1. Ending Pages

"Umph... Cold..."

Ethan sat in a corner, hands tightly gripping the can of hot coffee in his hands, uncomfortably watching the quivering stranger snuggle himself deeper into the blanket. His eyes were closed but nowhere near restful, eyebrows scrunched together and body shivering uncontrollably. Ethan wished he could do more to help the stranger but he only had one blanket and a bonfire to keep him warm.

He had been walking back from his usual spot by the cafe that night, guitar case perched on his back as he huffed from the chilly November air. Even with all the bright red Christmas decorations, the city was unusually glum and quiet. It was when he turned that corner that a flickering street light caught his attention, almost as if beckoning him over. He didn't pay much attention at first and resumed his stride, but something told him to stop and look again.

And there he was. An unconscious man dressed in all black, sprawled out on the white snow just under that lone street light.

He ran over as fast as he could, getting onto his knees and turning the man over, checking to see if he was still breathing. He let out a sigh of relief. He's alive, but barely.

He was young; just around Ethan's own age, frail and clearly not very good with the cold. He looked like he hadn't eaten in days and his skin was as pale as the snow he had found him in, blonde locks of hair messily covering his face. He knew he couldn't do much to help the man but he couldn't leave him there to die, either. So he had carried him on his shoulder to the abandoned shelter where he lived.

The coffee was quickly going cold in his hands and he put it aside, slowly approaching the stranger.

"So... So cold..." The blonde stranger shivered, voice feeble as it left his chapped lips.

Ethan took one of the cans of soup he had stashed and warmed it in the fire. He then helped the man sit up with his back resting against the wall, still clinging on to the blanket for dear life.

Ethan softly placed his palm on the stranger's cheek. He was as cold as ice. Grabbing the hot can of soup, he opened it and began to feed him, softly nudging his lips apart with the spoon. The man's throat bobbed up and down as he swallowed the warm liquid.

Brown eyes fluttered open and took in unfamiliar surroundings. Tattered walls, broken tiles and lights hanging from the ceiling. The floor was dingy and dirty and a soft glow flooded the room through shattered windows. The place seemed to be abandoned. He found himself wrapped in a navy blue blanket and there was a bonfire next to him.

What happened last night? All he remembered was passing out in the middle of an empty street and thinking he was definitely done for.

Confused eyes scanned his surroundings and that was when he saw a young man sitting in the corner, seemingly asleep, curled up into a ball as he tried to give himself as much warmth as he possibly could. He had his golden brown locks covered underneath a black beanie and was dressed in a worn out beige jacket and pair of boots. This man... Did he save me last night? He wondered. He definitely felt a lot better than he did yesterday and his throat didn't feel as dry and scratchy anymore. He could only assume that man had helped him.

He stared down at the blanket around him and then at the shivering man. Standing up, he walked over and crouched down in front of him, draping it over him carefully. Suddenly, the man opened his eyes with a surprised gasp, rendering him frozen in his spot.

"Hi," Liam found himself saying after a few moments of just staring at each other.

"H-Hey," The brunette muttered, clearing his throat as he adjusted to the light around him. His voice was low and thick with sleep as he sat up, "How are you feeling?"

"I feel... a lot better. Thanks to you, I'm assuming?"

The man shrugged, "I-uh… I did what I could."

Liam sighed. He couldn't really tell whether he should be disappointed or relieved. At some point he had wished he could just pass out and freeze to death in the snow. He probably would have if it weren't for the stranger. What was the point in staying alive anyway? He had nothing. No family. No home. Not even so much as a penny in his pocket.

"Why..." he muttered, staring at the floor, "Why didn't you just leave me behind?"

The brunette frowned, taken off guard with the question, "Did you... want me to just leave you there? You could have-"

"Died? Yeah, I'm aware." He flopped down on the ground, sighing again. "Maybe that would have been better."

Lost in his own thoughts, he didn't realize that the stranger was staring at him blankly. Wait... Why am I saying this to him? This man literally just saved my life! Instead of showing him some gratitude, here I am throwing myself a pity party.

He sighed, "Look, I'm sorry... I really appreciate you saving my life. Thank you. I mean it."

The man just shrugged but didn't say anything. He probably felt extremely uncomfortable. After a long, awkward pause, Liam decided to try and break the ice a little.

"So... what's your name?"

