Chapter 20: Shell-shock

I don't like pits for a few good reasons, people train them to be dangerous and I did get chased by two before, like I said, I don't wanna hear shit from y'all unless you've been hunted before. Shit, being smart is scary, knowing what could possibly happen or not, all the time, that shit happens all the time, I hate it, whenever I talk to a good looking jawn, or when some nigga troubling me, I think before I do, but it isn't all that bad, it makes me a good problem solver, I can outsmart these dumbass niggas that don't know shit. I usually overthink shit, even small stuff, I don't need to be doing that, I got bigger problems to deal with, like this book. When I know what's gonna go down, the fear creeps up on you, getting stronger as you go. These fears change as you get older, like Kendrick Lamar describes it, from 7, 17, and 27, at 7 years old, you had fears of getting your ass whooped, in a serious family, that is what kept you in check. At age 17, the fear of consequence plagues me, in my neighborhood, consequences are deadly, especially if you're with the wrong crowd, niggas will think you're a bitch for thinking like that, but wait til you see that nigga on the news. Being 17 and smart, I look to the future about what happens if I don't make it in life, this fear is the scariest, I need to be able to support myself, so I need schooling, I need the grades to be able to get a good job, if I can't I'm enlisting in the military, the last resort plan. To move to the real trenches and see or do things you thought you wouldn't see or do, a nightmare, best part of it all, this is no nightmare, you're not waking up when you die, you're going into the unknown, I don't know about y'all, but that was a chilling thing to discuss, but I wouldn't be from the trenches without a little fear.