Chapter 17 Kiss

Angelica

"I don't know what to do anymore, Rodrick." I whined, covering my face with my hands. I think I'm about to cry at any second.

"Bitch, I come here in the middle of the night with this?" Rodrick said. A part of me wants to laugh but I tried to keep it in, I didn't expect for him to come so fast and still have his face mask on.

As soon we finished the photoshoot, I was dead-ass crying inside my car and the only one I could talk to is Rodrick. When he heard me crying he panicked and came, He thought something happened to the photoshoot; He thought that I messed it up. But when I told him what actually really happened he calmed down.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to come here still with your face mask on." I pointed his face. "But thank you for coming." I sighed.

"Why are you crying over a kiss? It's not like you both didn't do it before." He crossed his arms and sat on my bed.

"That was all before, today is different, Rodrick." I said rubbing my forehead, "That wasn't supposed to happened."

"But it happened." Rodrick shrugged tapping the dried face mask on his face.

"But it wasn't supposed to happened." I groaned.

"But duh," Rodrick rolled his eyes, "It did."

I covered my face in embarrassment, how can I face him tomorrow? How can I handle the photoshoot?

With Rodrick's serious deep voice, He said. "Angelica. look at me." I looked at him, frowning. I know it's not that big of a deal but to me it is. "Why did you kiss him?" He asked.

"I didn't." I stated, disagreeing. "he kissed me first."

"Then why didn't you stop him?" He questioned, I don't even know the answer myself, "Angelica, why?"

I Look down, "I don't know." I whispered.

"We both know you can say 'no' Angelica. When it comes to Jeff you always say no and that involve sexual intercourse honey, Why is Nicholas any different?"

"That's the problem, I can't. I bumped with him in the mall a week ago - I think - and then today and then at the store, I'm avoiding him but it feels like he's the one trying to come at me." I said, frustratingly. "I don't want him anymore, I just wanna have some rest, I don't wanna think. I don't wanna breath around him."

"What did he say?" Rodrick softly asked,

There was long minute pause.

I finally opened my mouth. "He said he misses me. He said, Zeke was beautiful and he said that they have the same eyes."

"Do you miss him?"

I shook my head, "No."

Liar.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," I said, firmly. "Maybe I just got caught up by the moment. Maybe I miss being touched but I think that was it. I know there's nothing more," I said, convincing myself that I want nothing more from him.

"You better because," He pauses, "You may be my best friend but I'll be brutally honest with you if you're wrong. And that's how much I love you. Because if you want more from him, I'm feel so sorry for Jeff. He's nothing but a sweetheart, a gentleman and very very good at efforts. He didn't just courted you hon, he also courted your son. You should know how lucky you are to find someone like that." Rodrick stood up and face himself at my mirror trying to rip the dried face mask on his face.

"I'm not saying that Nicholas is a dick, we still don't know why he left. Every person has it's own story and a reason, Angelica. Ow!" He grimace as he ripped the face mask. "But that's your life. That's up for you to decide if you want to listen to him or shut him down. Ow!" He grimaced again, "But curiosity can killed a cat."

Throwing my head back, laying my back against my bed. "I hate you so much cause you're always right." I sighed.

"Knock and it shall be opened." Rodrick said.

I know he's referring to me and Nicholas. I know I need answers, my soul and mind wants to know why. "This is so stupid, I shouldn't be affected by this."

"You shouldn't, you have a boyfriend." Rodrick said, finally ripping the whole mask out of his face.

"Maybe I should sleep this one out." I sigh, "Your gonna stay tonight?"

"Is my toiletries still alive in your bathroom?" He asked.

I chuckled, "Yes it's still there." I looked at my watch, it's already 1 am. I have to be early tomorrow cause we're gonna shoot at the beach, we decided to shoot swimwear. "Do you mind if I use the bathroom first?"

"Go ahead." Rodrick said while patting some cream to his face.

I stood up from my bed and went inside the bathroom, facing the mirror. My eyes are swollen and red, I hate it when I cry, my eyes get puffy and I cry ugly. How come celebrities cry so beautiful, I could never relate to such a thing.

I tied my hair up and put on a hot shower. As I welcome the hot water dance through my skin, I feel a bit more relax but my mind never left the memory of us kissing earlier. I touch my lips and it remind me of his soft pink lips crashing to mine.

I close my eyes as I remember the way he caress the birthmark on my cheeks and the way he kissed my nose. As much as I wanted to admit that I don't miss him, I can't. I do miss him, I know my body wanted more. Nobody can satisfy and give me pleasure if it is not Nicholas.

Memories flash to my eyes as I cried almost every night wondering why he left me just like that. Was Zeke and I not enough for him to stay? If he was terrified, so was I. It's just so unfair that he never fought for me, for us and most importantly our son, Zeke.

I fought pregnancy alone. I went to the ER alone, I pushed the baby out on my own. I envy those people who has a husband that supported their wife's pregnancy. I know we were in our adolescence when that happened but at least he could have tried, right?

Wiping my tears, I stepped out and dried myself.