Chapter 9- Bury Your Secrets Where No One Can See Them

November 16th, 2046, 11:46

(Tess's POV)

Eventually, I got to like Noah, believe it or not. Even if he is an obstacle in getting Ally, he's a good guy, not handsome or somewhat funny, but he is good-hearted and kind, so that really sets him apart from the rest. I really couldn't find a valid reason not to tell him my story, even the part about my real name not being Tessandra Rubiderf, but rather Nam Seoyeon. Of course I felt remorse and a lot of pain when I told him about the story of a girl whose ex-boyfriend manipulated and brainwashed into killing her parents and her bestfriend. It really was inevitable to feel bad about it. Damn the day I met you Kang Jianyu.

However, I didn't feel uncomfortable talking about it with him, he never judged me, or said something mean like"you deserved it" or "it was your fault", he always was understanding and made me feel comfortable sharing what I had been hiding for so long. It was, well, euphoric. I really don't have enough words to express the joy that moment brought me. It's like one of those experiences that can't fully be explained, but are so unique and special that the only thing you want is to freeze time so you can live in that moment forever. And don't get me wrong, I am so not in love with him,really I am fully lesbian, and aren't interested on him. I just shared a very emotional moment with him, That's all.

-So, you really did kill your parents?

Noah asked with puppy eyes.

-Yeah, not intentionally of course.

I replied while sipping on the coffee he bought for me, he really has been nice to me.

-In my case it was only my father, and it definitely was intentional.

My expression must've said everything, because he immediately sat up and exhaled deeply. Did he kill his father? My eyes were open wide and my mouth open, unable to emit any sound. Noah's expression turned sad and nostalgic, staring emptily to the horizon.

-You see, ever since I was born, my father treated my mom like nothing, she always locked up the door to her room, I always heard her cry at night. One day when I was 15, I walked up to my house to see my mom lying in the living room carpet, beaten up, barely breathing. I didn't even think about it, I grabbed one of the kitchen's knives and went to his room. I stuck it to his back and then sliced open his throat. He deserved it.

-And where was Lyla back then?

-My mom hadn't remarried yet, it was last summer when she met Lyla's mom, whom she married a few weeks after. She's happy and that makes me happy.

He finished as his eyes crystalized and filled up with tears. I couldn't begin to understand how much pain he went through. I mean, yeah, my parents fought sometimes but my father never hit my mom. It is very difficult to think of him as that kind of person. He's always smiling, always trying to help others, no one would have thought he had that kind of past. It hurt me to see him like this. It wasn't fair. He's such a great person and he had suffered so much. It's so unfair.

-Anyway, you like Allison don't you?

-Huh?

Of course I heard him, it's just that I would not think, him, of all people, would be asking me that.

-I know you heard me, anyway, I just wanted to tell you that she's yours if you want her. I'm not interested anymore. I'm just... tired, I don't want her to have to go through all the things I'm dealing with right now. She deserves to be happy and to be loved.

-You know what? I won't stand you treating yourself like this. You're an incredible person and a good guy, who cares what happened in your past, who cares if you killed someone, I've never seen somebody love someone the way you love her. You literally carried her all the way to the hospital. You love her, and she loves you. It's stupid to think that she won't accept you by who you really are. Yeah, you've got daddy issues, so what, I'm a fledgling with dead parents and no plans for the future,and also a lesbian. There are people with bigger issues, and she needs you as much as you think you need her. And yeah, I might have a little crush on her, but it compares to nothing to how much you love her. So cut the crap and go with her instead of wasting my time whining. Sorry for the cursing and actively insulting you, it happens when I'm mad, I'll probably apologize later. Now go! Go now!

I really meant it, everything I said to him. But honestly, I was also talking to me. I've always tried to think that my past doesn't define me, that I'm more than just the wrongful decisions I have taken. It's reassuring to get it out, and help someone in the process. I guess that I didn't have to keep everything to myself. It was better to tell it to someone. I did not need tu bury all my secrets where no one could see them.