Chapter 16: Real

"Really?" he asked. "Well, the feeling is mutual," my heart skipped a beat when I heard those words. It's music to my ears.

"I mean, I like you, I like being with you, you're a good friend." he gave me a hearty smile.

Oh. Right. I am a friend.

"T-that's not what I meant..." my little voice came out a little bit shaky while playing with my fingers.

"I like you... As a man, not as a friend," my heart is pounding too much, it might explode any minute.

I looked up at him and now I kinda regret doing it. Shock and anxiousness is etched on his gentle and soft face.

His adam's apple moved, a sign that he swallowed hard.

"W-Why? I mean, that's not possible," Kale said when he got over from the shock.

"How can you know that it's impossible? Did someone tell you that?"I don't know what got into me, my mouth is acting on its own.

"That's not my point... How are you sure that you like me? Do you understand the concept of liking someone? Do you even know?" he stepped backward.

His words were like dagger to my heart. Am I too young that he think that way? Is that how he sees me? A naive little girl? A girl who doesn't have any clue about things and her future but constantly thinking 'bout it?

Kale completely turn his back on me and sit on the nearest bench. I followed him.

"Do you really think I'm that naive? Did you just conclude that I just decided to " Right, I like him," is that what you think? " the hot tears— I can feel them in the corner or my eyes.

Don't you dare cry in front of him, Nali.

"It's not that..." he averted his gaze. "I mean, do you understand what you are feeling right now?"

"No, I don't understand a single thing about this shit," immediately, I wipe the tears before it could even fall.

"Just because I don't understand this, it doesn't mean it's not real, right?" my voice broke.

Even though we don't understand a thing, it does not mean that it isn't real. There are various things in the universe that were never meant to be understood.

And I believe that someone's feelings and emotions doesn't need a complete understanding for it to be real.

That's just it. Feelings are feelings. Emotions are emotions.

"I'm sorry but... I'm already in love," he softly said and give off an apologetic smile.

"Oh..." I don't know what else to say. My heart is aching, my mind is not functioning, I can't construct any words to say.

First crush, first confession, first heart break. What a way to go, Nali.

Your first three experience, Kale is the reason behind those.

"T-that's cool... I didn't ask for you to like me back," I force myself to smile, my vision is also getting blurry because of the tears that wants to fall.

"I'm just saying what I feel. I'm just taking the risk, so no regrets," my voice break with the last word.

No regrets... I told myself.

"You don't have to do anything, you don't even have to say anything, you don't have to feel sorry too. It's my feelings, I'll deal with it," I push myself to give off a laugh and making my voice livelier.

Just like how there are things that were never meant to understand, maybe there are also things that are never meant for us.

Feeling that are never meant to be requited. The unrequited love.

I turn away my gaze from him. After standing up, I go towards the railings. "Y-You will still help me, right?" I asked.

"Do you still want my help?" his tone is too careful, I feel like I'm some fragile thing that he don't want to break.

I nodded.

"Then good, let's set aside that feelings first. Okay?" he look at me with those hopeful eyes.

"Of course, it's not even a big deal," I smiled.

Is it? Really, Nali?

"Hey, Nali! Come on. I thought you rum fast?" Kale shouted.

"Wait, I'm running out of breath here,dude,"I shouted back, still trying to catch some air.

We're at the beach today and it's Saturday. The jerk wants to play and now I'm chasing him like I'm some kind of dog.

The confrontation at the hospital's rooftop, one month had already passed after that. Many things happened, there were also some changes, but my heart... It became worse than before.

Because every moment I am with him, my feelings is getting bigger, fiercer, tougher... My system is going haywire whenever he's near.

I never told him about him, one rejection is enough. I can't deal with another one right now.

Within the one month that passed, we manage to explore different places, this time, the "explore" thing is real.

Kale would always leave me alone for minutes to have time with myself.

That method is effective up until now, I felt peace whenever he does that. It helped me a lot.

I also wrote many stuffs on the notebook that he gave me. And the part that's like a bucket list, most of the thing written there, I already did and most of the time I'm with Kale.

"Faster, Nali! You run like a turtle!" I heard his heart melting laugh.

We go to a carnival. We won a game. We ride the extreme rides. It's an amazing experience. I was able to enjoy such rides without thinking about the possible conflict.

"If you catch me, I will treat you every ice cream flavor you like!" I saw his genuine smile.

We cut class just to escape a boring subject. Then, we go to the ice cream shop with the mixture of modern and vintage style that I really like. We bought one for each. He wipe the dessert on my face,even on my uniform. I did the same. Nevermind the sticky feeling and the dirty clothes. I was lost in the moment. I felt nothing but contentment and happiness.

"One month supply," his dreamy brown eyes...

One night, I sneak out with Pop's help just to have a midnight stroll with Kale. They talk for a while before we go out. We're riding his motorcycle. The air was fresh, the buildings were amazing. We reach Langley Peak. The view was spectacular! I was too overwhelmed with the breathtaking view. My smile is too wide it can the sky.

"Thank you..." I looked at him, he's looking at the star— searching for the brightest one, I guess. "Thank you for making me experience life, thank you for changing me. Thank you for this wonderful view," I smiled genuinely.

He looked right into my eyes, "No. Thank you..."

All those once in a lifetime experience, every trouble, every mess, all of it is worth it. Every moment with him is never a waste of time. Every moment with him were moments filled with joy, laughter, contentment and peace.

Now, I no longer feel pain whenever I see him. I'm just glad that he's here. He's near me. He is with me. Kale stayed beside me.

"Oh come on, Inara! If you keep up with my speed, even your lunch— my treat," he said, hair getting messy because of the wind.

"Make sure you are not all talk!" I shouted and start running like I've never run before.

I chase him. I took the path that will lead me to him.

It is indeed real. My feelings are real. I really like this one hell of a complicated guy.

Kale Arche Lucine, what sorcery did you do to me?

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