"Ethan," he answered, his voice soft and smooth. Almost therapeutic.

"I'm Liam... Nice to meet you," The blonde said, stretching his arm out for a handshake. Ethan blinked down at his hand for a few seconds before taking it in his own and shaking it.

"Liam..." The name rolled off his tongue as he looked up at him. He was dressed in an expensive-looking black overcoat with a wool scarf wrapped around his neck. "Where do you live, Liam?"

The blonde went quiet at the question and his eyes went distant. Ethan frowned, hesitating before asking the next question.

"Do you... have a home to go back to?"

Liam shook his head, staring at the ground, "No. I've been on the streets for a few days now."

"Oh..." Ethan pressed his lips together, not sure what to say anymore. He definitely knew what the other felt like, he'd been there himself after all, and it wasn't easy. The two went quiet for a while as Ethan pondered over offering him some help.

"Um... You can stay here if you like... If you have no where else to go."

The blonde looked around the old, abandoned building. It wasn't exactly the Hilton, but it was shelter. And it wasn't like he had the luxury of options... Sure beats being alone outside in the cold... Plus it's warmer here, and there's a fire. But why would he let me stay with him? He thought to himself.

"Here...?"

"Yeah... You can stay and leave whenever you like. I don't mind," Ethan replied, shrugging and scratching the back of his head.

Liam pondered over it for a while. Did he really even want to stay? But then again, did he want to go? Obviously he had nowhere to go anyway. It wasn't like he had anything resembling a life anymore. Did it even matter where he went?

Ethan sighed, seeing that Liam was taking a long time to answer. Clearly he had a lot of things on his mind and he didn't want to pressure him too much. "Look, you can think about it. Just make sure you get some more rest," he said as he stood up. "I have to go now. But I'll be back by sunset with food... hopefully. If you get hungry, there's canned soup. I know I don't have much but... whatever I have is yours."

"Wait... Where are you going?"

Ethan grabbed his guitar case, "The cafe."

"Oh... Do you play that guitar at the cafe?"

"More like by it," he clarified, "Somehow... music makes people more generous."

Liam honestly didn't want to be left alone. Having someone to talk to dulled all the negative thoughts in his head, even if it was just for a little while. "Can I... come with you?"

Ethan blinked, "I really think you should get some more rest. It's too cold outside and you were really sick last night."

"Okay," Liam said timidly.

Ethan hesitated before leaving, "You'll be fine on your own?"

"I'll be alright."

"I won't be too long."

Liam simply nodded and watched the man leave the building.

As promised, Ethan came back that evening with food. It was stupid, but he felt somewhat giddy at the thought of someone waiting for him when he got back to the shelter. Mostly because he'd just been alone for so long, it just felt different and refreshing. Not that he'd ever confess that out loud anyway. He was relieved when he saw that the blonde was still there at the abandoned building, sitting on the mattress and listening to music on his old radio. Once he walked into the building, the man turned his attention to Ethan and smiled brightly at him. His smile almost made Ethan jump back in surprise. Well I certainly didn't expect that, he thought to himself.

"Hey," Liam greeted, "You're back."

"H-Hi," Ethan greeted back, placing his guitar case down on the floor, "You seem to be feeling better."

"Yeah," Liam nodded, "It's a lot warmer in here. I borrowed your radio for a while, if you don't mind."

"Not at all. As I said before, whatever's mine is yours," Ethan said with a soft smile, before gesturing to the white plastic bag in his hand, "Here, I got sandwiches. Have it while it's warm," Ethan said, sitting down next to Liam on the old, tattered mattress in front of the bonfire.

"Wow, thanks," Liam said, gratefully taking the sandwich. He didn't even realize how hungry he was. It smelled absolutely delicious, especially since he hadn't eaten in days. He took a big, hearty bite out of it and moaned at the taste, "Mmm... so good..."

Ethan simply smiled as he took a modest bite out of his own sandwich.

"Hey, Ethan. Can I ask you a question?" Liam asked after a few minutes of them just eating, tilting his head to the side curiously.

"Sure."

"Why are you really letting me stay here?"

Why am I letting him stay? There were two reasons at the top of Ethan's head, but he only found it necessary to say one.

"Because," Ethan leaned back against the wall, a soft yet sad smile on his face, "I know what it feels like to have nothing."

