Chapter 65
1. Loki, the God of Mischief was flying over the streets of Mumbai one night. He sprinkled a little magic powder on two of Mumbai's well-known personalities and flew away awaiting the mayhem that would ensue the next day.
The next day, on the sets of Kaun Banega Crorepati (KBC) :
The producers are shocked, the contestants are shocked, the audience is shocked as they watch Mr. Arnab Goswami walk onto the sets and confidently take his seat on the host's chair. The producers are scrabbling around wondering what has happened but are secretly happy about the effect of this impromptu visit on the show's TRP ratings. Last night's roll-over contestant who had finally got a little comfortable on the hot seat is once again feeling the heat. He is frantically trying to recall if his intro video had anything incriminating, which this new host is likely to question him about. He quickly drinks some water to cool himself down.
And Arnab, being Arnab is super confident that after hosting News Hour, KBC is going to be a piece of cake. He begins thus, " I, Arnab Goswami, after 24 years in the media, after having given his life to serve the nation, sit here before you to conduct this episode of KBC. Let me tell you one thing at the start. Do not try to be aggressive with me, do not patronize me, and do not try to lecture me. I ask the questions, you tell the answers. Let's begin."
The contestant on the hot seat is sweating profusely. He gulp some water and clears his throat. Arnab asks him the question for Rs 80,000. He does not know the answer and has already used 3 of the 4 lifelines. He is about to ask for the 'Ask the Expert' lifeline, but he only manages to whisper with fear. Arnab says " Bhaisaheb, not only me, the ENTIRE NATION WANTS TO KNOW the answer … Zor se bolo. Yes, loudly.. Don't give me frivolous answers, tell me the answer now !!! "
BhaiSaheb drinks yet another glass of water, somehow gathers his courage and blurts out that he would like to use the expert advice lifeline. Arnab looks at him angrily as if he dared to ask for expert advice with the expert sitting in front of him, but cues onto the expert advice sequence anyways. The expert, a lady well known in her field for the bubbly personality, bursts onto the screen saying loudly and cheerfully," Hello, Mr.Arnab. What a surprise to see you here. How did you find your way into our sets today? "
Arnab looks at her as if he cannot believe what she just said. With a well-modulated voice, he replies " Look Madam, I will not compete with you in raising the voice. But I will say this to you. NEVER EVER… EVER AGAIN.. say like anything of those kinds of words to me. You will never ever say this again to an honest journalist like me."
The expert is shocked, insulted, and upset. She gets up and leaves behind an empty chair on the screen. The contestant who has controlled his bladder for long, runs out of the set and hopefully finds a washroom outside. The producers are wondering where the TRP's stand at the moment and if pressing the hooter and ending the current episode is a good idea.
Mr. Arnab Goswami calmly looks at the camera and says, "We'll be right back after this break. Stay with us .."
Meanwhile on the sets of Newshour :
Everyone is super excited to have the SuperStar of the Millenium, Mr. Amitabh Bachchan take his seat as the show's host. The panel members are all agog to get a chance to speak to him. Amitabh-ji begins "Namaskar Bhaiyon or Behenon. Mein aapka swagat karta hoon NewsHour ke iss manch pe. (I welcome you all to NewsHour)." And as is usual, all hell breaks loose. All panel members are talking and shouting at once and Amitabh-ji is confused as he is used to hearing only one contestant speak.
He manages to somehow calm them down and says, "Hum aapke saath ab khelenge fastest finger first. Aur jo sahi kram mein sabse pehle uttar dega, uske saath hum pehle baat karenge. (We shall play Fastest Finger First. The first person to answer correctly will be allowed to speak first. )
The Fastest Finger First question goes like this. "Order these events in Indian History in the chronological order of their occurrence.", followed by four answers. A couple of the panel members are confused, two are looking over their shoulders and the other three seem to be quickly scrolling through their phones for the answers. But soon the time is up and Amitabh-ji says " Fastest finger first ke results yeh rahe aapke saamne ( The results are here)". As usual, he sees the name of the contestants come up and waits for the green bands that light up the fastest person's name. To his surprise, nothing lights up. He waits for a bit and then surreptitiously looks at the producer. The producer shrugs as if to say, "Well, no one got it right." Amitabh-ji has never faced this situation before and quickly covers it up with a joke.
