Chapter 10: Vi's Broken Heart

Vi POV

Glancing at my phone's clock to check my pacing, I took a deep breath multiple times. I had to put asterisks beside each question I couldn't answer. An image could be formed out of these asterisks, maybe I'm becoming dumber after taking all of the quizzes continuously. Nervousness strikes in as I began worrying about tomorrow's quizzes.

The vibration from my phone helped me stop dozing off. I glanced at my phone as I swiped through the notifications. sent a message to me just now. It was Dan again

"Hey Vi, there's something I wanted to ask. Are you busy?"

Right, I almost forgot. I permitted him to ask questions anytime. I shouldn't have. "Really? Around this hour? Let's make this short 'cause I'm really busy."

"Oh really? Nevermind then, it wasn't an urgent question. I just noticed something but it isn't important."

"It's really fine. Just message me only if it is urgent. If it's not about math or any subject, don't. Please."

"Okay, I understand. Have a good night's sleep!"

His sudden message reminded me of someone I desperately wasted my time on, Andrew. I know I couldn't bring back time but I hope that one day we will be okay. I wish that I could forgive him. I wish that I could forget him. He was someone I've thought that I could trust.

He is the reason why I can't trust anyone so easily.

***

2015

"Oh my goodness Violet. Don't be overconfident with your singing. You have an annoying voice that makes me want to cover my ears. Your protruded teeth fit your terrible voice. Even if you are smarter than us, no one will ever be on your side because everybody from our class listens to us. The school doesn't want someone who has the appearance and the brain of a bunny. We'll never stop until you leave this school, understood?"

They'll never stop, would they? Their words triggered insecurities I'd want to change. There's nothing I can do. I know that I'm defenseless. I'll just have to tolerate this school year then I'll leave this school completely.

Suddenly, a familiar shadow appeared behind their backs, "Girls, I don't want to be involved with you and your petty circle of friends against Vi but be aware of your place. I know you Tintin since your mother is the school principal and my mother's friend, however, do you want to be expelled? I might report you but I won't. Yet, let this be the last, alright? Your parents will become greatly disappointed if they find out. She didn't do anything wrong to you. Starting today, I'll be guarding Vi so don't you dare insult her. Or else, face the consequences."

She didn't speak, instead, she and her pack of friends were dismayed.

"Vi, let's go somewhere else. I know the right place for us to talk in private."

Without any response, he grabbed my wrist and led me to an old storage room. The floor was filled with grey dust particles. Some of it accumulated on top of wooden chairs and tables.

"If you ever feel unsafe without me, you can hide here. No one knows that there's a hidden storage room except for the maintenance staff and us. Just don't tell anyone else, alright?"

"O-okay, I'll avoid them too.

He changed his gaze and asked, "Are you alright Vi? They looked like they were up to no good."

I replied, "Maybe." Not really.

"Please be honest to me. I observed you from afar for a few days back because something felt off about you being alone. I promise that I will not tell anyone if you ever open up. Not a single soul. When you need someone to talk with, I'm available. Remember that I'll be your shoulder to lean on."

My eyes felt a bit warm as teardrops fell, "Why are you being so nice? To me?"

His eyes shimmered as he wiped off my tears and gently smiled, "It's because no one deserves to be left alone. Especially you. I want to see you happy and get along with others someday."

This is how our friendship started. Well, I thought it would last for years. Yet, those gentle words that came from him made me vulnerable. I fell for him but the force of gravity pulled me towards the knives of betrayal sharpened by his lies. Yet, do you know why it hurts even more? The only friend I trusted was the source of my unfulfilled dream. I recklessly loved him. Now, I despise him.

If it weren't for him, my reputation wouldn't have worsened and a student-teacher would have higher chances of getting employed as an engineer.

His rumor is as venomous as a serpent's bite with poison that crawls and haunts slowly into one's life.

My heart locked away the trust left. Turned stone-cold and fragile.

After passing the entrance test and transferring schools, everything seems to have changed. He stopped rep back to my messages. He blocked all communications. I wanted to forgive him even if I'm struggling to accept it. All I ever wanted was closure. As I entered a new school year, my world turned grey.

***

October 21, 2016

9:30 PM

I was just outside of the lady's dormitory when I just arrived from my groupmate's house. After logging in, I took a deep breath of the cold fresh air. My phone suddenly buzzed inside one of my pockets. It was a message from Andrew.

What did I do to deserve this?

"I hate you, Vi. Do you know that I'm tired? I'm so tired of talking with people that even a single word from you annoys me. I'm just tired of handling everything and everyone. You won't understand me anyway. I didn't want to hurt you but I already did. I've changed because of the people and I'm afraid that they would dislike me if I made a single mistake. Everyone expects me to be perfect, even.

