MITSURU-WHO? OH! THAT GUY... OK

~~<>~~

???: LADY AQUA!!?

There stands a man, clad in a typical isekai mc armor, in front of us. He was looking kinda pissed and I don't know why but if I had to guess, it's probable because of Aqua because of how he screamed her name out of nowhere like that. Jeez... can't I catch a break today?

Y/n: yo! Dude, what do you want? We're walkin' ere

But the dude didn't listen. He just straight up walked over to us, grabbed Kazuma by the shoulders and started shaking him.

Kazuma: H-HEY!!! W-w-WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA!?

???: tell me! WHY DO YOU HAVE LADY AQUA!?

I just watch the scene from afar before leaning up to Aqua and whispering to her.

Y/n: *whispering* hey! You know this guy? He seems to call you lady Aqua... he seems to know you're a goddess, I think?...

Aqua: huh?... goddess?

Y/n: uhh..... yeah?

She then pauses for a moment until she regains her somewhat cheery/smug attitude as she exclaims to no one in particular.

Aqua: that's right! I'm a goddess!

Y/n: ' did... did she just?... did she just forget she was a goddess!? unbelievable... '

She then walks over to Kazuma and the other dude who, surprisingly, was still shaking poor Kazuma's brains out.

Aqua: How can this Goddess be of service to you good sir?

The dude then stops shaking Kazuma to look at our resident "goddess". Aqua then pauses for a while before she says her next line in a very monotone voice.

Aqua: ..... who are you?

Y/n: bruh.

Mitsurugi: w-wha!? it's me! Mitsurugi Kyouya! Don't you remember me? You reincarnated me and gave me this cursed sword Gram, remember!?

While this was happening, Kazuma was currently trying to shake himself out of his dizziness, kinda ironic considering he got dizzy from being shaken.

Kazuma: @_@ w-wha? Whas happenin' ?

Y/n: oh, you know... the usual.

Kazuma: oh. Who's that guy?

Y/n: I think his name was... Mitsubishi? M-M-manure tea? No that's not right... I don't know, I wasn't really listening.

We both look back at the scene to see what was happening. They were still talking with each other but I guess Aqua finally remembered who the dude was seeing as he wasn't explaining his life story anymore.

Mitsurugi: ... sure. It has been a while milady. And I'm fighting hard to save this world, to be its hero.

Y/n: Jesus Christ! The cheese man! God! I can taste it from here... fucking neck beard...

Mitsurugi: by the way... why did you look so traumatized, milady

Y/n: oh boy...

~~<>~~

Mitsurugi: WHAAAAT!? THEY DRAGGED YOU HERE AND BROUGHT TO A GOBLIN INFESTED FOREST AND LET YOU GET CAPTURED BY THEM AND USED YOU AS BAIT!!? THOSE MONSTERS!!! HOW COULD THEY!!!

Y/n: oh brother...

Mitsu- what's his name came over to me... only to turn towards Kazuma who was next to me, and started to pull on his collar.

Kazuma: HEY! Why am I the one getting picked here!?

Aqua: wait! I don't really mind it anymore! I am having lots of fun here everyday!

Y/n: yeah, besides, that was all in the past! We don't have to get caught up on that now do we?

Mitsurugi: AND YOU! I don't know how these two influenced your judgement milady, but you're a Goddess, remember! They're nobodies.

Kazuma: ' the mouth on this guy!...'

Y/n: okay, hold the fucking phone there Mit-mitsu-mitsubashi? Y'know what? Forget it. Who do you think you are calling me! A nobody! Cause from where I'm standing I can blow your ass sky high without putting much effort.

Mitsurugi: WHAT!? I am Mitsurugi! The legendary hero who is destined to save this world fro-

Y/n: yada yada yada, cut the high and mighty bullshit! No one calls me a nobody! YA HEAR!!! NOBODY!!!

Aqua: Please, don't fight you guys!

Mitsurugi: lady Aqua, please stand back and let me handle this Barbarian.

Y/n: oh! Now your calling me a BARBARIAN!? why I oughta!...

I was about to jump his ass, but was stopped by Darkness and Megumin who were holding me back to stop me from disarticulating the guys limbs before feeding it to a bunch of small dogs.

Darkness: calm down Y/n! please, I know you want to destroy him, and as much as I want you to, you can't cause a scene here in the middle of town.

Megumin: she's right, so just calm down will ya!?

Y/n: fine! Fine, I'll calm down.

Once I calmed down, they both finally released me from their grip. I then walked up to the guy and did what I needed to do.

Y/n: YO! MITSU-FUCK FACE! I challenge you to a rap battle!

Mitsurugi: a what?

The rest: what?

Y/n: shit! I mean, I CHALLENGE YOU TO A D-D-D-D-D-DUEL!!!

Mitsurugi: I see... very well! I shall accept your challenge. If I win, you will free Aqua from your clutches and give her to me.

Aqua: What!?

The rest: yeah, WHAT!?

Y/n: sure! But if I win, you'll have to change your name to something easy to remember, like, I don't know... Lord Douchebag perhaps?

Mitsurugi: L-L-L-Lord Douchebag!? grrr... fine! I accept your terms.

Y/n: great! Now shall we prepare ourselves?

Mitsurugi: we shall

With that, we both walked a fair distance between us. Kazuma then went over to me and asked me something.

Kazuma: you sure you want to fight him.

