies were next to each other's with my legs over her legs, which were wrapped around me. Our crotches were touching. We held each other close.

Sinead smiled at me. She had planned all this and I had meekly gone along. She was right - I couldn't resist her.

Sinead kissed me. It was a short kiss, but clearly a kiss from a girlfriend, not a sister. It felt so right.

"I love you, Noel. Do you love me?"

"Yes," I said in a defeated voice.

"And you can't resist me. If I wanted to fuck right now, you'd go along. And if we fucked right now, you'd fuck me again tonight; and you'd fuck me again tomorrow; and you'd fuck me every day after that. Wouldn't you?"

I didn't answer. We both knew it was true.

"But I'm stopping here, Noel. I want to fuck you, but more importantly I want you to want to fuck me. I want you to love me like you've loved me all summer. You're the only fella for me, Noel, but you have to choose to be me fella. Know that if you don't choose to be me fella, we'll both be miserable for years, if not for the rest of our lives. What do you want, Noel?"

I sighed. "Sinead, we're brother and sister."

"You're the brother of Sinead Murphy. She's gone. We said goodbye to her a little while ago. I'm Sinead Hayes now, daughter of an upstanding farming couple that you aren't related to."

"Sinead, regardless of what name you go by, we're still brother and sister."

"It will be our secret. And that's fine - all couples have secrets. Your parents kept how long they were married a secret."

I felt like Sinead was running circles around me. "Your dad knows."

"And my dad will say nothing, because he knows if he ever says anything, it will come out that he knocked up Mam while he was engaged to Maeve."

"What about kids? Wouldn't our kids be fucked up?"

"Kids are way out there in the future and hopefully we'll be making enough money by then that we'll have lots of options if we need to work around that."

I had been tossing out any old question that had popped into my head. If Sinead and I had to adopt, would it change anything?

What did I want? If Sinead and I wanted to be a couple, almost certainly no one would ever know we were brother and sister. It would take some serious digging to turn up that we were related. What did I want? I said earlier that I wanted Sinead to be happy. She's made it clear what would make her happy. And being her boyfriend again would certainly make me happy. However, I had hated keeping all summer that I was her brother a secret from her. Did I really want to keep it a secret from everyone else for forever?

"Sinead, I love you. But we're brother and sister. It's wrong for us to be a couple." The confident smile was gone from her face. "I don't know why it's wrong for us to be a couple. I don't know if anyone ever said to me that it would be wrong for me to have sex with my sister." She was definitely worried now. "No one has to tell me that I should never touch Erin or Riley in a sexual way. It's just wrong. So I don't think we should be a couple."

Sinead was crestfallen. She hung her head.

I had expected a "you're right but that sucks" look. Instead, Sinead had a "I can't believe the idiot decided that" look. I realized I had missed something; that she had said something she had thought had turned things around and I had missed it. I thought over what she had said and I realized what I had missed. And yes, I was an idiot.

I couldn't take back what I had said, so I added to it by saying, "That is, we shouldn't be a couple unless we both believe that the other is truly the only person for them."

A smile exploded onto Sinead's face. "I'm willing to let you convince me that you're the only person for me." She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me down so that I was lying on top of her. "Tell me how much you love me."

Well, I had given her a bad scare, so it was the least I could do. "I love you, Sinead, with all my heart and all my soul. And you're right, I can't resist you. I've tried and I've tried and each time, I failed badly. So I'm not going to try to resist you anymore. You're going to have to put up with me loving you forever. I hope you can handle that."

Sinead kissed me. Her eyes sparkled with joy. "I've got a few questions before I'm totally convinced." I had been kneeling above Sinead, but she moved and pushed my legs as she spoke so that we ended up in the missionary position.

"Who's in charge?" Sinead asked.

"You are."

I kissed Sinead hungrily. I slipped my tongue into her mouth then our tongues dueled rapidly. Thrust and parry. Block and riposte. I felt so light, like a huge burden that I had carried all summer was gone from my shoulders. I loved Sinead and she loved me, both as we are.

"That was so wonderful," said Sinead, "I almost forgot my next question."

I felt Sinead's hand grab my cock and guide it to her pussy lips, where she held it in place.

"Are you ever going to keep a secret from me bigger than what present you're going to buy me?"

"Never."

Sinead pulled the crown of my cock into her. I pushed slowly from there. She wasn't as wet as when I've made her come before penetrating her so I took my time pushing into her. Eventually, I was buried all the way into her.

"I love you, Sinead."

I felt so great to be able to say it without holding back. No secret asterisk. No hidden caveat. No fine print. I loved her as much as any man as ever loved a woman.

"I love you, Noel."

I pulled slowly back. It felt so good to be in Sinead again. We were made for each other. Tingles flowed up my cock then through the rest of my body. Her pussy was wonderfully tight as it wrapped around my cock. It offered resistance as I buried my cock in her again, but it was a joyful embrace kind of resistance.

