Divergence

The first week of school is finally over, and I think it's probably best if Micah and I have at least a little bit of separation in our lives. I just don't know how to approach him with the idea. Maybe I can convince him to join a club or something, since dad wants me to choose a sport. God I haven't even put any thought into that. What even are my choices? Cross country? Nope! Who wants to just run in the woods? Freaks that's who! Volleyball? Not possible. I already finished growing at a cool five foot five inches. Not exactly towering. Don't really feel like doing swimming or diving. That leaves... Crew team? Not sure that that is, the flier just says the mass meeting is Today. Whatever, it'll probably keep my dad off my back. Now to find something for Micah... The Arbor Players? Theater would suit him I think. Or maybe poetry club? I don't know if he's into poetry, but he is always writing in that journal. I don't know, maybe My best bet is to just gently float the idea of joining a club to him. Mom says people always react better if they think something is their idea. I don't want Micah to think I'm pushing him into anything. No more time to think though, the bus is here, which means I'll be running into Micah in a minute or two.

He looks better today. I guess a week of school has gotten rid of all the jitters. I take a deep breath to compose myself. I don't know how he'll take the news of me joining a sport. He sits down gently, his eyes shining with that usual gleam of his. Oh god please don't be mad at me for this Micah. "Um... So Micah..." He turns to look me directly in the eye. The now familiar feeling in my chest is back. This is exactly what I was afraid of! I can't back down now. "I'm probably... Not going to be coming home with you today." God I'm so tense I feel like my shoulders are up in my ears. I steal a glance at Micah, just to check how he's taking it. Crap... He's got those sad puppy eyes right now. "Don't worry everything is fine! My dad just wants me to try and do a sport. He thinks it'll be good for me. I thought I'd go check out the crew team." He slides down into the bench bus seat. "Oh... Okay. That's fine." "I'm sorry Micah. It's not my idea, my dad just thinks it would be good for me." Half true, but the half that's a lie is eating a pit in my stomach. Have I ever lied to Micah before? "Look, we still have lunch, and I'll still walk you to the bus." I put my arm around his shoulder, hoping to comfort him a little. "Just because I'm off doing whatever it is the crew team does doesn't mean we aren't going to hang out. This might be a good time for you to look into a club or something!" I fish the club sheet out of my pocket. "I know you're not into sports but they've got like theater and a writing club!" Micah leans into my shoulder a little, and I can feel my pulse quicken. "Yeah... Whatever you say Amélie." Micah doesn't say anything else to me during the bus ride. There's just tense silence coming from his side of the bus seat. The sight of the school is relief, but Micah doesn't say a word to me as he leaves the bus.

That... Was not how I hoped that conversation would go. Why did I say it wasn't my idea? I don't think I've ever lied to Micah, not once since I've met him. My stomach is in knots, how long is he going to be upset with me? Whatever! I gotta shake this feeing, get focused on school. Micah will always be around. I mean where else would he be? We're best friends, he's not just going to disappear on me. I head into the school and make my way to my locker. I start loading up my texts books, cycling out the stuff I don't need for now. "Oh Amélie!" Oh god I know that nasally voice anywhere. I turn around and my vision is full of Tara Bolton's stupid rich girl face. "What do you want Tara? Thought you guys got tired of bothering me last year." She gasps and puts her hand on her chest in feigned shock. "Me? Messing with you? Oh Amélie that was friendship! We were hanging out! Come on don't tell me you're holding a grudge!" I laugh with as little sincerity as possible. The absolute fakest laugh in my arsenal . "Who me? A grudge? No! You only threw my entire art portfolio in the retention pond! Who could hold a grudge for that!" She places her hand gently on my shoulder. God what is her problem! I can feel my whole face burning. "Screw you Tara" I spit, as I slap her arm away from me. "Just leave me alone. It's a big school, find someone else's life to ruin." She smiles wide, her teeth gleaming white. "Don't be like that Amélie. I'm looking for a fresh start! Perfect for our freshman year, right? You and me, new friends!" She pushes her hair back behind her left ear, and extends her hand toward me. "Truce, Amélie?" I turn away and zip up my backpack. "Whatever Tara. Do what you want. Just don't fucking bother me." I take one last look at her. God, is she serious right now? "I have to get to class. Go bother some other kid." I start walking toward my class. What is her problem! She spent all of middle school torturing me and now she wants to be all buddy buddy with me. It smells fishy, and I do not need another problem with this whole Angry Micah situation.

French and Drawing pass by uneventfully. Mademoiselle DuPont has us practice reading French sentences with our new vocabulary, and Mr Merritt has us drawing a still life for the next few classes. I'm not really focused, if I'm being honest. Even when she's apparently trying to be nice Tara gets under my skin. I've never known how to deal with her, or her little gaggle of rich girls. I don't know why, but she thinks she's the center of the universe wherever she goes. I hate that about her. I'm not going to let her sweep me up into whatever little game she's playing. High school is a new start! At least that's what I keep telling myself. Not sure if I believe that now that she's shown back up. "Alright everyone, pencils away, that's all the time we have left for class. Keep working on the things we've talked about so far, remember to do your exercises! We will pick these still lifes back up next class." I wave goodbye to Mr. Merritt, and head out the door. Just have to make it to lunch. Keep focused on the big issues Amélie.

Finally lunch time hits. I pack my stuff up as fast as possible and head to the spot Micah and I always eat. He'll be there. This morning was just a little bump in the road, he'll understand. I'm not like... Avoiding him really? I just want something of my own. Yeah he'll get it I just have to explain myself better. I found the corner to the orchestra hallway and Micah is nowhere to be seen. Shit... I hadn't really considered this was a possibility. I mean, of course he would be here! He's my best friend! I'm his best friend! Right? Fuck I don't... Did I make a mistake? I feel my knees buckle under me, and I lean against the wall for support. My body slides down to the floor. No, it's fine, it's just a misunderstanding right? I'm trying to convince myself but I can already feel tears welling in the corners of my eyes. I feel so stupid.

