Bitter Bliss

|Varen's Perspective|

 "Whether I live or die after today should only be a thought in your dreams now."

I stared mindlessly at the ground where you once stood, your words constantly repeating in my mind, forcing me to relive the moment endlessly.

 "Make no mistake. You broke your side of the deal first and now; you're simply dealing with the repercussions of it."

The look of relief I saw in your pained expression when you said those words were unmistakable. 

I thought I had everything under control.

I thought you would remain by my side forever if I tried hard enough to fix everything.

But clearly, I had been wrong.

Clearly, you had no intentions of rebuilding something that was already long gone.

I was the fool to even entertain the thought that you would ever reciprocate my love.

Not after what I had done to you that day during the war. Your lifeless expression would stare right back at me whenever I dared attempt to forget it. 

It appears that in the end, I was in no better shape than Arius.

It seemed as though I was the only one delusional enough to think it would be that easy.

 Sure, you were reluctant at first, but eventually, I could feel you giving in to my persuasions, just like I had intended.

 You secretly liked it when I pursued you, even though we both knew better than to let our desires win.

I thought I had you right where I wanted you.

 And yet, I failed to take note of the most important thing.

You had never intended to stay with me in the first place.

You didn't even bother to look back despite my desperate pleas, begging you to stay.

 A sharp pain in my head quickly distracted me from my thoughts, prodding my nerves relentlessly as if to mock me.

 I thought I had gotten rid of this god forsaken sickness for good when I had found Zeya.

But just like a damned curse, it made its grand comeback as soon as she was no longer within my grasp.

I groaned painfully as the throbbing in my head persisted, showing me no mercy just like the person behind my dark infatuations.

The restraints were starting to make my hands go numb behind my back, and my vision grew blurrier the harder I tried to stay awake.

 The coppery scent of my own blood filled my nostrils, and I could only laugh bitterly as a way to cope.

Strangely, I found the entire situation somewhat, humorous.

Humorous in a sick and twisted way.

"Hah, how long has it been since I've felt this alive?"  I asked myself shamelessly as I enjoyed the sensation of my stomach twisting into knots. 

I was oddly greedy when it came to Zeya, like a ravenous beast cursed with insatiable hunger.

That was the only part of me that remained the same throughout the centuries.

 I wondered if she noticed how hard I tried to suppress my desires around her once we were reunited.

I was, after all, fearful that one wrong step would unravel a series of decision making that I would ultimately come to regret.

 However, I've come to regret going against my urges after what had unraveled today.

I should've imprisoned you when I had the chance.

Perhaps then, I would not be suffering the consequences as I was now.

Perhaps then, my heart wouldn't feel as though it had been torn into pieces.

Yes... you were to blame for the all the pain I always had to endure.

It was the price I had to pay for falling in love with you.

 "She won't be able to run far." I told myself, recalling the contract we shared. "Not if she's severely hurt."

 "This is for the better, I suppose." I tried to make sense of everything while I took a deep breath to calm down. "... How unfortunate. I had sincerely hoped that I would not have to resort to such extreme measures for her own sake."

 "Forgive me for hurting you yet again, my love." I whispered under my breath; the stillness of the room was suddenly comforting.

 I stared off into the distance as I prepared my body for the impending pain.

"But you left me with no other choice."

Blood splattered all over the pristine floor as a result of the spell I casted which left me nearly dead.

An insignia that was emblematic of our blood contract glowed above me, signifying the outcome of what I had just done.

 You may have been gone physically but I was still clinging onto to you through the pact that I forced you to take on.

 A pathetic part of me felt somewhat at ease to know that you too could feel the pain that I had conflicted onto myself.

 I couldn't help but smile at the thought.

 Slumped on the ground, I made a new resolve before I allowed myself to lose consciousness as a result of the immense blood loss.

I was going to do whatever it takes to find you, and bring you back by my side, where you belonged.

To be continued...