When I have calmed my racing breath down and have gotten control of my emotions once more, I look more closely at the imperial couple. My head feels a bit clearer now. Less stuffy and stupid.
"You are the Emperor?" I ask.
"This Imperial Majesty," the man in the golden robes replies. "is indeed the Emperor."
"Please forgive the disgrace this nobody has made of herself," I begin to slide off the chair to bow but am held back by the new emperor's hand.
"No apology needed," the new emperor tells me. "This Imperial Majesty understands that you have not been well for a long time and that returning to this city and palace may be difficult for you. From now on, you do not need to bow or curtsey to anybody ever again. Not even the Emperor or Empress."
"This nobody thanks his Imperial Majesty for his understanding, grace and mercy," I bow my head, and then cock my ear to one side. "But why never again?"
"Nobody again. You are not nobody. You have done a lot for us without knowing it," the new emperor tells me. "This Imperial Majesty would like to show appreciation for all that you have done."
"This nobody has done nothing," I reply and grasp Gentle Whiskers' sleeves. Gentle Whiskers pats my hand to comfort me. "I don't even have a name anymore."
The Emperor blinks at me and exchanges glances with his Empress.
"When you were pretending to be the merchant, Miss Lin, and travelling to different countries," the Emperor leans forwards in his seat, his warm eyes meeting mine, "you frightened the Former Emperor and made him nervous when he heard about you. He thought you were building an alliance against him. This gave my father, General Huo," he looked at the still standing fierce man in beetle armour, "and myself the opportunity to plant many of our people in key positions. As the Third Princess Lin, after he had captured you, you defied him to the point of irrationality. This gave us the opportunity to put things into motion and start to restrict his authority, as well as undermine his support in the court. When you were broken and became Consort Tofu, you distracted him often and long enough for us to build an alliance through all levels and areas of government, as well as with other countries. Because of your story and what happened to you, we were able to gather support from all the people in our empire and surrounding nations without him noticing while he was busy trying to entertain himself with you. When you were poisoned and he hid you to use you as bait in a scheme to draw his brother out of hiding, his indiscriminate massacres provided us with sufficient reasons to remove him from the throne."
The Emperor looks into the distance as if seeing different people and a different time while he continues speaking.
"When you escaped, his distraction in trying to find you rather than keep control of the army helped us to win the war. Then you took him into seclusion with you and prevented him from coming out to try and regain his throne or fight us, allowing us time to bring an end to the war. Without him around, I had time to stabilise my position as the Imperial Majesty of the entire Empire. Without you, we would likely all be dead or living as prisoners under his iron fist. This Imperial Majesty, on behalf of our entire Empire, thank you, Princess Apricot Blossom, for being our rallying point and for your sacrifice so that the land may rest in peace from all the wars and bloodshed."
My trembling hands are covering my trembling lips. My eyes dart from face to face and to the door, measuring how far away it is. I want to run and hide. I don't want to be here anymore.
"You said you don't know your own name anymore," the Emperor gives me a gentle smile, "Let me gift you with your name and your title. From now on, I grant you the title of the highest ranking princess in the Empire. You are Princess Apricot Blossom. You are presented with the Apricot Side Palace as your place of residence for the rest of your days and all your needs will be provided for by the Imperial Palace. If you wish to get married again someday, I will arrange it for you. The Apricot Side Palace will be Imperial Doctor Guan's medical base, where you may live with all his family and your maids. A full complement of staff will be provided - and people will be sent to you and your maids, so that you may choose your own people. Your two current maids will be ranked as Noble Ladies from now on. Their husbands will be given positions as an Imperial Doctor and an Imperial Teacher. Their children shall be trained and educated to be noble children. Hopefully their sons will one day become my trusted ministers in the court."
"Deep breaths, my Lady," Gentle Whiskers prompts me. "Breathe."
"Too much," I tell the Emperor. "I did nothing."
"It is not enough," the Emperor shakes his head at me. "I won't allow you to refuse. If you want to give me anything in return, there are a few things I would like you to do." He smiles at my quizzical expression and gives a little laugh. "I want you to paint. Design jewellry with Jeweller Ping. Regain your strength and health. Have tea with people I would like you to meet and grant them new names as you see fit. Give us advice when we need it. You have permission to speak however you want with however much respect you think is deserved to whomever you like if they cross your path. You may report whomever makes you upset. What do you think?"
"Paint," I nod, counting on my fingers at each item. "Design jewellry. Regain strength and health. Have tea. Grant names. Give advice?" I pause and frown. "Not sure."
"All you need to do is what you can do," the Emperor says. "Do you think you can do that?"
"Do what I can do," I nod once more. "Can do."
"What is your name now?" the Emperor tests me like a teacher examining his pupil. "Where do you live?"
"I am Princess Apricot Blossom and I live in the Apricot Side Palace with Gentle Whiskers and the family," I say slowly, feeling the name settle into my centre and start to form a defined pearl. It feels right. It feels good. This is my new identity. I think I can live with it.
"And what do you do?"
"I..." I have to think for a bit. I know we were just talking about it but the memory is a bit vague. It hasn't settled into my understanding yet. My eyes brighten when I remember. Feeling very proud of myself for remembering, I exclaim, "Princess Apricot Blossom has tea with the Emperor!"