Body Issues

I was trying to focus on the words on the page, tried to cram every last letter into my head, but somehow I couldn't concentrate on Personal Law at the moment. I'd been up all night. I glanced down at my phone again; the words 'explain tomorrow' still taunting me. Percy and I had planned to have dinner last night. I was waiting for him when my phone beeped with a text saying he couldn't make it anymore.

Frankly, I was pissed at him, so pissed in fact, that when I heard a knock on my door, I ignored it. I listened to the door creak open, and I refused to even look up from my books, refused even to acknowledge the intruder I knew was my boyfriend. His footsteps went to my bed, and I heard him sit down, but I still refused to look at him.

"Frank let me in," he almost whispered.

"I figured," I said emotionlessly. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to study."

"Jase..." he said in a small voice, and I snapped.

"Why don't you just..." my words died away as I spun around and saw his face. "Fuck Perce, what happened to you?" I asked as I practically flew over to him. His cheek was bruised, his lip split and his eye was swollen shut.

"It's nothing," he tried, but I wasn't going to let him even try to wave it off.

"You said you'll explain, now explain," I said in a dangerous tone. "Start with who the fuck did this to you."

"You're cute when you're worried," he smirked at me. I gave him my best glare, ensuring he knew just how serious I was being. "Fine," he sighed, leaning forward, letting his face fall into his hands. "It was Luke," he muttered, and I felt my blood boil. Wasn't it enough that he already put him the fucking hospital?

"I'm going to kill him," I stated, surprising myself with the pure venom that laced into my voice.

"He's just jealous," he muttered with his head still buried in his hands.

"Jealous? What's Luke jealous of?" I asked disbelievingly. How could he peg this all on jealousy, especially when there isn't any reason for Luke to be jealous of Percy?

I mean, they don't play the same position so it couldn't be rival jealousy. Percy didn't have a girlfriend to be jealous of either...no, Luke wasn't gay. And even if he were, he wouldn't want me, right? Percy fell back on to the bed with another sigh.

"You don't want to know all the horny details of my past, now do you?" he tried to wave it off again, but I wasn't going to let him do that.

"I do if it involves that prick, now you tell me why he would be jealous," I said, looking down at him with my best stern look. He opened one eye and looked up at me.

"You sure?" he asked in a whisper. I nodded once, stern look still in place. He let his eye close again and took a deep breath as if he was bracing himself before he opened both eyes.

"Luke and I fucked when he was still at Half-Blood High," he explained, looking up at the ceiling. "He doesn't want me with anyone else." He seemed surprisingly calm to me, and I couldn't stand it. Now was the time to be angry, Jackson!

Being completely honest with myself, I knew the biggest reason I was mad was the thought of Percy with another guy. Sure, I knew there must have been other guys, but now I had a name, a face of someone who had an intimate connection with Percy and suddenly reality struck and left me on my ass. I wanted to throttle Luke even more, for ever touching Percy.

"So he beat you because you're with me?" I asked, immediately feeling guilty at the thought.

"No," he said. I waited for him to elaborate, but he never did.

"No? What exactly happened yesterday, Perce?" I asked carefully.

"He beat me because I turned him down." He looked at me for the first time since his little confession started. "I wasn't going to cheat on you, now was I?" he gave me a wink.

I felt a huge weight lift off my shoulders. Not that I've ever thought Percy would cheat on me, but hearing him say it made me feel special like he really wanted to be with me. I looked at him expectantly though. I still wanted to know what happened yesterday.

"He pinned me against the wall outside the pool and got mad when I said no. I was late for practice, so my dad came looking for me and pulled him off me. That's it."

"Your dad?" I asked, still amazed at how calm he was.

"Yeah, you're invited to Thanksgiving, by the way," he said as he closed his eyes again.

"What?" I asked in a voice an octave higher than usual.

"Well, he wanted to know the whole story..." a smirk started to grow on his face "...just like you." He cracked an eye open to look at me for a second before he shut it again. "So I told him. He now knows that his son is gay and he'd like to have his son's boyfriend over for Thanksgiving." I choked on air. He really told his dad about us? He pushed up on his one elbow to look at me.

"That's kind of why I couldn't make it last night. My dad wanted me to tell him everything after practice, and that included everything I could about you after I told him I had a boyfriend."

"Okay," I started, still processing the fact he told his father he was gay and we were dating all in one go. My father didn't even know I was gay yet. "Yeah, that'd be great."