I wished you weren't my foe. If you didn't, compete for valedictorian, we might have been best of friends. Yet, it's the opposite. Do you want closure? Fine. I'm sorry for my mistakes. Every word that was meant as comfort was fake. It was all a swift action for me to become a valedictorian. And you were my greatest enemy."

His message made me burst into tears. Why does it feel like it's all my fault? I started typing the words I wanted to say, to backfire his sudden message. I never wanted to be a valedictorian, I never did.

"If you wanted the spot, you should have told me. I don't want to force myself to get your attention. I never asked for your attention. You were the one who insisted on it. You should have told me so that I won't get tired. Don't you know that I'm tired too?

Even if I'm tired, I find time for you instead of studying. Still, I won't persuade you to stay by my side anymore. Thank you for those brief moments which made me realize that I finally had a best friend who listened to me in my darkest times. Even if it's all pretense. You're not the Andrew I knew before. As you said, it was all fake. You're the reason for my endless questions stuck in my head.

'Why did he do it?'

'Have I ever done anything wrong?'

'Why did he have to pretend when he could have been straightforward?'

Maybe it's my fault that I've trusted too easily.

Still, I wish you the best of luck. Goodbye old friend. Hope that we would never cross paths ever again."

I clicked the send button.

He responded, "Goodbye."

I sob as I covered my face with both of my hands. The warm tears didn't stop flowing. I always hide my feelings for others but I can't anymore.

It was all a lie? I trusted him in every problem I faced. Why can't he do the same? I guess promises were meant to be broken after all.

There were times that I would look at Andrew's smiles in his recent photos and he seems happy now. He has a new group of friends in his new school. His timeline is filled with shared posts and memes. As months went by, I've noticed that he shares quite emotional posts.

I was worried yet I resisted this feeling. I shouldn't be feeling this. He never needed me. I needed him more.

I can't feel anything anymore. It's like I became a very different person. I became too sensitive with the people around me. I knew that he is with someone better than me in all aspects. How foolish of me to believe that we had a chance to be more than friends.

***

Andrew and Dan are similar people. We've become further apart because of vicious rumors. Honestly, I'm just tired of the drama. This is why I'm avoiding Dan. I don't need drama in my life, I just wanted to get through high school. I've already gone through worse.

Being a normal student is alright with me. No achievements? At least I'm a bit happier. Recognition? I'll be recognized if I truly deserve it. Yet, now I had to be a top student again for my parents.

Why am I even reminiscing the past? I should forget it like it never happened. Remembering Andrew just stabs me endlessly.

For Dan, he didn't start a rumor against me, it was her girlfriend Ritchie. Yet, Ritchie knows my past. She knows the rumor which Andrew spread among my former batchmates in elementary. If she tells my batchmates, no one will look at me the same ever again.

I wanted him to be my friend. He is still my friend. I just wanted to avoid him because of Ritchie.

I looked at my past dream journal entries. I knew beforehand of someone's betrayal but I disregarded it. This is why I started writing entries. Maybe through this way, I could stop expecting anything from anyone.

Heavy rain started pouring down. It's another sign that I'll get through something terrible again. There are questions I'd like to ask in the heavens above. Why lend me a gift like this? Visions of the future through dreams? Looking at others' futures through palm lines? Seasons changing due to my emotions? It doesn’t make sense.

I flicked the lights off and drifted to sleep. Sleep makes me forget about the present. Maybe I'm destined to stay ahead of time.

***

A young man's voice suddenly asked, "Tala, do you believe in gods and goddesses? In myths and stories?"

I replied, "Of course father. You tell me about them every night. Why won't I believe in them?"

He cleared his throat and continued speaking, "We received news from outside our barangay that a different religion began spreading and ruling over lands. Tala, promise me that you'll stick with your origins and beliefs. Even when I'm gone."

"I will never forget you, father. I promise. Please don't say goodbye to me just yet. I love you father."

"Thank you, my daughter. This is it. Based on your nightmare, my time is coming to its end soon. Whenever you feel alone, just look at the moon at night and your mother will be there to listen. It's the time for you to learn your mother's name."

"My mother has a name?"

"Yes, the protector of the night sky. Just call out for her, even if it's in your thoughts."

"Protector of the night skies? Sounds mystical. Tell me her name, father."

"Her name is Mayari."

"Oooh, Mayari sounds like a majestic name to have a father. I'll make sure to never forget her name."

"Tala, I hope that we will meet again in a different lifetime. In a better life."

It's a shame that I can only hear his voice and not see his face. Yet, his voice was soothing as a father's voice. But, I know that it wasn't my biological father. Still, he called me his child, Tala.

"You are the moon goddess daughter and grandchild of the heavenly skies. I'm grateful to have a special daughter like you. I wish you the best, my child. "