Desperate

2023 ‖ Chicago, IL

There had been a few more performances and Cameron had tried his best to not show his discomfort, sinking deeper and deeper into his chair, letting his eyes wander through the room, not focussing it on anything, especially the dancers. The only person he actually wants to be near to is Kaz, with his bright green eyes, messy hair and the way he had laughed about his awkwardness.

Such a different Kaz from the one he met last summer. Back then he had been shy, unsure and anxious. But this Kaz had not had any plans of hiding, with a voice, clear and soft like soap bubbles.

The only thing that had felt familiar, was his sweet smile, the way he squinted his eyes and revealed his small dimple. So much warmth in just one facial expression.

"Cam?" He flinches and looks up into Kaz' face. Where did he come from?

He has changed once again, this time into a silver chrome look. Everything is shiny like polished metal. The shoes, the shorts, the tank top, the blazer and the choker around his neck. The sharp cool-tone makes his reddish hair look even softer and warmer.

"Do you want me to give you a little tour?" Kaz offers his hand smiling so Cameron gets up and takes it without thinking about it for another second to ask him what he means by "tour".

Kaz leads him through the pond of tables and chairs and Cameron can feel how people are staring at him and although he usually hates this kind of attention, he doesn't care right now.

All that matters at this moment is Kaz' warm hand holding his and the way he smiles to himself while taking short glances at Cameron out of the corners of his eyes.

They arrive at the two doors labeled "Private" and he opens the right one. "The other one leads to the boss' office and to the room for the cleaning supplies so we can skip that. Here is where all the pre and after show magic happens."

They enter a small hallway with red carpet and vintage style wallpaper. There are only a few doors on both sides and at the end a spiral staircase signals that there is a second floor. "Behind the one right here is the changing room, so you sadly can't go in there, sorry. On the left is our break room but what I actually wanted to show you lies behind this door."

He opens the last one on the right and pulls Cameron through. What he sees seems like a small private stage with red sofas on two sides of the room. "Those who pay a little extra get a private performance in here. It makes customers often feel a little more...special." Cameron nods slowly but isn't sure what to say. "And why did you bring me here?" "To show you something, sit down."

Cameron does as he is told and watches with nervous eyes as Kaz locks the door and then bends down to the sound system.

"You said you were fascinated by the pole dancing, right? Well, you only got to see a small portion of the things that are possible so I thought I'd show you some more if you want me to." He turns around, giving Cameron a questioning look. "Y-yeah, sure. I'd love that."

Kaz turns on the song, takes off his blazer and gets onto the circular stage. "Okay this performance is an older one but it's fun so I think you'll like it."

The song starts playing and with the first lyric Kaz is already up in the air, his arms and legs moving graciously. He starts to lipsync with a shining smile. It is almost as if he grinning, nearly laughing at himself and this time Cameron can't help but to reflect his wide smile. Kaz seems to actually have a lot of fun, no matter if he's elegantly moving on the pole or banging his head like a maniac when he is back on the ground.

Cameron starts to feel bad for judging him earlier. He enjoys dancing and he loves the attention he's getting so where is the problem? The only problem is Cameron's own ignorance. Fuck.

Kaz' legs shine bright underneath the spotlight. Everything is so perfect that Cameron almost forgets that this is just a dream and not reality. Kaz walks towards him as if he is singing just for him. The song ends and Kaz gives a quick bow before jogging over to the music player to turn it off again. Cameron can't help but to clap.

"That was amazing." Kaz starts blushing again while putting his blazer back on and walking over. After finishing with clapping, Cameron wants to get up but Kaz pushes him back down. The sudden dominant move sends shivers down Cameron's spine.

"I thought maybe we could talk some more. I find you very refreshing." "Oh, I-" Kaz sits down on his lap so that they are now looking at each other face to face. "Yes?" Cameron's heart starts to race.

"Hi," he whispers. Kaz chuckles quietly and puts his arms around Cameron's neck. "Hi." His face. So soft. His lips. So sweet. His eyes. So bright. And his crotch... way too close. Cameron takes all of his inner strength and puts his hands on Kaz' waist. He smiles. "Do you still want to know why they call me Java?" All he can do is nod.

"I don't know exactly myself but I have two theories. The first one is the one I tell all customers. Java, just like the island, stands for my 'natural beauty.'"