Liam stared at the brown-haired man for a minute, taking in the distant look in his eyes that seemed a lot like his own. If it weren't already obvious through where he lived, he could tell by that look that Ethan had been through a lot of pain. It was almost like he knew exactly how Liam was feeling. The shock, the sadness, the loneliness... it was all there in his eyes, except those emotions had long waxed and waned for Ethan. Liam wished the other would tell him his story someday, but he sure wasn't going to ask him then. It just didn't feel right. The two ate in silence after that, just staring at the fire, not knowing what to say anymore.

"So... Can you sing?" Liam asked suddenly, trying to change the mood a little.

"Yeah..." Ethan answered, chuckling, "I try, anyway."

"Can you sing something right now?"

Ethan looked at the other man, who had an almost pleading look in his face. Ah what the hell? He looks like he needs some cheering up, he thought. "Um... You really wanna hear?"

"Yes, please. If you don't mind."

"No... I don't," Ethan said as he opened his guitar case and pulled out his guitar, "What would you like to hear?"

"Anything's fine with me."

"Okay..." Ethan nodded, as he took his guitar pick and began to play a tune. Liam recognized it; it was "Miracles in December." Ethan's voice was smooth and velvety as he began to sing. The more he listened to his voice, the more he wished the song wouldn't end. There was just something about the way he sang that spurred something up in Liam. Once the song was over, he found himself a little disappointed.

"You have a beautiful voice, Ethan," He said honestly, making the boy blush and look at the ground.

"Thanks..."

Liam chuckled humorlessly, "Though... It's a little ironic. This December will have anything but miracles for me."

By the sympathetic look in Ethan face, he could tell he was being glum again. I should really stop doing that. "A-Anyway," Liam cleared his throat, "Tell me, when did you learn to play the guitar?"

"This?" Ethan looked down at the musical instrument in his hands, "My mom taught me how to play it ever since I was a kid. This guitar is the only thing I have left from her. Safe to say it's my most prized possession."

"You play really well," Liam said with a soft smile.

"Thank you," Ethan smiled shyly, "What about you? Do you play any instruments?"

"Nah, I wish I could. I don't really have any talents," Liam shrugged.

"Come on, I'm sure there's something."

Liam chuckled, remembering something. Or rather someone. "Look at you! You have no talents, no ambitions, surely not even a single fucking clue about anything. Yet you always act so high and mighty. You have nothing going for you, Liam, it's pathetic."

"I wish," he shook his head, "Could you play another song for me?"

Ethan nodded with a soft smile, "Sure."

The two men talked all night, getting to know each other a little better. They got to know that they were both twenty-two, but Ethan was about three months older. They talked about their hobbies, their favorite foods and all sorts of mundane topics. And of course, every now and again, Liam would ask Ethan to sing, and he would politely comply with a shy smile. Eventually, Liam found himself yawning and rubbing his eyes.

"I think we should sleep now," Ethan said.

"Yeah..."

"Um... You can take the mattress. I'll sleep on the ground."

"And freeze to death? No way. Plus you only have one blanket."

"Okay so... What do you want to do?"

Liam lay down on the mattress and scooted over to one side, making space for Ethan and patting it lightly.

"Seriously?" Ethan quirked a brow, face slightly going red, "You sure about that?"

Liam rolled his eyes, "Come on. It's cold. We could use all the body heat we can get."

"O-Okay," The brunette lay down on the mattress next to the other man awkwardly on his back. Liam pulled the blanket over the two of them and turned to his side so he was facing Ethan.

"Good night, Ethan."

"G-Good night."

The next day, Liam was feeling a lot better and insisted on going with Ethan to the cafe.

They silently walked together, the sun's warm, gentle glow dulling the sharp winter breeze. Liam couldn't even remember the last time he felt the sun shine on his skin, but it felt great. It was a nice respite from the constant frostbite over the past week. Their feet dug into the snow as they made their way to the busy street that was filled with people trying to make it to work on time. Somehow it didn't feel as gloomy as it usually did.

"You okay?" Ethan asked, lifting a curious brow.

"I... Yeah. I'm great actually." Liam found himself smiling, and Ethan found himself staring for a little too long. "Why?"

"I don't know, you just looked a little out of it."

"I think that's just my resting bitch face. People always told me I had one. Must be why everyone found it so hard to approach me."

