“Happy” Birthday

As the so called 'party' went on, everyone was dancing as the music was on top volume. Me? Well I was just sitting down enjoying my cake. My mom always said the birthdays are special days, but I never understood it. It's just a celebration of you getting older. I get maybe some younger kids will get excited over those things but not me. The only difference about this day was that we had cake.

Nothing else has changed. Everyone is dancing, everyone meaning my mom, my sister, and some of her friends. Everyone is having a great time. Everyone is all cheery and happy.

I should be excited about turning sixteen.

Right?

I mean, I get to start driving, I guess that's cool.

Honestly I'd rather have my mom drive. I don't trust myself in a car. Too many possibilities of getting into a car crash. Too many possibilities that lead to the hospital. Too many possibilities that can greet me with heaven or hell.

"Come on birdie! Dance with us!" Camil says. She sounds so excited, but right now I don't feel like dancing, I'm eating my cake, they are possibilities that it could fall and end up on the floor.

I nod. "I will, let me finish my cake first." I reply. I should've said that I would dance when I feel like it, but there are too many possibilities that she would end up upset. I don't want that, no one wants that.

My little sister nods as she goes back to dancing with some of my mom's friends. I see everyone smiling. It gives me a warm feeling in my stomach. I don't know if that's good or not, but it makes me feel a small hint of joy knowing that others are happy. I give a light smile to the vibes in the room.

I finish my cake and got up from my seat, I open the trash and dropped the paper plate and plastic utensils in the trash. I check the time. "Seven thirty." I sigh. I would say I have a decent sleep schedule, but sometimes it gets out of hand. One time I slept at four fifteen A.M and woke up at six. Honestly it scared me a bit.

I walk back to my seat, but before I could sit down, someone grabs my hand. "Nuh uh, your dancing. You finished your cake, and you said to Camil you would dance after you finished your cake." My mom's friend, Evelyn says. I sigh softly. Evelyn was one of my mom's best friends. They met at a bar in D.C. She came by one day to say hi and then here we are.

I sigh. I honestly didn't like dancing. This was mom's idea. My mom is the type of mom who will support you no matter what. If I'm gay, which I am, she'd support me, and she does. My mom got a divorce with her husband when I was five. To see her smile makes me happy for her. I nod, "One song, that's it." I reply. I should've said no, but there are too many possibilities that I could be hated in this situation, so it's best if I at least try to be nice.

I try not to sigh for what felt like the millionth time. The song that played was 'LoveFool' by The Cardigans. I would never admit it to my family, but I'm actually a big fan of this song. The meaning is kind of dumb, but the beat is nice. The instruments that they chose where amazing. The meaning of the song doesn't make sense. I start swaying my body back and forth to the music, smiling very lightly.

"Oooo~ look at Robin! Finally he decides to dance with everyone and not sit down." Mom said, laughing. I roll my eyes but smile softly. I can tell she was joking, at least I hoped so.

"Y'know what, maybe I'll sit back down." I joked. I wasn't really going to, I like messing with my mom. It's funny to see her reactions, other times I would get a whoop on the ass.

Mom gasped. "Sit back down and I'm taking back your present." My mom said, trying to hide her smile that was growing on her face. I could tell because she makes a face when she tries to hide smiles. I chuckle softly as I begin to feel the rhythm of the new song, 'Solider, Poet, King' by The Oh Hellos. Camil plays this song a lot. This song is also pretty nice.

Swaying turned into small jumps. Small jumps turned into organized moves. Organized moves turned into a whole dance. I smiled as I danced to the music. Kicking at some parts of the dance.

"Woohoo!" Camil cheered as she clapped. "You go birdie!" My smile grew bigger as I took over the so called dance floor. Everyone moved out of the way as I danced to the song. It was...nice. Maybe this birthday isn't that bad.

Once the song ended, I stopped dancing. My heart was a drum that was playing fast. My breathing was in need to be steady again. Everyone around me clapped. I smile and bow down. "Thank you, thank you very much." I laughed.

My mom looked impressed. Then again, I've never danced in front of anyone. Or in fact, I've never danced. The only hobby I do is art. "I didn't know Robin, my son, the person always cooped in his room, could dance! You really are my son!" She smiled as she engulfed me in a bear hug.

I try to gasp for air, struggling to breath. "M-mom, I-I can't breathe." I say, my voice drained. Mom let's go laughs, patting my back.

"Sorry kiddo, just..wow." She said again, laughing once more. Did she doubt that I was her son?

I sit back down, needing to catch my breath. I respect dancers. How can people dance for more than thirty minutes? One song and I'm out for the rest of the day. I look around the room, people are back to dancing. A small smile forms on my face.

Happy birthday to me.

I take off my beanie and get into bed. I pull the sheets over my body. I turn off my lamp on the side of my bed. I turn and face the other way as the dark welcomes me.

"Hey Felix! Over here!" A kid yells. I look over and run over to the kid, only to be pushed to the ground. The kid sticks his tongue out at me. I felt tears prick my eyes. I see them fall as I wipe them away.

One kid came up to me and frowned. "Are you ok?" They sounded..concerned. I have no control of my own body. I nod and wipe my tears. The kid hoisted me up from the ground. Then the scenery changes.

"Come on buckaroo! Let's practice for your next game!" Someone yelled. I catch a glimpse of their face. It's a man. Someone with brown hair and a short beard. I feel like I've seen him before. He's standing next to another man. One with red curly hair.

All of a sudden, I smile as I run up to the two males. It looks like there was a net. The male with the brown hair held a volleyball.