Now, as the fastest finger first has failed, Amitabh-ji decides to give each panel member 45 seconds to speak. He has his Chalpadi-ji(timer) with him, to keep track of the time. He poses the first question of the debate to the person representing a well known political party and says "Aapka samay shuru hota hai ab ! (Your time starts now.)" The politician begins, "Namaste Amitabh-ji, it is my very great pleasure to speak with you. I, my father-mother, wife and children are your world's greatest fans. I want you to…." ."Peeeeennn"… the hooter rings. Amitabh-ji shakes his head and moves onto the next person. The opposition party member says "Amit-ji, app inki baat na maniye. Yeh sarasar jhoot bol rahe hain. Yeh kanoon aur sanvidaan ke khilaaf hai … (He is lying. What he says is against the constitution.). Amitabh-ji is miffed and is relieved when the hooter rings for the second person.
He looks at the panel and sees a sensible-looking lady whom he decides to take a chance on. He asks her the question and she shouts, " Amitabh-ji, I request you to consider having a reservation for women on your show, KBC. In fact, I want to ask for Jaya Ji to be the host of the show. Women power - Zindabad. " Amitabh-ji is happy that she finished what she was saying in 45 seconds, but is definitely unhappy with the way the whole debate is proceeding. Before he can talk, the other panelists have taken exception to the lady's words and are shouting their objections at the top of their lungs. Amitabh-ji tries his best to calm them down and then roars out a " KHAMOSHHHH !!!", channeling Shatrughan Sinha. At this total un-Amitabh-ji like behaviour, the whole set has gone quiet and everyone waits with bated breath to see what he will do next. Amitabh-ji takes a deep breath, joins his hands together and says "Ooparwale ki krupa se, phir is manch pe hum dubaara kabhie nahin milenge. Dhanyawad. (By God's grace we will never meet on these sets again.)" and walks off the set as the scene moves on to an ad break.
2. One day, Mickey sat in the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse looking out at the humans who watched him on the TV screen. He saw them sitting together, laughing at his antics. Sometimes the mother could be seen feeding the little ones and sometimes the father would encourage a child to answer the questions Mickey asked. Mickey especially loved the houses which had windows near to where the humans sat. From these windows, he could see a different world. From some windows, he would see flowering plants and little birds singing from the branches, and from the others, he could see the hustle and bustle of a busy city road. From some windows, he could see the big blue sky with fluffy white clouds and sometimes the rain lashing against the window panes.
Mickey looked around him. He could not complain. His clubhouse was bright, cheerful, colourful, and clean. But it was boring. He longed to go out into the human world and experience it for himself. His mind made up, Mickey prayed in earnest to the God of the Cartoon World, who appeared in front of him with a loud boom and a blinding flash of light. Mickey put forth his request, which shocked Mr.God. He tried to counsel Mickey against it, telling him that dangers abounded in the human world but Mickey would not listen. Mr. God finally agreed, but there was one condition. In the human world, Mickey could no longer be a cartoon character. He would have to be in the form that the humans saw him in, which was a mouse. Mickey did not think that it was a bad thing and readily agreed.
Ready to go out into the human world, Mickey sat waiting for a perfect opportunity to step out. He picked out a family from where he could see a beautiful garden from the window. And when the little girl of the family sat alone to watch Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Mickey leaped out from the screen and onto the girl's living room floor. The little girl squeaked in surprise as colourful Mickey turned into a small brown furry mouse and landed in front of her, but intrepid that she was, she crept forward and patted his head. Mickey loved the attention. She went and brought a biscuit that she was eating, and fed it to him. Mickey had never tasted anything like it. He enjoyed it.