Ethan shrugged, "I find you pretty approachable."

"I was literally unconscious when you approached me," Liam laughed.

"Good point... But I still did so that counts for something, right?"

"Yeah definitely... maybe you were even the first."

Ethan glanced at Liam curiously, "Is that so?"

"I was never really any good at making friends," Liam confessed.

"Come on... I find it really hard to believe you couldn't make any friends."

"Not any real ones, anyway. Safe to say people didn't like me very much. So at some point I said to myself the whole friendship thing wasn't for me and closed myself off to the world."

Ethan paused for a while, gauging Liam's reaction. "Why didn't they like you?"

"Honestly, it was my fault. I was kind of an arrogant brat. Even when I was dating... I was too busy pointing out their flaws that I never tried to reflect on my own. I could never keep a girl, only ended up breaking their hearts. Only realized what I was doing when I got knocked off my high horse and lost everything. Gave me a lot of time to reflect."

He couldn't help but be reminded of her words yet again. "It's so easy for you to tell me you don't like how I look, or how I dress, or criticize every single fucking thing I do. Have you taken a look at yourself lately?"

Her words resonated in his head. Many times he thought about apologizing but his ego was just way too big. She was the only one that called him out on his bullshit, but he never really listened. She left him before he could leave her, and it had offended him so much. But now it just made him realize how right she was about everything she said.

Ethan put his hand on Liam's shoulder comfortingly. He could tell there was a lot on his mind and he felt sorry for bringing it up.

"Hey... it's all in the past now. You have a new life... A shitty one but a life nonetheless. A life worth living." That's what I always told myself when I was in your place, Liam, he thought.

Liam stopped in his tracks and eyed Ethan questioningly. "Is it really?"

"I honestly believe that there is a light at the end of this tunnel. We just need to tough it out long enough to get there." Liam remained quiet, thinking over his words. His eyes met Ethan's eyes that offered a soft, encouraging smile.

"Come on, we're almost there. You'll have time for an existential crisis later."

Liam chuckled awkwardly, snapping out of his reverie and continuing their stride. "Shit... sorry I'm being kind of depressing."

"No it's okay... If it makes you feel any better, well," Ethan licked his lips, momentarily glancing at him, "I'm here for you."

The statement comforted Liam, even though they were hardly more than strangers. Maybe he was just glad he didn't have to be alone anymore. All he did was mutter a soft "thanks" as they continued their short walk to the cafe.

Then they sat on the cardboard laid out on the ground and before long Ethan began to play his guitar and sing just as he always did. There were many people passing by and by and some would stop and listen. They would toss him some change, and he would tip his head to them in gratitude. Liam sat there and listened to him sing all day. And he didn't get bored at all. When day had turned to night and it was getting chilly, they packed up, put their money together and went to get something to eat. It wasn't much but it was enough for some cheap convenience store ramen. They ate on the pavement just outside the store while it was still hot, savoring the warmth it offered.

Liam talked about how he used to eat ramen noodles everyday when it was finals week, having no time to cook anything while being buried in his books. He joked about how he wished he didn't even bother keeping his grades up because he dropped out anyway, and that he should have gone out for gourmet when he had the chance. And Ethan just smiled and listened. He wasn't much of a talker, but he said just enough, and Liam didn't mind. He liked his company.

"Then this girl came up to me in the club and started grinding on me. Obviously I thought I was about to get lucky, next thing I know she turned out to be a guy."

Ethan cackled, "Are you serious?"

"Oh yeah, I was way too drunk at first to notice, but she had a hard on. I think it was even bigger than mine," Liam shook his head at the memory, "I think I was so scared I ran out of the club and called a cab. Later I realized I left my phone and wallet behind."

Ethan couldn't help but burst out laughing at that. Liam soon joined him, then stopped to look at him for a moment. He has a lovely smile, he thought to himself.

The other noticed him staring and cleared his throat, "I guess you're really not into guys huh?"

"I... never really tried. I just... I think it was the fact that he was dressed up as a girl that freaked me out... If I were to... you know, like... be into a guy... I would prefer a guy that just... looks like a guy, you know?" He said awkwardly. "Does that make any sense?"

Ethan smiled softly, "Yeah, I think it does."

