Chapter 17

I stood at Miranda's door and I took a huge breath of fresh air mentally preparing myself for the worst. As I was doing my mini ritual the door suddenly flew open.

"you really do like taking your time."

"How long have been watching me?" I asked embarrassed.

"you tried knocking three times and each time when I thought you would you go back to those breathing exercises you love doing."

It was embarrassing for anyone to see me in my state of dysfunctionality like that. Immediately I saw her my throat went dry and I could not let out any single sound from my mouth.

"do you want to lecture me about threatening my own father or not trusting you pick which one it is?"

"no-no, I just want you to trust us."

"I am listening."

"What can I do to prove my loyalty to you?"

she looked down and then back at me checking if I was serious about my proposal. she quietly directed me inside and made me sit at the couch silently. I looked at her as she went to her kitchen and brought out a gun. my heart started to beat at an exceptionally high level. I never knew what she wanted to do with me.

"hold this," she said handing me the gun slowly

I looked at it praying that she would not make me do something crazy.

"shoot me," she said seriously at me.

"what?" I asked mortified by her request.

"you heard me I said shoot me."

I stood up quickly and looked at her as if she had completely lost it.

"Cy you said you will do anything."

"well not shooting you. That is just madness."

she looked at me in my state of distress as if examining them. She took the gun away from me and looked at me once again as if she was solving an equation.

"fine let me give you something easier. Punch me in the face."

"why do I have to do any of this to prove that you can trust me?"I asked shocked by the request.

"it is the easiest way for me to find out."

"How?!"

"cy it does not matter if I trust you or not my feelings are not valid in this situation."

"So who is this for?"

"you are proving your loyalty to Gendwall, not me."

"I care more about you than Gendwall."

"The care you give me should be the same care you give to Gendwall. I need to see that you can inflict pain on me when needed for the sake of Gendwall."

"that is crazy. can you even hear what you are saying. that is blind loyalty..."

Miranda suddenly grabbed my shirt by hand and throw me back on the couch in pure anger.

"blind loyalty. I know what I am doing and what I have seen for a long time. I knew the people I left behind and those who were unable to protect themselves. I have seen bloodshed, I have experienced sudden bombings. do you know how many people die daily there? every minute we are talking is about ten lives lost. I am loyal to them because I want to make sure the future generation does not have to go through the pain I saw that is why I am loyal." she said with subtle tears forming in her eyes.

I looked away from her and I could remember seeing all those horrific footage of the war. it must have been traumatic for her to see all these things play out in front of her. I seriously could not be to fathom the pain she was going through. looking at her tear roll down her cheek and finally drop onto my shirt felt like I was seeing a ball of grief being released.

the grip on my shirt slowly became tighter and tighter as her more and more tears rolled down her cheeks. I looked at her suddenly releasing all the bottled-up emotions she was holding to herself. I wanted to be there for her even at painful times like that. I took her hand into mine and brought her into a gentle hug. I wanted to reassure her that I would always be there for her and she was not alone.

"I am sorry."

"don't be as I said I never came here to make you apologize for anything. I am here to make sure you see we are on the same side. I want you to trust us and believe that there are people there for you."

"How could you care for a horrible manipulative person like me?"

"We are all horrible people in this world."

"thank you," she said softly

Seeing Miranda break down her walls for a long time pained me. It was always an unsettling feeling to feel like a complete and utter failure in life. To feel like you were wasted space in the world. to feel that you were undeserving of life and legends who had fallen should take your place. I was no stranger to all these feelings and Miranda must have felt the same way.

Slowly her sobs began to disappear and I could feel her heartbeat slowly returning to its normal pace. we all needed a peaceful moment to cry in our lives to let out all the pent-up rage inside of us and to get what was disturbing us the most off our chests. My only hope was that I could always provide that to Miranda at times where she felt lost or out of control.

I looked at her and I could see the tiniest of sparkles in her beautiful eyes. the eye could tell a million stories and in Miranda's eyes in could see the story of hope, recovery, and forgiveness.

"if you tell Glenn I cried I will murder you," she said smiling as if she had not threatened to end my life nonchalantly.

"I would never," I said smiling and wiping a tear off her cheek.

she looked at me with tender eyes and then suddenly shied away from my gaze and moved over to the side of the coach.

"so I really am sorry for hurting you, Cy. It was just complicated."

"as I said I never came here for your apologizes I just wanted you to promise me two things if we will continue with our plan."

"are we adding that to the pinky promise?"

"no this is a special one consider it as a special chain being wrapped around your heart and if it is broken you will immediately die."

she gave me a weird gaze after my remark

"Oh, it was something I saw in a show. the main point this should be like a life or death type of promise, okay?"

"I have to hear what you have in mind before agreeing with your terms."

"number one trust no more sneaking behind each other's backs, two in no way should you purposefully inflict yourself any form of pain whether mentally, physically or emotionally for the sake of leaking information,"

she looked at me for a minute thinking about what I had said. Before I thought it would be hard to let her agree with those conditions but after she really let her guard down I believed that she would agree with me.

"well I think this is too uneven, if I agree to these terms you have to do the same especially the second one, I know well that both of us have been in pain and the same way you do not like seeing me in pain is the same way I do not want to ever see you in pain."

"Okay, I promise," I said holding my hand out for her.

"then it is a deal," she said shaking my hand

it felt like we both had to overcome major obstacles to push together but I was glad that we were being open to each other for his moment and I felt it was the necessary step we could take.

" by the way, I heard that your mother and dear sister Kim were around how are you holding up?" she asked clearly teasing me.

I had even forgotten that I had two other people to deal with.