Air quotes.

"And that being with me is like a fun summer holiday. You know, lying on the beach and enjoying the sun, renting a yacht...discovering hidden waterfalls. Smelling wild flowers. Dancing through the nights, drunk on tequila and fresh love. That is the fantasy I try to sell them. I'm not the power bottom who you'll have the wildest sex with, who'll make you drool my name. I'm not the mysterious hot babe who'll play with your heart while you try relentlessly to win me over. I'm that one unforgettable fun summer love who will make you feel young and exciting."

Cameron's heart aches at the word summer love. Kaz doesn't even know how right he is with that.

"The second theory is less glamorous. Before I started working here, I was a barista. When I applied for this job my boss offered me coffee but I said 'No thanks, I don't drink coffee' and he just started to laugh for ten minutes straight. It was the weirdest and most hilarious thing for him. A barista that doesn't like coffee. You barely get to see that these days." Cameron can't help but to let out a chuckle. "So Java like the coffee brand?" "Exactly."

Kaz smiles as well and starts to stroke Cameron's hair. He can barely hear his own thoughts over the sound of his beating heart.

"I think you're doing a great job at selling that fantasy. Although if I was in that scenario, I'd hope to have you in my life for more than just one summer. I bet we'd get along so well that I'd propose to you on the last day so we can run away together and then our summer would never end, it would turn into our life."

Kaz' facial expression goes silent for a second or two before he starts to smile again. But it feels different.

"Oh god, so you're not just a responsible nice guy but also a hopeless romantic? What did I get myself into this time?" He takes a strand of hair that has fallen into Cameron's face and pushes it away. "Please, you're the one who started talking about secret waterfalls and being drunk on love." Kaz rolls his eyes playfully.

"All I'm saying is that...I think that is what you deserve. The perfect love story I mean. Because you seem like a great person. And you're beautiful. Sorry, that was probably too corny." Cameron blushes from embarrassment.

Kaz' eyes fixate his. And then his face comes closer. His lips land on Cameron's mouth and all of a sudden he is kissing him.

Cameron freezes, his brain shuts down and his hands, still lying on Kaz' small waist, start to shake. Then he thinks fuck it, it's just a dream, kisses back and pulls him closer.

It is a sweet kiss and it reminds Cameron of the first one he and real Kaz had shared at the campfire. Just that this Kaz is way more experienced and so the sweetness soon turns into a type of desperate passion as if they are both drowning and only by kissing they can survive.

Cameron knows why he feels that way. He had to wait for so long, way too long, to be finally able to touch this boy again. Not a single day passed where he didn't think about his sweet lips and pure laugh.

But he doesn't know what makes Kaz this desperate, why he is pressing Cameron so closely to himself that not a single sheet of paper would fit between their chests.

But apart from that, the kiss stays an innocent one. There are no tongues or hands under shirts or silent moans, only the needs of two very lonely humans. Sadly it ends as suddenly as it had started.

Kaz pulls back slightly and takes a big breath. And yes, Cameron is a bit disappointed. If it was for him, he would have taken him here and now, would have claimed his neck and chest and ripped off Kaz' clothes to finally make him his. But then again he wants Kaz in more than just that way.

"Oh wow okay. You could have told me that you're such a great kisser. I would have prepared myself better." "Well, I didn't see it coming." "No, of course you didn't." Kaz laughs and gets up, pulling Cameron with him. "I need to get back to work now."

They step out into the hallway. It still is completely empty but Cameron can hear the loud music from the club pressing itself forcefully through the walls. Kaz pulls out a silver bobby pin from his hair and puts it into Cameron's hand.

"Next time you're here, and I do hope that you will return, show that to security and they'll let me know you're here." Cameron looks at the shiny piece of plastic and then closes his fist.

"I wonder how often you had to buy new ones because you kept giving these away to other responsible nice guys." Kaz winks cheekily. "I usually don't do this so you better fell honored." Cameron smiles at him. So he is special now? Thank you, dream gods.

"Bye Cam, I hope I get to see you again very soon." Kaz comes a bit closer, touches his arm and kisses his cheek. Cameron blushes. "Bye...Java."

The timing is perfect because as soon as he has finished that sentence, his stomach starts to turn again. He quickly leaves the backstage area, giving Kaz one last wave and manages to reach the toilets just in time before everything goes black again.