Safe, Sane and Consensual

"Jay, you good?" Percy asked, still perched on his hunches, not making a move toward me. I didn't know how to answer that question. I wanted to answer him; I really did. But how could I put the turmoil inside me into words?

"What the fuck was that?" I screeched. "Why the fuck did I like that?" It was rhetorical, but Percy answered anyway.

"Well, I didn't do it enough for you to feel any physiological effects. So, I think it's the psychological effects that get you off." He was making it worse. More heat was pumping toward my cheeks, and I buried my face into a pillow to cut the rest of the world off.

"We need to take a nap before the party," I said, lifting my head just far enough so my voice wouldn't be too muffled, then promptly crashed back into the pillow.

"Jason, we need to talk about this." I shook my head into the pillow.

"We'd be late for the party." Percy wasn't having any of that as he finally touched me again. He flipped me back onto my back and pinned me to the bed after ripping the pillow from my face. Somewhere inside me, a little gremlin was cranking the fibres of my being, leaving my whole body practically aching with tension. A tension I knew Percy could relieve. I didn't dare ask him to do it, though. I didn't even know what to ask for, really.

"I don't care if we're late for the party, babe," Percy said softly, hovering over me. "I need to make sure you're okay with what just happened."

"How can I be okay if I don't know what just happened to me?" My chest was hurting from too much damn anxiety, and my hands were shaking. Percy slowly cupped my cheek, thumb wiping away some wetness. Was I fucking crying?

"I could explain the science and give you my guess on why you reacted to choking. Would that make you feel better?" How was Percy this calm?

"Yeah, maybe?" Percy slowly got off me and lay down beside me, making me face him. He slung his arm over my waist and drew soothing patterns on my side.

"Okay, as I said, I think we can rule out the physiological effects. I really didn't cut off your air supply, so you didn't get lightheaded or a surge of endorphins throughout your body. So you didn't like it because of the physical effects. Which leaves us with the psychological effects."

My breathing was starting to even out. I scooted closer to Percy, pressing my face into the crook of his neck. Even though I was terrified of the effect he had on me, I couldn't stay away. He always made it better.

"My guess would be that you liked the trust aspect of BDSM," he said, his breath fanning over my cheek. My body tensed at that because that wasn't me. I was just a regular guy.

"Uh, what?" I leaned back to look at Percy. He looked confused as he frowned down at me. "I'm not into BDSM, Percy." Percy's confusion morphed into...amusement?

"What do you think BDSM is?" he smirked at me.

"Bondage, Dominance, Sadism & Masochism. BDSM," I answered, sitting up to look at him fully. "And I'm not into whips and chains!" Why would Percy ever even think I was?

"Oh, wow," Percy sighed as he sat up too, facing me with a solemn expression. "First off, BDSM stands for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism & Masochism. Don't drop the discipline and submission."

"Second, while some people enjoy the whips and chains, that is just one aspect of BDSM. There are a lot of aspects, some not even sexual, and you don't have to like or embrace every single aspect. You can choose what you're comfortable with. There's a reason the community's mantra is safe, sane and consensual."

"How the fuck do you know what their mantra is?" I asked, narrowing my eyes at him. He opened his mouth to answer, but apparently then realised what he was about to say because he instantly snapped shut. I really got nervous when he started biting his lip.

"Don't freak out," he pleaded, and a realisation hit me. I was up off the bed as quick as lightning. "There were a few requests from clients that required specific training, Jason. So I got that training from a professional, so I wouldn't hurt someone, so I knew how to handle it."

I started pacing, not quite sure what else to do. A soft, gentle stroke across my knuckles got my attention. Percy had scooted to the edge of the bed to reach me. His touch wasn't demanding. It was open, kind and inviting. I realised he was letting me make the decision. With a sigh, I took his hand, and his thumb instantly rubbed the back of mine.

"At its core, BDSM is about trust," he said softly, pulling me closer, and I let him wrap his arms around me. "It's about letting go of control, surrendering to a caring partner, and being held in a space of vulnerability. In letting go completely and trusting your partner, you can move into a space of exhilaration and sensation that is as healing as it is intimate and sensual."