"Don't...stop...fucking me," said Sinead as she writhed in pleasure on my cock.

I loved looking down on her beautiful face. We had done it. We had come through the storm and ended up more in love on the other side.

"I have one last question," said Sinead. She flashed me an impish smile. "Now that we have this nice apartment, are we going to fuck only in the missionary position on your bed?"

"No way."

I grabbed Sinead and while still embedded in her, dragged her to the edge of the bed so that I could stand up and fuck her. I resumed plunging in and out of her.

"As soon as I can, I'm going to fuck you in my car. Some day, I'll sneak you into my office and fuck you on my desk. We're going to fuck every place imaginable in this apartment. We not going to be here much on the weekends as we'll be fucking all over New England."

"Fuck me, Noel. I love you. And I want to fuck you everywhere."

I felt like an animal. It was okay for me to lust for Sinead now. To fuck her without reservation. To delight in her body. We both moaned as I plunged deeply in and out of her.

I liked how I was towering over Sinead, but the angle felt wrong. Also, it was so...conventional. I had an idea. I bear hugged Sinead and lifted her off the bed. She was too heavy for me to fuck standing up, but I could carry her for a short distance.

I carried her out of the bedroom and over to the washing machine, where I set her gently down. I tried to resume fucking her, but she was too high. Sinead solved that by jumping off the washing machine, turning around, leaning over the washing machine while lifting her leg to rest it on the dryer. I plunged my cock back into her.

"Oh God, Noel. I love it."

I had to rise up on my toes a bit to get the right angle, but I loved it too. I put one hand on her narrow waist and I put the other hand on her long, beautiful leg. I resumed fucking Sinead, falling into an easy rhythm. Sinead couldn't move much, so I did all the work. In and out, in and out. It was a delight to be fucking her without any guilt.

"I should have fucked you in that laundromat in Paris after our first fight."

"You should have. I would have loved it."

I was fucking her hard now. My body made a loud slapping noise each time I buried my cock in her. She was very wet now, so each thrust was pure pleasure.

Sinead said, "You've convinced me that you're the only one for me."

I chuckled. "You're the only one for me. There's no one like you."

We normally didn't talk while we fucked, but I was so joyful that I kept thinking of things to share. "You know, I'll think of this every time I do laundry."

Sinead turned to me and smiled. "We'll have to think of something to do in the kitchen that you'll think of each time you cook."

She turned back and held tight to the washer as I savagely pounded her. Instead of going "oh, oh, oh" like usual, Sinead went "oui, oui, oui", which cracked me up.

I came so close to losing this wonderful woman. I'm such an idiot.

It was warm where we were and we were sweating hard. I could feel the sweat as I ran my hand down her leg. Sinead's hair was damp with sweat. She had never looked more beautiful than she did then.

The "oui, oui, oui" had become "oh, oh, oh" as our crazy fuck continued. I could tell she was getting close. I held off as long as I could. I felt so good fucking the woman I was going to love forever.

Finally, I could hold back no more and my cum blasted into her. At the same time, I felt Sinead shudder with her orgasm. I pumped more slowly into Sinead, then even more slowly, and then I stopped. I pulled out.

Sinead stood up and hugged me. While we continued hugging, we staggered through the door to my bedroom and collapsed on the bed. We got under the covers and cuddled.

"I love you, Sinead."

"And I love you, Noel."

"I'm sorry about the scare there. When I found out that you were my sister, I planned on doing the right thing today and started working on the speech. I should have thought things through and realized I needed to do the right-right thing."

Then Sinead squeezed me tight and her voice got very serious. "After I had to give up all my dreams about Mam, I couldn't give you up too."

I gave her a gentle hug. "It's okay, it's okay. I'm very glad that you talked some sense into me. I would have been so miserable without you."

That was what I had missed in her talk. When I had thought about breaking up with Sinead, I had always assumed the old plenty-of-fish-in-the-sea thing; that we would move on, find new significant others fairly quickly and ride off happily to different sunsets. That wouldn't have happened. Yes, there would have been other fish in the sea, but they would have had to compete the memory of Sinead - my beautiful, wonderful, brilliant Sinead. But that wasn't all - they'd have to compete with the memory of Sinead pretending to be wearing the crown jewels, Sinead admiring the view from the Eiffel Tower, Sinead rubbing the foot of Saint Peter at the Vatican for good luck, Sinead sitting on the sink in a rail car bathroom with her panties off and her skirt held high. We had fallen in love while on a wonderful adventure, the likes of which I'll never have again. No woman would ever be able to compete with that. I would have been miserable forever, always toting a truckload of baggage into every relationship. Sinead was facing the same thing. How could deciding that we would both be miserable forever be the right thing?