And then they just stared at each other for a long moment. The moonlight shone down on Ethan's brown eyes, giving them an almost unearthly glow. Liam found it hard to look away, even when he felt his face getting hot. Ethan was the first to turn away, looking up at the sky as he felt a snowflake land on his cheek. Liam soon followed suit. He always loved the snow, it always made Christmas feel just that much more magical. Except that year, of course, but somehow that night, that snowfall made him feel just a little bit of that joy again.

So they stayed together for a few days. Every day, they'd go to the city together and make a few dollars to get by. And every night, they would sleep on the same lone mattress, giving each other the much needed extra warmth.

For the days that he was alone on the streets, Liam had contemplated death so many times. He had no one and nothing anymore. So what was the point of living?

But now he felt like he found a reason to live. A small one, but a reason nonetheless. That was all he really needed.

And that was to wake up and hear Ethan sing everyday.

"Can I ask you a question?" Ethan asked one day as they sat around their bonfire, warming up their hands.

Liam shrugged, "Yeah, sure."

"How did you really end up on streets?"

Liam looked up at him through his lashes, finding a sincere look on Ethan's face. It seemed like he was really curious to know, for a while actually, but he didn't want to be intrusive either. Oh, what the hell? What's the point hiding anything anymore? The two had gotten quite close over the past few days, given the fact that they only had each other for company. And Ethan was wonderful company. Liam didn't see the point in evading the question, even though bringing up the past was painful, but he figured Ethan deserved to know.

"Ah where do I start?" He asked rhetorically, leaning back against the wall, "My father... His business hadn't been going exactly well, with the whole recession going on right now. He took out many loans, mostly to keep his company afloat and to pay for my college tuition. But he could never really pay them back. A few months ago he had a stroke and just... passed away," He paused, looking down at his feet then looking up again at Ethan's apologetic eyes, "I guess all the stress just caught up to him. And I was left behind... alone. My dad's piled up debts eventually landed on my shoulders. Before I even had time to grieve, the bank took away all our belongings. Our house, our car, everything. I had to drop out of college and was left to hang dry on the streets with nothing but a high school diploma."

Ethan frowned. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine." It really was. Liam was slowly starting to come to terms with his new life. He just felt numb to everything at that point.

"What about your mother?"

"She passed away when I was six... Breast cancer."

"Oh... I'm sorry. Again."

"It's honestly fine," Liam sighed, "It's not your fault."

"Don't you have any other family or relatives?"

"None that I know of, anyway. My father was a single child. My grandparents are long dead and gone. It's just me now." Liam smiled sadly, "What about you? What's your story?"

Ethan sighed, "I dropped out of school and ran away from home when I was seventeen. I've been on the streets for a few years now. I just travel from place to place and I sing on the streets for a living. It's the only thing I know to do," He said with a shrug.

"Why'd you run away?"

"I... My parents were very poor. My mother was really weak and my father spent most of his money on drinks and gambling. He was a really violent man... always taking out all his anger on the two of us. Eventually mom couldn't take it anymore... she was already severely anemic and the constant abuse only made things worse. She passed away in her sleep when I was fifteen. He didn't seem to care though... and he just kept abusing me. Two years later I decided I'd had enough of it and ran away from home without looking back."

Liam was listening attentively to his story and he felt really sorry for Ethan. He had never actually been through parental abuse before. Sure, his father was a very careless man, always throwing all his money in the wrong places, but he was hardly a bad person, let alone abusive.

"I'm sorry..."

"Well, it's all in the past now," He shrugged, "I may not have anything now, and I live off other people's generosity, but I'd choose this life any day over the life I had before."

Liam nodded slowly. He must have had it really rough.

"But... What really keeps you going?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean... what keeps you wanna keep living? You don't have anything, and yet you're always content... How do you do it?"

"What keeps me going..." Ethan stared up at the ceiling, thinking for a moment. "I don't know. Maybe it's seeing the smiles on people's faces when I sing on the streets. Or the people that intentionally go out of their way to take that road just to hear me sing on their way to work, the people that expect to see me there every morning. I feel like... I have a silent obligation to them, you know? The fact that I can make someone's day just that little bit better... I guess... that's what keeps me going."

Liam stared at the homeless man, somewhat in awe, "That's it?"

