Chapter 27

1. A bus full of Nuns falls of a cliff and they all die. They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them "Sisters, welcome to Heaven. Before I let you in, I must ask each of you a single question. Please form a single-file line." And they do so. St. Peter turns to the first Nun in the line and asks her" Sister, have you ever touched a penis?" The Sister Responds "Well. there was this one time. that I kinda sorta. touched one with the tip of my pinky finger." St. Peter says "Alright Sister, now dip the tip of your pinky finger in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted."

2. Three men from the same city reach Heaven's Pearly Gates at the same time: Peter is astonished, as this has never happened before. He says, "I will remember this always! You MUST tell me how you each died!". The first man says, "Well, I'have a heart condition and. have been suspecting my wife of cheating. I come home early from work one day to find her naked in the apartment. I rush all over to find the scum she's sleeping with and find him dangling off the edge of our balcony. I stomp on his fingers and he lets go, falling twenty stories. He land in some bushes, so I grab the fridge and throw it down on him, crushing him. All the stress was too.much for my heart, so I died." The second man says, "I was cleaning windows on an apartment building when I slip and fall off my sçaffold. Luckily, I grab onto a balcony, but some crazy guy stomps on my fingers. I let go and fall.

3. An elderly couple walk into a fast food restaurant. They order one hamburger, one order of fries and one drink. The old man unwraps the plain hamburger and carefully cuts it in half. He places one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counts out the fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placing one pile in front of his wife. He takes a sip of the drink, his wife takes a sip and then sets the cup down between them. As he begins to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them keep looking over and whispering "That poor old couple - all they can afford is one meal for the two of them." As the man begins to eat his fries a young man comes to the table. He politely offers to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man replies that they're just fine- they're just used to sharing everything The surrounding people noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sits there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink. Again the young man comes over and begs them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman says "No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything." As the old man finishes and was wipes his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again comes over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asks "May I ask what is it you are waiting for?"

The old woman answers. "THE TEETH."