Chapter 7: Chains

What's my dream?

That question caught me off-guard. Because, I never really knew the answer to that. I didn't even expect that someone would ask me that.

Our lunch was put on the table. Still, I am unable to answer that certain question.

I mean, how could I answer the same question I always asked myself?

"I..." I looked down at our food.

"I-I don't know yet," I say with all honesty and slowly raised my head only to see meet his attentive eyes.

"But, I want something different." I stared at him with the same ferocity he's giving. "Different from the path my family choose."

Kale just nodded. We started eating when no one dared to speak after what I said.

Sometimes, I notice that his staring at my face for too long. I choose to ignore it and give all my attention to the street and my food.

He must think I'm such an idiot. I mean, it's my last year in high school and yet, I still don't know what I want to do.

He spoke all of a sudden, "My dream..." I finally looked at him. "I want to explore this city or any city I can think of. And maybe...

"Maybe I would be able to see the thing that I'm searching my whole life." his eyes were like shining.

It's like telling me something. I don't know...

"What is it?" I asked.

"The brightest star in the universe," he smiled.

I'm envious. I want that for myself too, I want to know what I really want. I hope I also know what I am looking for.

"That's nice," I smiled weakly, feeling a slight pang in my chest because of the jealousy I'm feeling.

I know it's not nice to be jealous but I can't help it. He has something that I don't have. He found something that I am still searching.

"Your dream is nice too."

"Really?" my voice broke a little.

"Yeah. I'm sure you will be able to figure what you really want." he gave me an assuring look. "Sooner or later. Don't rush. Don't pressure yourself. Just enjoy the moment, it'll come to you one day."

His words gave me comfort. I never knew that a stranger can make me feel this way. Just enjoy the moment.

How can I enjoy the moment when there are thousands of thought and things going in my head?

"How?" I unconsciously asked.

His spoon stopped mid-air because of my question. Confusion is very evident on his face. I can even see a big question mark on it. That's exaggeration.

"How can I enjoy the moment?"

He took a sip on his drink without breaking our eye contact.

"Just forget things. Forget everything and get lost in the moment."

My lips parted with what he just said.

"Forget the possible consequences, forget the rules, ignore the what-ifs, take a break from the thoughts that's clouding your pretty head," he said seriously.

He laughs for a moment, "You know, I got this motto in my life," he then looked at me. "Never mind the future, I can live now."

It's a lot to take in. How am I supposed to do that? When all my life, I have been doing the exact opposite of what he mentioned? It's in my nature.

I looked down, "It's hard. The exact opposite of those are the things I always do. It's my nature, " my voice broke while saying the last sentence. Ashamed of it.

"Hey... Look at me."

Like a dog, I did what he said. Slowly, I lift my head up.

He put both his elbow on top of the table and then place his chin on the back of his palm. His eyes were directed to mine. He stared at me regardless of the glasses that serves as the barrier of the window that hides all my emotions and the truth about me.

With the way he stares at me, it seems like he is slowly breaking the very wall, the barrier, or however you want to call it. He's breaking the thing that hides my emotions, my feelings, my being.

"In my opinion, it's not your nature," he said, seriousness is etched on his face. "It's your chain. It's stopping you..."

What he said haunted for the whole day. I don't even remember how we got back at school on time. Not a single thing enter my mind the whole afternoon period.

My chains?

I didn't notice that I am already at home. I even forget to greet Pops, well, he's not even in the balcony.

I was in dazed inside my room. My eyes were fixed on the floor of my room while I'm siting at the edge of my bed, combing my wet hair.

I got back from my reverie when I heard Nana Linda's voice— she's the one who take care of me and my siblings whenever my parents are not around.

"Nali, dinner's ready. Your grandfather is waiting for you downstairs."

"Yes, Nana. I'll go down," I shouted, so she could hear it.

I changed my clothes before I go down. Right now, I'm wearing an ash gray pajama, along with its shirt with the same color.

"Good evening Pops," I kiss him on his cheek.

I sat down parallel to his seat because we are the only one here today. My sister's out of the city as always. My brother, Mama and Papa were probably at work.

I started eating though the conversation between me and Kale can't get off my mind. It's draining my mind. Gosh.

The taste of the pork dish tonight, I can't even appreciate it because of the thoughts running on my mind.

I bet Pops notice that I was slowly drowning in my own thoughts.

"What's the problem, Nali?" he asked, a little worried.

"Pops..." I don't know how to put it in words.

"Do you think someone's personality can chain them down?"

"What do you mean, hija?"

"Do you think someone's trait and characteristics can hold them back from doing things?"

He was caught off-guard.

"Never mind Pop—" my words got cut off.

"In my opinion, it can be yes and no." my forehead creased. "Yes, let's say that the person got trust issues, it can be they are a coward or just lazy. In their case, their personality will stop them to try things, to explore and to get out of their comfort zones." he meaningfully said.

"No, because in other people's case, their personality can be the trigger that will lead them to try..."

Pops look right into my eyes, "In your case, Nali..." I was shocked. "Your personality can be your chain and your trigger..."

What? Confusion is written all over my face, "What do you mean, Pops?"

"I mean. You've got multiple personalities." he starts off. "You're an over-thinker and you've got the determination to take something different."

Is it obvious? Does he see through me? Do I always look like I'm drowning in my own little world in my mind? Pops... He really pays attention to me huh?

"Your habit of over thinking things, that'a chaining you down. Your determination and your unknown dream, that will be your trigger, Poppet." he smiled to me.

He's taking this seriously. It's been a long time since he calls me by that nickname.

He's not even finish.

"Right now, your chain is bigger than your trigger," Pops muttered with matching hand gestures. "So, take the risk, Nali."

"Hold on to that dream you want to achieve... Don't be afraid... Try to break free from your chains, even if it's hard, no matter how long it take. Baby steps, hija."

After that conversation, I decided.

I decided to take the risk... I decided to take the first step that will alter my life onward.

I took my phone check my contacts only to see Kale's number there. Right! He put it there when he borrowed my phone, we're at the front gate that time. I forgot about that part.

I press it. I type my message.

Me:

Kale, this is Nali. Help me.

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