Y/n: sure I'm sure! Look, just watch.

https://youtu.be/AFa1-kciCb4

(play this for added immersion)

Suddenly a tumble weed goes by in the background as I stare directly at Kyouya. We were both waiting for the other to attack. Kyouya has his hand, hovering over his sword as I had my hand over my dagger, and yes, I have a dagger. Don't question it.

A bead of sweat appeared on the both of us as a crowd started to form around us. I was getting real itchy on attacking but stood my ground and waited and clearly he was too. The pressure went on for a while as we were able to hear the crowd whisper within themselves. One of us was gonna attack sooner or later and we both didn't want either to get the upper hand that way.

It went on and on... before he finally snapped and unsheathed his sword and raised it as high as he can before he let out a battle cry and dashed for me.

Mitsurugi: HIYYA-

*BANG*

*THUD*

(end music)

I had summoned a revolver and shot him right between his eyes. The shot wasn't powerful enough to kill him, but was powerful enough to knock him out. He landed with a thud as I stood there with the revolver up to my mouth before blowing the steam off from it.

Y/n: *blows* get fukin rekt.

The crowd then cheers at my victory as my friends came over to congratulate me.

Darkness: splendid work, Y/n!

Megumin: yeah! That was awesome!

Aqua: alright! You did it!

Y/n: aww~, thanks you guys!

Kazuma: you do know you brought a gun to a sword fight, right?

Y/n: well, we never said anything about guns being prohibited, right?

Kazuma: touche.

Suddenly out of nowhere, two girls shouted from the crowd. They stepped in front of the crowd to reveal themselves to us.

Y/n: Who the hell are you two? You two hookers or somethin'?

Darkness then hits me on the side with her elbow.

Y/n: ouch! What? They clearly look the part! I mean come on! Don't tell me that that! *points towards their outfit* is optimal for adventuring!

Kazuma: He does have a point there Darkness.

Darkness: Hmph!

Darkness just pouted and looked to the side while having her arms crossed like a typical anime girl who's embarrassed about something. It was kinda cute though, to be honest. But I had to turn away because of the two girls who started to state their 'opinion'.

Hoe 1: why you... Coward!

Kazuma: looks like their with this Mitsurugi dude

Y/n: who?

Kazuma: -_- the guy you just shot.

Y/n: oh, you mean Lord douchebag, right?

Kazuma: you know what? nevermind...

Hoe 2: you jerk! You jerky coward!

Y/n: wow! What an insult. Tell me, is that the only words in your vocabulary? Cause right now it kinda seems like it. I mean, "jerky coward"? what kind of an insult is that? Try being more creative toots.

Hoe 2: why you!...

Y/n: y'know what? I got no time for this. Kazuma, you can deal with them.

Kazuma: what? Why me?

Y/n: because man!... you know how to get rid of girls right?

Kazuma: -_- y'know that's not a compliment, right?

Y/n: of course I do. Now do what you do best!

Kazuma: *sigh* fine... well, as you can see, my friend won here. So buzz off.

Hoe 2: Wait! He didn't win! He used a different weapon in a sword fight!

Kazuma: ' Jesus... these chicks are so persistent ' but, it was never said that it had to be a sword fight, so technically, he didn't cross any regulations, so what's your point? And besides, I'm getting tired of this, so I won't hesitate to throw down with a bunch of girls, because I am a believer of true gender equality, so I won't have a problem with drop kicking a woman if need be. And right now, I could use steal and things could get real embarrassing and drafty for you!

Hoe 1 and hoe 2: Huh?/what?

Kazuma then chuckles darkly as he raises his arm and points it towards the two women, while moving his hand in a very suggestive and quite creepy way.

Kazuma: hehehehehehehe.... here we go ladies!~ hehehe hahaHA!

The two women then squeal in embarrassment and fear of the would be pantie thief. This continued for a few moments before the two women ran away in fear of the boy leaving us with a knocked out Mitsu-whatsit and three disgusted girls, a.k.a. the other team members besides me and Kazuma.

Y/n: well done Kazuma! I knew you could do it!

Kazuma: don't patronize me...

Aqua, Megumin: Eugh!... creepy

Darkness: what a brute!~

Then it was our turn to be disgusted at Darkness's apparent kink.

Y/n, Kazuma: *Shivers* Jesus Christ....

Now that there wasn't any more INCONVENIENCES, yup, no more of that. We finally continued on our way back to the guild.

~~<>~~

We finally made it to the guild. Me and Aqua immediately went to Luna to cash in our quest. After that, I then used the money to buy us all some food while Aqua just wasted hers on booze after booze.

Y/n: finally we're done with that whole thing! God, I'm exhausted

Kazuma: me too. But hey, at least I got this cool new sword.

Y/n: yea- wait, what?

I look over at Kazuma to see he was holding Lord Douchebag's sword or whatever.

Y/n: did you just fucking steal his sword?

Kazuma: I did, why?

Y/n: dude!...... How much do you think it'll sell for?

Kazuma: I don't know. I'll probably check in on that pawn shop later to see how much it'll go for.

Y/n: cool.

And with that, we enjoyed ourselves with the nice, relaxing night as we ate our food and watched on as Aqua blows all her money on booze again. man, i wonder what happened to that Verdia guy? naah, it's not like we'll see him again, right? Definitely!..... Definitely?.... Definitely. No doubt about it.

Verdia:

NOT AGAAAI-