"Pretty much, yeah," Ethan shrugged, "Sure, sometimes I get so hungry that I feel like my stomach is literally gonna swallow itself, and it's dirty and dingy, and it smells and the winters are especially harsh... But I mean, at least I'm in control of my own life. I don't have to live under anyone's shadow, nor do I have to care what other people think of me. I only have myself to look out for. But I see all these people everyday, living a routinely life, drowned in their responsibilities, work and phones. Not having any of that stuff, I don't know, it makes me appreciate a lot of things."

"Like what?" Liam asked curiously. It was the first time Ethan actually spoke about himself and Liam just found him so interesting. He wanted to know more and more.

"Like..." Ethan thought for a minute, "Like, how often do people just sit and watch the sunset? It's something that's just always there, it feels mundane to us. But when you really take a second to appreciate it, you realize how amazing it is. Stuff like that."

"The sunset..." Liam trailed off in a daze, "But... doesn't it get lonely?"

It took Ethan a moment to reply to that, "It does, sometimes. But that's something I've just learned to live with. I've been alone ever since my mother passed away."

"Well... I guess you have me now," Liam said with a small smile. Ethan blushed.

"Yeah... I guess." But you'll leave one day, he thought silently.

"Hey... Wanna watch the sunset? I'm kinda curious now."

Ethan laughed softly, "Okay."

And like that, the two men climbed up to the roof of the building and sat down, waiting for the sun to set. It didn't take that long and when it did, Liam could see exactly what Ethan was talking about. Warm hues of red, orange and yellow, mixing and molding together in abstract patterns as the sun gradually disappeared into the sky. It was a sight so beautiful and so glorious, he felt so stupid for never having appreciated it before. He was completely and utterly taken away with the view.

"Wow..." He whispered in awe.

"I know, right?" Ethan smiled. Liam turned to look at the brunette, smiling warmly.

"It's beautiful," He said, gazing at Ethan. You're beautiful, he found himself thinking.

Liam tossed and turned on the old mattress, a certain thought nagging in his mind. The past couple of weeks with Ethan had been such an eye-opener for him. It really made him realize how much he was missing out on when he was busy handing in assignments and studying for finals. It just made him think, what was the point of it all? They both had nothing, nothing at all, but at least they had each other. And he was... actually happy with just that.

His fingers softly played with Ethan's hair, absentmindedly but carefully not to wake him up. He looked around the old run down building. Ethan deserves better. He'd been providing for the both of them, sharing every meal with him, without ever asking for anything in return. But Liam was starting to think it was time he gave something back. He just didn't know what.

He wanted to start a new life, or rather, continue this little life he had with Ethan. He could never find the determination nor the energy to change things when he was alone. To start over from scratch. It just seemed so impossible. But now he had this newfound strength in him, to actually get up and do something about his life. And it was all because of Ethan.

But how?

He stared at Ethan's sleeping form, the light snore escaping his thick lips making the corners of Liam's lips curl up unknowingly. He couldn't help but find it adorable. He felt Ethan shiver visibly when Liam's fingers accidentally brushed the skin of his neck. Ethan never wore a scarf, but he seemed to handle the cold much better than Liam ever could. He'd never be able to cope with his neck exposed like that. Frowning, he retracted his hand. It was a particularly cold night. It didn't take long to notice that all of Ethan was quivering from the cold. Biting his lip, he discreetly inched closer to him. He wrapped his arm around him and pulled him into his chest gently.

It just felt so warm, the cold long forgotten as he caressed his hair gently, as if he was the most precious thing he'd ever held. He probably looked really ridiculous. He sure felt ridiculous... but he didn't mind. It was the most wonderful feeling to have Ethan close, his breath tickling his neck. He had just found a good excuse to hold him, because he'd been secretly wanting to do that for a while.

"It's like you never want to cuddle," she huffed. Turning over away from Liam. He rolled his eyes.

"You know I don't like anyone touching me in my sleep."

"Just say you don't like me, period."

He smiled to himself as he pulled Ethan in closer. Maybe she was right about that- he didn't like her very much, but cuddling? He definitely didn't mind that.

In that moment, he finally knew what he had to do.

"Ethan... things will get better. I promise." He whispered. He felt Ethan nuzzle even closer to him and it made his stomach flutter in a way he couldn't really describe.

He hadn't realized that Ethan's eyes had long since fluttered open and his lips were curved up into a sad smile.