"Amélie? Is that you?" Oh god just what I need. "Tara, what the hell are you doing here? Did you follow me here? Wanna make fun of the crying girl?" She slowly sits down next to me. "Amélie I know you don't believe me but I'm trying to turn over a new leaf." She sighs heavily. "I know I've been pretty horrible to you, but I don't... I don't want to be like that any more. So like... Even if you don't believe me, I promise, I just want to start over." She gently places her hand on top of mine. It feels like a lightning bolt up my spine. "So... Tell me what's wrong. I'm not used to seeing you crying. I don't think even when I was... How I was I didn't ever make you cry like this." I wipe my eyes clean. I don't think I'm crying any more just, I don't know, ready now. Tara and I make eye contact and, I don't know, she looks different than I remember. Normal? Kinder? Fuck maybe she means it. Maybe she does want to fix things. It probably wouldn't hurt to talk to her about this? "I was supposed to eat lunch with my friend Micah, but I think he's mad at me." "Why? Just cuz he's not here? Seems like a little bit of an overreaction." I shake my head. "No I like... I don't know... We only spend time around each other and like... I decided to join a sport and when I told him I wouldn't ride the bus home with him today he seemed so down about it." The tears are coming back, I can already feel my breathing getting weird again. "And I figured I could talk to him about it right now! But he's not here and I don't want him to stop being my friend over this!" The crying is back full force. I can feel it all through my body. Suddenly I feel Tara's arm around my shoulder. What is she...? "It's okay Amélie. It's okay, I understand." She sounds sad? I don't know why she's doing this, why she's being so kind to me, but right now I'll take it. "Look I'm sure Micah isn't going to stop being your friend. He probably just feels a little left behind. Do you have any classes with him?" I nod, my face still a little buried in her shoulder. She smells like lilac. Is that weird of me to notice? "Ok so... You'll see him at least? Just talk to him before he heads home. If you're good enough friends to cry like this over possibly losing him then I think he'll understand if you talk to him." I pull my face out of her shoulder and look up at her. She gives me a big smile, and I feel... Reassured I guess? It's a bit weird having my middle school bully comfort me while I'm crying. "You can get this figured out Amélie. I mean you dealt with me all through middle school. Just... Talk to him, you know? While you have the chance." All I can do is nod, I'm pretty sure I'll start crying again if I try to talk. She and I sit there quietly after that, eating our lunches. It's a bizarre feeling, I have no idea why Tara is insisting on being my friend but... I don't dislike it.

We head in opposite directions when the bell rings, but before we go Tara gives me a thumbs up. She doesn't say anything but I know she's trying to encourage me. She has more faith in me than I do, I guess. Fourth and fifth hour pass by in a blur, I'm too anxious about talking to Micah to focus. I'm on high alert as I head toward biology class. This is the most aware of my surroundings I've been all day, searching for Micah as I push through the halls. I don't see him before I reach the class. He'll show up. He's not going to start skipping class just because he's mad at me. Sure enough he walks through the door as the final bell rings. His eyes look all puffy, has he been crying too? God I hope not. I hate the idea of making him cry. I give him a small wave as he walks past me, but he doesn't really respond. Okay, that's fair, guess I'll just have to be direct with him after class.

Mrs Diaz is in high spirits today, which is impressive since all we are learning is taxonomy. I'm probably not the only one paying no attention to the lecture. My eyes are on Micah. He hasn't looked at me once since he came in this room, not once! Usually we'd exchange glances, roll our eyes at one of Mrs Diaz's bad jokes, but he's not giving me any sort of attention. Before I realize the time the final bell rings, I've spent the whole lecture with my eyes glued to my best friend. He hurried out the door before I can even pack my stuff up. I shove my book inside and zip up my bag. I have to catch him before he gets on the bus. I'm not gonna let today end like this between us. "Micah! Jesus Christ dude wait up! Please I just wanna talk to you!" He looks back at me, his eyes watery with barely restrained tears. "Just go to your stupid meeting Amélie! Leave me alone!" Oh yeah, like I'm going to do that. God he's quick though, I don't think I've ever seen him run like this. I round the corner of the last flight of stairs just a little bit behind him. "Micah come on just talk to me!" Dammit he's gonna reach the bus before I can apologize to him. He's about to step up into the bud when I catch up to him. "Micah! Please... Just listen to me. I'm sorry I sprung the thing about the crew team on you like this. You're my best friend and I should have told you about the plan sooner than this." Mr Davis, the bus driver is glaring at me impatiently. "Micah promise me we can talk about this when I get home. I'll come over to your house and talk about it. Please promise me." I hold out my pinky to him. It's a solemn vow, a pinkie promise. A little childish, sure, but they've always worked for us. "Fine Amélie. Just... Come over after you get home. I don't... I don't want to be angry at you any more." Mr Davis closes the door behind him, and a few seconds later drives away.

I sigh to myself as I start heading toward the room listed on my flier. Crew team... I don't have any idea what that could be. It's not something they offered in middle school, and the meeting is in one of the old gym facilities, the ones in the basement under the main gym. Gross, it always smells weird over there. Finally I find the room, tucked away in the dingiest, darkest corner of the basement. These guys really got screwed with this meeting location. They couldn't have gotten a classroom? Whatever. Let's get this over with. I open the door, and head in.