I pictured Sinead and I, old and gray with our great-grandchildren around us. Some movie would be on and I'd say, "That movie reminds me of the one we saw in London." Then we'd both smile. Sinead and I are going to have lots and lots of secrets to keep.

"Sinead, have you...um...given any thought to marriage?"

Sinead squealed then hugged me tight.

"I've already picked out our wedding rings."

Epilogue

I gave Sinead my phone before pulling out onto the street. "Text my dad and tell him that I'm on my way to the house. That I've got a big surprise from Ireland for him and the girls."

Sinead smiled at me, then worked my phone for a few moments. "Done."

I took my phone from her and put it in a cup holder. "I'm nervous."

"You're nervous?" Sinead said incredulously. "I'm about to meet your family as your fiancee when they have no idea I exist and you're nervous?"

"I am. I had how I was going to introduce you as our half-sister all worked out. I'm totally unprepared to introduce you as my fiancee. Whereas you probably have had a plan for a long time for what to do when I introduce you."

"I do have a plan. It's to smile prettily while you do all the talking."

I chuckled. "Are you my fiancee if I haven't given you a ring yet? Or are we just planning to get married right now?"

"Yes, I'm your fiancee, you silly goose. The ring doesn't matter. I don't care about the ring. The commitment to get married is all that's important."

"Okay." Then I thought of something. "Are you sure about getting married, Sinead?"

"Absolutely."

"Good. Then we should get married as quickly as possible. You meet with the immigration lawyer this week, find out any special i's we need to dot and t's we need to cross, then we'll go to the courthouse and get married."

"Why am I the only one to meet with the immigration lawyer?"

"Because this is my first week at work and I don't want to take any time off. If we can make an appointment for after work, I'll go. Otherwise, you'll have to handle everything."

"Why the rush to get married?"

"Because if we don't get married right away, my family is going to want to give us a big wedding. Invite all of my family. And your family."

"My family can never come here," cut in Sinead. She sighed. "I know that sounds terrible, but if one of them ever comes here, it'll come out that we are brother and sister."

I nodded my head in agreement.

"I don't know what I think about my family," continued Sinead. "I'm so glad to know that my dad is really my dad, that my biological father isn't just some random fella but someone who loves me dearly. But I'm furious that he never told me, that he never trusted me enough to tell me the truth, and that he had someone he didn't know do what he should have done all along."

"Your dad wanted you to call him after I told you what he told me."

"And I'm going to give him a piece of my mind."

"Are you going to tell him that we're getting married?"

Another big sigh. "No. I don't want to risk him do something to stop us from getting married. And if I told him that we're getting married, I'd have to tell him that I'd lied to him all summer. I don't want to do that." I waited, letting Sinead think more about what she wanted to do. "I don't want my family to know that I'm going to be a US citizen. Hopefully, I'll get a job here programming iPads..."

"I'm sure that someone my dad knows can help you get you a programming job."

"...and I don't think I want my family to know that. Otherwise, one of my brothers will want to come over for a better economic opportunity." Sinead nodded her head. "That's it. I'll keep in touch, maybe once a year, but I'll tell them that I'm scratching out a meager existence, hiding in the shadows with the other non-citizens. No way I'd be able to host any of them that came for a visit."

The family secrets continue to grow...

"What about your friends?"

"They could come over. They don't know I'm adopted. They know what we'll be telling everyone in Boston - that I barely speak to my family." Sinead gave me a smile. "In fact, I'm hoping one or two will come over to live. Know of any nice fellas that I'd could set them up with?"

I chuckled. "I do. I have a lot of friends who'd like to meet a pretty Irish girl." I reached over and squeezed Sinead's hand. "Particularly after they see how happy I'm in with mine."

For a while, I pointed out sights as I drove. Then Sinead said, "The only family member I really want at my wedding is Grandmam. But that's not going to be possible - then it'll come out that my mam was Margaret Murphy, not Maeve Hayes."

"Aren't you mad at her for not telling you your dad was your biological father?"

"Na, na. That was my dad's responsibility." Sinead was silent for a minute. "I'm going to have to tell Grandmam everything. Everyone else, I can tell them that I couldn't find Mam and they'll be fine with that. I can't lie to Grandmam about not being able to find her only child. I have to tell her the truth."

"Well, we know she can keep a secret."

"She can. And she can keep an eye on my family to make sure that they don't do anything that threatens us."

I stopped the car. "Here's my house."

A haunted look came over Sinead. "So many times I imagined myself arriving outside Mam's house like this. I'd step out of a taxi, go up to the front door, ring the bell, then Mam would open the door. She'd know instantly who I was. We'd hug, she'd invite me inside and I'd be her daughter from then on."

Tears were forming on Sinead's face.

