Sleepwalker

2019 ‖ Eckley, CO

"Cam? Fuck, Cam!" A voice violently shakes him out of his sleep. He slowly opens his eyes but it's too dark to see anything. Cameron's body shivers and his back hurts. His fingers explore the ground beneath him. A million tiny rubbery stones press themselves into his skin like needles.

"Dude, what the fuck are you doing here?" A light hits his eyes and he squints. It reminds him of the shrill neon tubes in the supermarket. As if they were pressing themselves through his pupils into his brain, squashing every single cell until there would be nothing left but the radiating white.

The light moves away from his face and Cameron sees Sonny standing next to him, bent over. "Did you seriously decide to sleep outside? You'll catch your own death in these temperatures!" Cameron tries to sit up and looks around. The flashlight illuminates the red rubbery ground of the basketball field. How did he get here? What happened?

"I...don't know." "What do you mean you don't know? Did you sleepwalk?" Cameron shrugs his shoulders and then slowly stands up. He feels dizzy. "Apparently. What time is it?" His right-hand wipes over his cheek and through his hair. The rubbery pebbles, which got stuck to him like petrified leeches sucking on his skin, drizzle down onto the floor. "11:29. I heard you getting up and leaving the room so I followed you but lost you for a minute and then I found you here, sleeping."

Cameron furrows his eyebrows. He remembers looking at his phone after seeing the shadow before he left to follow it. That was at 11:25 pm. So only four minutes had passed since he stepped out into the car park? That is how long it probably took him to walk from their room to this place. So that makes sense. But usually dreams last way longer. He remembers reading a study saying a normal dream takes 10 to 20 minutes. So how did he manage to dream all of that in only four?

He stood there, behind the containers, for half an hour. There was no skip in time. He experienced every single second.

Cameron can feel his head beginning to hurt. All of that, seeing Kaz again, the shadow, the fucked up dream and waking up outside in the cold, is just too much for him. The only thing Cameron wants to do now is to sleep in his bed and not get up for the next 48 hours. And he doesn't want any more dreams.

~~~~~~~~~~

The alarm went off at 6:45 am and it took Cameron a good minute to motivate himself to get up, go to classes and to see Kaz. He had to convince himself first that staying in bed all day, contemplating his existence and replaying last night's dream was not a productive way to deal with the situation.

Instead he decided to just forgive Sonny because he had no energy to continue ignoring him and Cameron hates fighting anyway. He loves harmony and would rather forgive someone out of the blue than showing them the cold shoulder just to make a statement. And the feeling from last night, not having Sonny as a friend anymore, was too much to bear.

It doesn't take long until he has to face last night's dream. During the morning prayer, he can't stop looking at Kaz. First of all, because he looks like an angel in his school uniform and with his curls that frame his pale face like a halo and underline his big green eyes. But he is also looking for signs of some sort of drug use.

Cameron knows that's stupid because

a) you can't always see that

b) it was just a dream and

c) Kaz is not the kind of person to take drugs.

But on the other hand, Cameron realizes that he probably doesn't know him as well as he makes himself believe.

Yes, the week they spent together last summer was intense, intimate and beautiful but how good can you possibly know someone who you've spent only six days with and haven't seen for over a year after that?

Cameron knows that he fucked up yesterday. He has to apologize. Even though the thought of talking to Kaz is making his stomach turn. He feels embarrassed after how their conversation went yesterday. He will never forget the mix of confusion and annoyance in the boy's face.

Everyone is getting up and instead of following Sonny, Cameron waits for Kaz, who is talking to his friends. When the group passes him, Cameron takes all of his courage and clears his throat.

"Wait!" The boy turns around and looks at him. "Can we talk for a second?" Kaz looks like he isn't sure but nods. "Sure. What's up? " His friends give Cameron a weird look but continue to walk away.

"I just wanted to apologize for yesterday. I guess I freaked you out. You're probably right, my memories must have gotten messed up." Kaz starts to smile.

"Don't worry, it's fine. I could've been a little nicer as well. Our brains can be weird sometimes." Cameron nods and smiles back. Phew.

"Well anyway, welcome to our school." He turns around and sees that his friends have already left the room. Kaz scratches his neck nervously.

"I gotta go. See you later, dude." Kaz gives him one last smile and starts walking away.

As soon as he has left the room, Cameron falls back onto his chair. The feeling of talking to Kaz after such a long time is amazing and yet awful because nothing is as it was.

The thought of what he could have if Kaz just fucking remembered rips his heart apart.

"He still doesn't know who we are, huh?" Sonny stands in the doorway with a sad look on his face. Cameron just shakes his head.

"I'm really sorry dude. I hope you guys can start over. Who knows what the future holds, right?"

Cameron sees last night's dream in front of his eyes, the sick looking boy begging him for cocaine.

Yeah, who knows.