'Volleyball? I don't know how to play..'

"Alright, are you serving?" The one with red hair asked. I nod, the other two smile as they toss the ball over to me. I catch it and smile. The two men went to the other side of the net. I threw the ball in the air and hit it. I watched it go across the net.

Then the scenery changed.

The scenery was one that I've seen many times before, yet it still scares me sometimes.

CRASH

All I see is blurred scenes of blood, spinning, and more blood. I hear loud screams and screeches and police sirens. Then everything goes dark.

"Robin?" I hear a voice

"Robin? Are you ok sweetie?" The voice said, muffled.

"Robin!" The voice was clearer.

All of a sudden the scenery is..my room. I look around and see my mother. "Hm?" I sit up, running my eyes tiredly.

"I came in here to say goodnight, but you were twisting and turning a lot in your sleep and I got worried. I'm guessing you had another one of those dreams?" My mother said, looking very concerned. Her eyes were filled with worry.

I sigh and nod. "Yea, two different sceneries, the last one was still the same." I shake my head as placed a hand on my forehead. Even though this dream has been in my mind for the past couple of months, the last scenery still startled me. That's why I'd rather not drive.

"I'm sorry sweetie. I wish there was more I could do." My mom sighed softly, putting her hand on mine. I smile softly, trying to reassure her that I'm ok, because I am. The dream is kind of...annoying, but I'll manage. I just need to find out who Felix is, who those two men are? Who the boy was? Why was he playing volleyball? How did he get in the crash?

"It's ok mom, I'll be fine. There just dreams, nothing more." I said, even though I don't believe what I said. My mom smiled and ruffled my long, red hair.

"Alright kiddo, goodnight. Sleep well ok?" She replied, smiling. I nod as I lay back down in my bed. My mom closes the door and leaves me in the dark. I sigh softly as I check the time on my phone. The bright light blinded me for a split second. 11:32 pm. I sigh and place my phone back on the night stand. I lay in my bed facing the ceiling. I thought about the dream like I always do whenever I get them.

Maybe one day I can figure all of this out? Maybe one day I can finally end these dreams? Maybe one day I can do something. Something that I'll understand. Something that can make these dreams go away. I've been stuck with them for months and honestly it's getting old. The dream always ends up me being in a car crash. Is it my future? But it can't be, apparently I'm Felix in this dream. I still don't understand it. What does it mean?

What does all of this mean?

I yawn, still half asleep. I look around and sigh softly. I stretch my arms and stretched them upwards. I rub my eyes tiredly and got up from my bed. I look in the mirror and make a face. "Ew." Is all I say before making my way down the stairs.

I reached the last step to the bottom floor. My mom looked at me and smiles as she waves. "Morning kiddo, I'm making pancakes, how many do you want?" She asks, clearly thrilled. My mom wasn't really the best cook, one time she burned water.

I think for a bit before answering. "I'll have two please." I say, smiling softly. My mom nods as she took two pancakes from a stack and placed them on a plate. She hands the plate to me. I thank her as I sit down. I then realized that I forgot my fork and knife. So I get up and get that too. Then I sit down and enjoy breakfast.

In the back, we have my little sister and Evelyn dancing to music. The usual thing. It's normal in this household. In the kitchen, my mother is actually cooking? That's...kind of normal? Not really but I'm not complaining. Right here, we have me. Doing nothing really special.

Once I finish my plate, I rinse it and placed it in the dishwasher. If I didn't do that my mom would probably get mad and hit me with the rag. Of course I respect my mom's wishes and behave and do chores and do what kids do. Respect their parents. At least that's what I do. Some kids disrespect the parents and I think that's pretty messed up. Though if your parents are assholes yea ok go ahead.

I go near Evelyn and my sister. I sit down on the couch and watch them dance. "Hey Robin, come dance with us?" Evelyn invited. I shook my head. It's too early to dance, I'm tired and I just ate.

"I only dance on special occasions." I replied, smiling softly. I also just don't feel like dancing. It's too early. "Plus I just ate so.." I added on. Evelyn shrugged and continued dancing with Camil. Camil was smiling brightly. I can tell she was very thrilled. Camil loved Evelyn. She called Evelyn her dance buddy, now I see why.

My mind starts to wonder about the dream last night. I sigh as I just let it happen. The concept of these dreams are two of them are always different, but the third one is always the same. I've had ones where he was lost in a mall. One where he was at the hospital. I think he broke his leg or something? I've had another one in the hospital but it felt different. It felt like as if he never woke up. I didn't like it. All of a sudden my imagination was disturbed.

"Birdie, come dance!" Camil said. I look up and sigh. I shake my head, not really in the mood.

"Sorry bub, not in the mood right now." I sigh and ruffle her brown locks. She nods and goes back to dancing. I'm glad that she's understanding sometimes. Sometimes she would cry. Sometimes she would throw a tantrum. Sometimes she would smiled and nod. I like it when she smiles and nods. It makes things much easier.

But, enough of that. I need to figure out who Felix is, who those two men are, who that boy is, and why I keep getting into this car crash. I need to piece these things together. The puzzle that doesn't have all the pieces. I need time, but I also need answers. Maybe this time I'll do something. Maybe this time I'll figure it out. Maybe this time my mom won't have to worry anymore. Maybe this time I can get my life together. Hopefully I get to finally find out what all of this means. The car crash, the boy, the two males, Felix, why I get dreams about volleyball?

Maybe all of this can be answered..

And I'll figure it out.

And I'll figure it out on my own.