Chapter 3: the mediocre days and pessimistic nights

Today, me and Tyrone hopped on Rocket League, it's a pretty fun game if you know what you're doing. When I'm on by myself, I usual run the one on one matches, I tell you, the sport of European football has hype for a reason. Even though this game is fun, it's sweaty, the wins are built off of mistakes, if you make too many, your opponent can take advantage, and vice versa. Anyway, me and Tyrone played 2 vs 2 matches. Our first game, I was ready, but Tyrone was selling a lil, I was a lil disappointed, until our opponents started being toxic, I hate losing to toxic players, the smug look that you imagine they have. We lost that match, but they wanted a rematch, so we gave it to them because I don't back down. We got on the field and we were vicious, they didn't expect us to be that good, and, of course, I had to rub in their salty ass faces. We won 6 to 1 and the dumb fucks had the nerve to report us, we're that good, and we sent them packing because they did not want a rematch after that, they were lucky to even score to be honest. I like putting people in their place, they think their bosses, then here I come to show them they're nothing more than pawns, don't get me wrong, I'm not a sore loser, I know when someone is better than me and I always play them again, only way to get better, but big shots like that, throw em in the dirt, I don't care what game we're playing, no mercy for fools.

Later that day

It's midnight, nothing to do and I can't sleep, good time to overthink stuff that happened in the past, the thing is they never truly go away, they won't leave me alone and I don't tell anyone about them because they don't understand. I don't know why I have these thoughts, but they keep saying I'm not good enough, "Maybe you won't make it out of high school", "you're not strong enough, you're not fast enough, you won't make it out", "even if you do manage to get this, you'll fuck it up for us". Everyday I strive to be better than I was before, but I don't know where to start, it's all confusing, even when I reach out, I get bullshit. Even if I do manage to make it in life, who can I celebrate with, my friends aren't always here and I don't talk to anyone else, and honestly I don't know if I'll ever find anyone else that can form a bond stronger than the one I have with my family with me. What if I fall before I even get the chance, was there people that actually loved me, where will I go? The things I went through haunt me each night, I sit alone and try to reassure myself, but no matter what, they never show up when my friends are around.