Chapter 8: Gaius

It has been a little over a month since the love of my life became the ruler of my nation and people. Since then, it's been ever so lonely. Occasionally, Lami will come to see me and check up on me as if I were some kind of animal, separated from its mother. I don't think I had looked that upset to anyone else, but that girl has a special sight for these kinds of things. It was one of those days again, I had found myself reading what I had been sent over and over.

How long had it been since I saw my love in person? It was the coronation. I bore no ill feelings towards Queen Dahlia before, but after this I found myself boiling with rage. I am such a fool. Is it selfish of me? I don't want to share my love with the whole nation. I don't think they deserve someone like her.

"I hope I can visit soon."

"Maybe Lulu will let us in next week! She said in her letter it'd be soon, I bet it's just around the corner?" Lami's response had taken me by surprise. I had forgotten she had come to watch over me once again. Bless that poor girl, she was like an angel watching over me and Lu.

"And if it is not? What do we do then?"

"Well...nothing, silly. We just keep trying until we can see our friend again."

I was sounding foolish again. Like a boy crying for his mother. Am I really this pathetic without Lutum here? What does that mean of me?

"Hey, Gaius! Hey! Snap out of it!"

Lami was taking pity on me again. I almost resented her for it. How foolish was that? The only friend I had at this moment and I was harboring such negative feelings towards her. It was like moving a mountain, forcing the words out of my mouth.

"Lami."

"Yes?"

"Do you think we will see her again?"

"Of course I do!"

"Really?"

"Well, yes."

I found my spirits lifted momentarily, before my dear friend imparted the rest of her thoughts unto me.

"But!"

"But?"

"But there's a chance we don't. Lulu is the Queen, Earthen Mother and all that now, you know? She's a very busy lady. She might not even be the same!"

"Even if she's not, she's still the love of my life, Lami. I'll still be there for her."

"If you can...my point is!"

Lami was pausing for dramatic effect again. I am still unsure if this is to entertain myself or her, but she seems to enjoy it either way so I make no mention of it.

"Your point is…?"

"People change! Lives change! She's the love of your life so far, but that can change! You two had been saying yourselves not two months ago that it may be your last weeks together, simply from being absorbed in your families' works."

"I don't see how this changes my point."

"It doesn't have to. You should just be ready, if the Lulu you see next time isn't the same Lulu you knew before. You were both preparing to move on before, so you should be ready to move on again!"

I was not expecting these words of all things, to come out of Lami's mouth. It felt as if I were being scolded by a parent for wanting things I could not have. It could not, and should not be so simple.

"We can't just move on, Lami! We've always been together! That's the way things are meant to be!"

"You can move on, Gaius. You just don't want to. Maybe you don't have to."

"Thank you."

"I'm sure you'd make a fine king, after all."

"Very funny."

That was the last of our small argument for today. Just like always, Lami would politely thank me for letting her spend time in my home before leaving to go her own way and take care of her duties for her family.

This was not the first time Lami and I had a conversation on this subject matter and it would likely fail to be the last. It was becoming part of a routine at this point. Not a day would go by that we did not have a repeat of this conversation.

As usual, I stormed out of my own house to find a breath of fresh air and I'd take all the letters I'd received so far to read, so it could be like I was on one of those walks with my dear Lu once again.

That said, I cannot help but yearn for you and your touch. It has been too long since we have seen each other. I would write of what I saw within the Palace, but it does not quite compare to you. We simply must meet again as soon as we can.

I could not stop reading a certain excerpt of hers. My love has such a beautiful way with words. The more I read over it, the more certain I became that there was no way she could have changed too much, despite the drastic predicament life had thrown her into.

The next time I saw her, we would definitely find some time to take a walk like we always did. Perhaps she found some new places to go, led by the Earthen Knights?

I made a wish, like we always would when we came to this beautiful clearing. My only wish this time was to see my dear Lu as soon as possible.

I couldn't help myself. I had to begin writing again. I soon procured my parchment and my quills, carving my love into the letter that would soon be on its way to the Earthen Palace.

My Dear Lutum Sylvari,

Or should I be calling you 'Your Majesty' now? I do apologise if I should have addressed you differently, my love.

No, this was definitely too forced. I shouldn't try to be funny in them, I only want to tell her how much I miss and love her.

Lutum,

I miss you dearly and I wish to see you again right now.

No, this was definitely not right either.

Dear Lutum

It's your love here again. Today was another argument with Lami. She was telling me that I need to be prepared to move on, but she underestimates how far I'd go to be with you, my love.

This would definitely not do. I definitely didn't want to sound as if I was obsessed with her to an unhealthy level. Nor would she like to hear about my squabbles with Lami, if I am honest.

It felt like hours that I pondered that choice. I would soon come to the revelation that it was hours I had spent there. Watching day turn to night as I struggled with the voices inside my head. To the surprise of no one, Lami found me once again, sprawled on the grass with several sheets of parchment crumpled up next to me.

"Gaius, there are better places to take a nap than the ground you know."

"Your sense of humour never fails to amaze, does it?"

"Of course it doesn't. Someone's got to bring the cheer around here! Now shall we turn your frown all the way upside down?"

"Lami, I am not a child."

Despite my protests, after today's struggles and the struggles I had been having the past month, I was not entirely convinced I was right in claiming that.

"Are you sure?"

Lami always had this grin on her, as if she had told the world's funniest joke, no matter the occasion. If there was one thing I had learned to expect of Lami, it was that there was nothing that could stop her from smiling and seeing the bright side of a situation.

"Now, shall we get you home, Lover Boy?"

"You don't have to call me that, Lu isn't even here..."

"Teasing you is so much fun, though!"

Despite my protests, I took the hand that Lami offered and pulled myself up. Lami walked me home, ensuring that I was ok along the way. That girl truly was too kind for her own good. I really could not ask for a better friend.

Having parted ways with Lami at my door, I was quickly embroiled in an argument with my mother on why I had not been around to help with work today. The argument quickly subsided however, with my mother sharply deciphering the cause of my woes. As she put it: 'he's lovesick, misses that poor girl'.

They were not quite the words I would have used, but I was grateful for her understanding nonetheless. As I retired to my room for the night, I found myself once again thinking of Lutum at my writing desk. Almost everything I had tried to write so far was something I had ended up unsatisfied with.

There were several more attempts that I decided to discard. In some I tried too hard to be funny, in others I felt I did not say enough. There were some that I felt had things she wouldn't want to be hearing of, and in some I felt like I didn't include enough of myself in it like I usually would.

In the end, what made it to her was my last sheet of parchment. I had gone through the entire stock. I had pages of nonsense and discarded ideas, but only half a page left. Below the splattering of ink that I felt I had poured my soul into, I simply wrote down what I felt the most in that moment.

I love you, Lutum.

I miss you.