"You don't want to spend it with your family?" he asked with a small frown.

"Nah, Thalia already bailed too," I answered as my mind travelled to the memory of our house around Thanksgiving, cold and lonely. "Besides my father's never home around Thanksgiving. You know feeding the homeless and whatnot for publicity, and I'm not in the mood to deal with my stepmom."

"Ah," Percy started, nodding with understanding. "Step-monsters are never easy. I don't blame you for not wanting to go home."

"You had a step..." the question died away as I realised just how little I actually knew about his past. "I thought your parents only just split up?"

"They did," he said with a shrug. "For the second time. They split up the first time just before my freshman year." I was frozen in place for about two full minutes. "My mom remarried to this real creep," he said with a look of disgust. "My dad, being the honourable man he is, said I needed a real family experience and begged my mom to take him back, which she did."

"How did I not know that?" I asked in a whisper, almost to myself. Percy smirked and leaned up to my ear.

"You were probably too distracted by my body to hear me talk," he whispered with a chuckle.

"I'm a bad boyfriend," I said again to myself.

"No, you're not," Percy whispered back as he started to push me back onto the bad.

"I am," I said as I pushed him away lightly, sitting up. He looked confused. "I keep neglecting you, in all aspects."

"Jase, you're being ridiculous," he sighed as he sat up on his haunches. "And what do you mean by 'in all aspects'?"

"I'm not being ridiculous!" I nearly screamed. "And I mean just that. I haven't paid attention to you, may it be your past or your feelings. Fuck, I hadn't even paid attention to you sexually, Perce." I didn't feel myself heat up in the slightest.

"Because I don't need it, Jase," he said softly as he cupped my cheek.

"How could you not need it?" I asked, slightly afraid of the answer. "Do you not want me to?"

"Jase," he said, pulling my face up to his, suddenly serious. "Don't you ever think I don't want you, you got that?" The way he said it, it was more of an order than a question. I nodded. "I need you to understand that I'm just not that into physical acts, yeah?"

"Why not?" I found myself ask and I got a glimpse of that broken Percy I saw a few weeks ago. I saw the pain in his eyes as he let go of me and slid off the bed.

"My body isn't worth anything," he whispered, looking off to the side of the room. He cleared his throat before he spoke again, still not looking at me. "I'm late for practice." He made for the door, and I bound after him, stopping him just before he reached it.

"It's Saturday, Perce. There is no practice," I whispered. I wasn't stupid. I knew he didn't like people seeing him at his worst, at his weakest. Hell, he'll probably deny ever having a bad day, but this was me. I wanted him to find comfort in me. No, I needed him to find comfort in me, because then maybe I could say I did, I meant something to him. "Let me in, Perce."

"My thoughts are the only thing I still have." He turned to me with a pleading look. "Could you please just leave me that?" he asked in a whisper.

"How could you think your body isn't worth anything?" I asked in a whisper of my own. I was slightly angry with him. How dare he say that his body isn't worth anything when it is one of the most precious things to me?

It had changed in the past few weeks. Percy didn't have those bulging muscles that came with hours in the gym anymore. His muscled seemed to have elongated, stretched as if he had grown. His six-pack and perfect pecks were still intact, though.

If you asked me, I would say that I liked the slimmer waist and well-defined shoulders and back even more. It was like Percy's body was always meant to look like this. I couldn't imagine him ever looking better.

"You're perfect," I whispered in desperation. Percy replied with a cold laugh.

"Perfect?" he asked bitterly. "I'm far from perfect, Jase." He pulled off one of those one-eighty mood swings of him, all pain suddenly gone. He took a step toward me, cupping my cheek.

"You, on the other hand, you are perfect." A small smile graced his face. "So innocent," he whispered.

"I'm not innocent, Perce," I said, my cheeks heating up slightly from the sudden turn of events. "I mean, we have fucked." His smile spread wider, but it kept the softness.

"That's not what I meant," he said before he clapped his hands together as if trying to snap us back to reality. "Since we didn't get the chance to go out yesterday, want to go out today?" he asked all happy and cheery again. He was very unpredictable like that.

"Sure," I said with a smile of my own. The whole body issue dilemma would have to wait for another day. "What you wanna do?"

"How about a picnic on the roof, and then I'll get you back to your books, I promise." He said with a wink before he pulled me out the door.