I said, "She's gone, but you're still her daughter. You can't meet her directly, but you can meet her husband and her two other daughters. You can see the house she lived in, how she decorated it. It's far from being able to meet her, but it's not nothing."

Sinead squeezed me hand. "Aye, it's more than many adoptees ever get."

We sat in my car for a while, holding hands. Finally, Sinead said, "I think I'm ready to go in."

We held hands as we walked to the door. I opened it and called out, "I'm home!"

I led Sinead into the living room. Dad, Erin and Riley were there, along with Mary, the woman Dad had been dating. They were surprised my Sinead's presence.

"Everyone, this is Sinead." Where to begin? Might as well get it over with. "Sinead is my fiancee." Everyone gasped. "I met her when I arrived in Ireland. She offered to show me around Cork for a few hours. We hit it off so well that we spent the rest of the day with each other. Then the next day. And the next day. She toured Europe with me. And this morning, we decided to get married."

Everyone looked at us in stunned silence. After a few moments, Dad said, "I'd thought I'd be the one with the big news - Mary and I are going to get married."

"Congratulations!" I gave Mary a big hug. That seemed to jolt everyone out of their stupor and they all took turns hugging Sinead.

"Where are you from?" asked Dad.

"A small town outside of Cork. Though I've lived in Cork since I started university."

Erin said to Dad, "We told you that he was traveling with a girl."

Dad snickered. "You did. And I didn't argue with you."

I said, "I don't really know how to describe how it was between Sinead and me. It wasn't love at first sight, but there was something special between us right away. At first, I thought it would it be just a brief vacation fling..."

"Noel cleaned my kitchen that first day we were together," interrupted Sinead. "And after he cooked me an incredible breakfast, I decided to not let him get away."

Sinead and I sketched out her life story for my family. Then we pulled out our tablets and showed everyone our pictures of Europe. My family and Mary gradually warmed to Sinead. I could tell they were still shocked by my big news, but I felt they could tell how well Sinead and I got along and how much we loved each other.

While we were showing pictures, I had an idea. Once we were done, I said to Dad, "Could I talk to you alone for a moment?"

"Sure, Son."

I went into my parents' bedroom. Dad closed the door when he came in. He said, "Sinead seems like a wonderful girl. Still quite the surprise. Are you sure you want to get married so soon?"

"I'm sure. I have no doubts that she's the right one for me." Time to put my idea into action. "Do you have Mom's wedding ring?"

Dad looked confused. "I do."

"Are you going to give it to Mary?"

"No." My dad shook his head. "We're going to get a new set of rings."

"Could I give Mom's ring to Sinead? I don't have an engagement ring. I've told Sinead about how much I loved Mom and how much I miss her. I think she'd be touched if I gave her Mom's ring."

Dad thought for a moment. "It's not much of a ring. We didn't have any money when we got married. I'm okay with you giving it to Sinead, but the girls have to agree too."

"Perfect. Where is it?"

Dad went over to the chest of drawers, opened a box on top of it, took out the ring and handed it to me.

I asked, "Could you have Mary show Sinead the backyard for a few moments?"

Dad smiled. "Certainly."

Dad and I re-entered the living room. Sinead asked me, "What are you up to?"

"Just giving you girls some time to get acquainted."

Sinead rolled her eyes at me. She knew I was up to something.

Mary said to Sinead, "Let me show the backyard."

Sinead looked at me. I smiled innocently. She sighed and said, "That'd be wonderful."

Once Sinead was out of earshot, I held up Mom's wedding ring and said to Erin and Riley, "I haven't really proposed to Sinead yet. And I'd like to give her Mom's wedding ring when I propose. Would either of you mind if I were to give Sinead Mom's wedding ring?"

Erin and Riley thought for a moment, then both said, "No." Erin added, "She seems really nice."

"She is. I've told her all about you two and she wants to be a big sister to the two of you. How about tomorrow you show her what American shopping malls are like?"

They smiled. Erin said, "That'd be fun."

I heard Mary and Sinead coming back into the house. I flashed the ring to Erin and Riley, said "Thanks," and then palmed it.

Sinead came back into the living room and gave me a kiss. I could tell she knew I was up to something and was waiting for me to surprise her. As everyone was there, it was time.

I got down on one knee and said, "Sinead, I love you." I showed Sinead the ring. "This is my mom's wedding ring" - our mom's wedding ring. Tears started rolled down Sinead's face. "Would you marry me and wear this ring as a symbol of our love for each other?"

Tears were flooding Sinead's face now. She nodded then said, "Yes."

I slipped the ring onto her finger, sprang up and pulled her into a hug. Sinead started sobbing into my chest. She would never know her mother as she had dreamed, but she would have her son and she'd wear her wedding ring every day.

Erin, Riley and Dad formed a circle around us, then were gently hugging us. After a few moments, Dad said, "Welcome to the family, Sinead."