Chapter 16: Transition

I tried to hold back the tears of guilt. I looked away and buried my face while calming myself down. I've been hiding this feeling for a while now yet here I am, sobbing as memories come rushing back. It was all my fault after all. If I didn't keep it a secret, then Anthony would be still dancing now. I wish I didn't waste my time on this useless longing.

Maybe my parents were right. Maybe, I should have followed their wishes for me and never went against them. Maybe auditioning is a bad idea. I don't have any idea about K-pop life yet. If I make this decision, I could never back away from it. Yet, how could I tell Dong-Yul didn't want to try anymore?

Dong-Yul handed me a handkerchief. "You know, the past shouldn't limit you from opportunities. Listen, I might have never offered you my help if I haven't seen any potential within you and I won't even make an effort to persuade you. I already planned out everything you need, I won't waste my money if I pick you. I'm sorry that I might have sounded harsh but you have to learn to deal with criticism as early as now. Only a few trainees can get through monthly evaluations and debut in a group. Look at it as survival of the fittest. Only those who adapt the fastest will survive. Your skills are already impressive but we don't know your opponents yet. "

"I know that I've said that I'll gladly accept your offer but whenever I remember the car accident I couldn't help but put the blame on myself. I once went against my mother's reminder and made my own decision without my parents' consent for my satisfaction. I lied to them so that I could perform. Because of me, my friend couldn't dance anymore. It made me realize that I can't make my own decisions because I always depended on my parents."

"Yet you already said yes to my offer, remember? There's no going back from this the moment we arrive in South Korea. You can back out now but I needed you to listen to your heart. The heart knows what you truly want without biased judgment. I've always said this in interviews: I just follow the rhythm of my heart. I listened to my gut despite other companies wanting to cast me. Through admiration of a trainee's rapping skills, it led me to this career path. If you want, I'll give you more time to think this through. I think one week is enough? I need you to understand that we are running out of time. I need to speak with your parents and do the paperwork. There is little time to prepare for your auditions. I'm going to trust you with this, okay? In the end, you'll have to choose your path."

I nodded my head. I couldn't answer him back today because I'm scared that I'll disappoint him.

We sat beside each other on a wooden bench while sipping water. Jungkook turned to my side, "I have a question, how severe was your knee injury?"

"To be honest, I only had a minor effect and it didn't affect my joints. It's just whenever I dance, his sorrowful face appears. Guilt stopped me from dancing in front of other people."

"I see. You can always talk to me if you ever have personal problems. I'm here to listen."

"Thank you for understanding Dong-Yul-ssi. "

"Okay, it's time for you to go home. I'll try to find choreographies to recommend that will fit your style."

"Alright, Dong-Yul-ssi. Thank you for your time."

I hopped into the vehicle and reflected on the opportunity right in front of me. I had to trust myself in the process.

Listen to your heart for it truly knows what you want more than your mind.

As my usual self, I reviewed a bit and went to sleep without giving much attention to anyone. I drifted myself into a sweet slumber, a dream which reflected a part of me.

***

Seong Sang Mi POV

I messaged Eun So a few times, still no reply. A part of me felt worried since he didn't reply this time. Is it because of the incident? Is it because of the sprain which worsened his condition?

I knew that Yun Shin didn't mean to bump into me during our practice. He might have pushed himself too much that reflected on his frustrated face. Why did he leave me when he saw me unconscious on the floor? What if Eun So never came back to the dance practice room? Maybe if Yun Shin brought me to the hospital himself, Eun So wouldn't have to endure a longer period of healing.

I couldn't help but feel his agony as he watched me and Yun Shin dance for nearly two weeks. After two weeks, he left town without any notice. No calls, no messages, nothing. I even went to his house even though he wasn't there.

I dialed his number one last time right before our dance class began.

"Where are you, Eun So?", I murmured to myself.

Our dance teacher entered the room and all of us present greeted her. "Good morning everyone. For today, just continue meeting up with your group and practice. Remember, you all have exactly two weeks before evaluation.”

We all chorused back, “Yes ma’am. We’ll do our best.”

Every group looked for their spots in the dance studio and started dancing. Since Eun So isn’t here, it felt awkward to be with Yun Shin. Yun Shin and I aren’t that close yet.

I cleared my throat and spoke, "Yun Shin, you remember the choreography, right? Let’s memorize our blocking and polish some steps."

"Oh okay. Sure."

We checked each other's timing and made sure that we wouldn't bump into each other just like last time. We also checked whether we got our angles right. He and Eun So definitely have different dance styles. Eun So has a hip hop feel in his dance while Yun Shin is light on his feet and moves elegantly which fits more on the contemporary style. Even though they're both different, how did they get along so easily?

The incident last time still bothers me. He knew that I lost consciousness yet he didn't rush me to the hospital, Eun So did. Eun So ran in the heavy rain with an injured ankle which worsened. If Yun Shin carried me instead of Eun So, Eun So might be still here.

He must feel devastated knowing that he couldn't dance right now. Worse, he found out that I'll be leaving South Korea too. I planned to tell him, but I tried to find the right timing. I guess there wasn't any right timing.

Eun So and I were finishing up for the day until our dance teacher approached us. "Hi, how's your practice?"

I replied, "Going well ma'am. We needed to polish our steps and wait for Eun So but other than that, we're fine."

"That's great to hear. However, I have some bad news. Eun So might not be joining the evaluations. Because of his recent injury, he'll need some time to rest and heal. Thus, he'll not join us for a month. So, talk among yourselves about whether you'll perform a solo or a duo. Once both of you have decided, inform me immediately. Got it?"

"Yes ma’am."

She left to check the other groups. Will we be able to push through it as a duo? Or should we just settle with solos instead?

Yun Shin faced me and lowered his head. "Mianhae, it was my fault. I know that I should've carried you to the hospital or called an ambulance, but I have this condition which you don't want to know."

"Oh, I didn't know. Anyway, will we perform as a duo? Or do you want to go solo?"

As much as I want to continue with the original choreography as a duo, I don't want Yun Shin to feel uncomfortable around me. He wasn't talkative and I had to initiate our conversations most of the time.

He shifted his gaze to mine. "I want to continue with the original choreography. If Eun So was here, he'd say the same thing. Let's surprise Eun So, before you leave."

My heart started to beat faster. The ceiling lights flickered and the clouds turned grey. He looked out of the windowpane and frightened a little boy with his icy glare. He came back to his senses and walked towards the windowpane to put down the blinds. That's when I realized, there's something about the rain which he disliked. Maybe something related to his past?

Behind his warm smile was a dark secret. Once red viscous blood appears in his sight, his shadow shall take over his persona. Mia, if you are listening, beware of Yun Shin's sudden change.