"That sounds kind of rehearsed," I snorted, and he smirked up at me.

"It's true, though. And just so we're clear, we've explored some aspects before. Today was just a little more intense." I frowned at him.

"When?" He raised an eyebrow at me.

"I tied your hands behind your back the first time I blew you. I was handcuffed to the bed the first time you fucked me. That's bondage. Remember how I punished you at Thanksgiving when I didn't get my pie." Percy gave me a pointed smirk. "You know, just to mention a few."

"Oh, gods," I groaned, and Percy laughed.

"Most people actually embrace some aspect of light BDSM in their sex lives without realising, babe." He leaned up to leave a kiss on my jaw. "It's fucking normal, nothing to be ashamed of. It's all about communication and enthusiastic consent, though. You know, 'if it's not a hell yes its a hell no'. So, I'm sorry about not talking to you about it first. I shouldn't have just dived in like that."

"It's fine," I sighed. "You've had training, though, so talk me through it. Psychologically, why would I enjoy choking?" Percy grinned up at me.

"I can only guess, babe. I can't answer that question for you."

"What's your guess, then?" Percy bit his lip before he answered.

"I think what you want plays a little into the Dominant-Submissive dynamic. Not that I'm saying you're a sub or a dom," he clarified, and I nodded for him to continue. "Control has been forced onto you since birth. You've been expected to control your emotions, your actions and reactions as well as the people around you. You know, be perfect. It's stressful and tense. So your body starts craving release. You're like a bowstring, drawn back and pulled tight, and you need to let go. And you can let go by giving your partner control over you. But it's only effective if you completely trust your partner." It made sense. Why did it have to make sense?

"Okay, let's say I need...that...sometimes..." Percy smiled warmly at me.

"If you need to let go every now and then, I'll take control." I bit my lip. "But we're going to talk about it beforehand. Set hard and soft limits, establish safe words. I really don't want you freaking out on me again."

"You'd do that for me?" Percy frowned at me in confusion. "I mean, after everything you've been through, I don't want to make you do something you won't enjoy. Or something that brings up bad memories like when I tried to blow you in your mom's apartment." Percy slowly shook his head.

"For me it's different. The only reason I freaked out was that I felt like I didn't have control. Because of my past, I need control. And not just that, I love getting people off...while being in control, though. Like, I want to give but never have it taken, if that makes sense." I ran my fingers through his hair.

"It does," I said with a nod of my head.

"It took me a really long time to admit that I get off on getting people off due to the whole prostitution thing. I mean, I never liked getting a client off, but it was because I wasn't really in control of the situation."

"So, you're telling me that once again, we are absolutely perfect for each other," I smirked, and he beamed up at me. His hands slipped up the back of my shirt, his cold fingers sending chills through me.

"I guess so," he hummed. "Want me to finish what I started before we take a nap?" I grinned, remembering something he said about consent.

"Hell, yes!" He burst out laughing before he slipped off the bed and onto his knees. He looked up at me as his tongue darted out to graze over my hip. I tangled my fist into his hair, utterly ruining his freshly sheared undercut, complete with wave designs on the sides. Percy pulled down my sweats, wasting no time before using that sinful tongue to drag the head of my cock into his mouth. He sucked me with an urgency I haven't experienced ever before. Before I really had time to process, I was hitting the back of his throat.

"Fuck!" I choked on my own spit as his watery eyes met mine. He hollowed out his cheeks, increasing the suction as he moaned. The vibrations turned me stupid. My head fell back with a whorish moan, not being able to watch him anymore.

"Fuck, Percy! You're perfect, absolutely fucking perfect!" Another moan lit up my dick, and my climax hit me like a tidal wave. I came screaming Percy's name, his nose pressed against my abdomen. I felt his throat move around my cock, working to swallow and milking me dry. It made my eyes roll to the back of my head.

Percy popped off me, pulled my sweats back up and gently pushed me onto the bed. He instantly cuddled into my side as I tried to regain my breath. I opened my mouth to tell him I love him, but nothing came out.

"Shush," he coed, voice raw. "Naptime, babe." The exhaustion set in, and I happily chased the darkness.