Then suddenly, she caught his long tail and pulled him along like a toy. But he was real and that hurt. Mickey tried to grip the floor with his claws, but they kept slipping on the polished wooden floors. "Ouch !!". Mickey's tail hurt a lot but he could not do anything but wait for her to stop. "Ma….look, Ma….look, " said the little girl as she walked into what looked like a kitchen. Mickey heard a terrifyingly loud sound as Ma let out a scream seeing her girl's new toy. The girl was so surprised that she let go of his tail and before Mickey could make his escape, "THWACK" a broom had landed next to him. Fearing for his life, Mickey scurried from the room, under the dining table, and then below the sofa. He was safe here for the minute as Ma tried to search for him. He looked at the big picture window with the garden outside. Luckily it was open. When Ma moved away in the other direction, Mickey gathered all his courage and ran across the room and took a flying leap outside the window. He landed on the soft grass on the garden floor and took a deep breath to calm his racing heart.
It was a beautiful spring morning in the garden outside. The air was filled with the sweet smell of flowering blooms, the sun shone brightly and lazy clouds floated on the blue sky. Mickey closed his eyes in sheer bliss and rested his head on his paws. A few minutes passed and he felt a rustle in the grass near him. He ignored it thinking that the breeze would have picked up as he rested. But he heard it again and he lazily opened one eye to check. He saw two green eyes glinting in the sun, long white whiskers attached to a black and white face with black pointy ears, and a giant black and white body crouched and ready to pounce on him. "CAT !!!" was his first thought, closely followed by "DANGER !!!" and "RUN !!!". Mickey fled from the grass just as the cat landed on the very spot where he had been seated. Then began a cat and mouse game as the cat chased poor Mickey all around the garden. Mickey saw a hole in the ground through which he felt the cat could not pass through and he jumped through it. And kept running till he saw that the big cat was no longer behind him.
Mickey found himself in a dark and smelly place and realized that he was in a drainage system that ran underground. He had no idea how to get out of there as it looked dark in all directions. He was tired after running for a long time and pretty hungry too. Also a little worried as to how to survive in this world which was so different from his. He sat for a bit, pondering his next move when he heard a squeaky sing-song voice singing softly. He crept slowly and peeped behind a metal pipe to see a beautiful scene. A mama mouse was putting her three little baby mice to sleep. They were huddled together in what looked like a nest made of shredded paper, cardboard, and straw. He must have made some noise as the Mama Mouse looked his way suddenly and then relaxed when she saw that it was just another mouse.
She made sure that her babies were asleep and made her way to Mickey Mouse. She introduced herself as Martha Mouse. Mickey was so happy to see a fellow mouse that the entire story of what had happened from that morning came tumbling out. Martha was very sympathetic. She decided to cheer Mickey up by showing him around the city and teaching him how to get around without being caught by humans or cats. First, she took him outside a restaurant where she helped him to eat the scraps of food that were thrown out near the dustbin. Mickey was not happy as he used to have a lovely table with beautiful crockery at his Clubhouse, but he had asked for this and he had to adapt. They watched from under the steps as busses whizzed by on the road, peeped out from drainage grates to see the malls and the beautiful buildings, and scampered across awnings looking at the various sights and sound the city had to offer.
Then Martha said that she needed to go back to the nest as her babies would be awake, hungry, and waiting for her. Mickey Mouse had only one thing to say. "Martha," he said " Your world is very beautiful, but it is not mine. I want to go back to my clubhouse and my friends. I miss them dreadfully. Please take me back to the house with the picture window." Martha was sad to see him go but agreed that it was the right thing to do. She took him to the picture window and they saw that the little girl was watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Mickey thanked Martha again and looked around to make sure that the girl's mother was not around. He ran quick as a flash and jumped back into the TV screen and tumbled onto the grass in front of the clubhouse where his friends were gathered around wondering where he had gone off to.
Mickey had a broad smile on his face as he embraced his friends and looked around his beloved clubhouse. The home was definitely the best place to be!