Chapter 40

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I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

Ahhhhhhhh.

I hovered my finger over the send button, and finally put my finger away once again.

I've been hesitating over this for the past 15 minutes.

It's so frustrating.

Should I?

My finger wavers over the button and inches ever closer.

I have to do this! If I don't I'll have to put up with competition.

I tap the button.

I throw the phone away. Oh no.

Not a few seconds later, I'm banging my head on the pillow.

Ahhhhh why did I send it? This is so shameful.

I jump on my fluffy bed and burrow myself inside the covers.

Nooo I have to delete it.

I slap my forehead repeatedly. I am so dumb why would I ever send this oh my godddddddd.

Where's my phone? Agh, I can't find it.

Okay okay, let's seem casual. I have to look casual. What's shameful about sending a text message? There's absolutely zero reasons for why I should feel like this.

Okay, I got this.

I grab my phone with shaky hands.

Sweat trails down my forehead as I open the messenger back up.

Okay, how do I seem more casual?

Emoji? Emoji!

I send a smiley face.

Aahhhhh this is so embarrassing! I throw my phone to the bed and it bounces on the bed dangerously.

Oh god, what am I even doing?!

I dive nose-first for the phone which lands just on the edge of the bed and I fall face-first on the bed.

I lay on the bed for a few seconds.

Sigh. I'm a total fool right now. Where's my composure?

I'm not like this.

I hate you!

Wait no, I don't! But you're... Agh! I hate this!

This is not me. What happened to me?

Why am I freaking out over everything?

I hear my phone ring.

Oh!

I jump over to my phone…

and it's not a notification from the person…

Sigh.

I lazily look at the notification, not bothering to respond to it at all.

He hasn't responded yet…

Does he hate me?

No! It's only been a few minutes. Of course, he wouldn't hate me. I think.

I sit around on my bed a little bored while anticipating his text.

What am I even doing? Let's get distracted with something else.

I grab my phone, turn on the computer, and sit down on my chair.

I glance at the phone again. Maybe if I think of a text hard enough it'll come?

Sigh. I look up at my monitor.

The phone buzzes and I shoot my hand up to my eyes.

Did it work?!

Sigh.

Am I sighing too much?

Why am I feeling so jumpy right now?

I lay my head on my desk as I wait for the computer to turn on.

He's probably still sleeping.

It is pretty early, right now....

…

He finally texted back. I felt a smile bloom as I read his message.

I slapped my cheeks and struggle to keep the smile away from my face.

Stop smiling!

He added me to the call with Reed. I'm not sure how to feel about this. Did he respond to Reed before he responded to me?

Understandable.

Wait what more people? Mmm… I don't know how to feel about this.

Okay well, the more the merrier.

...

He looked at us happily while we ate the lasagna he cooked.

I don't like lasagna that much but he looks really happy when we eat his food.

It tasted pretty good, I just don't like lasagna, though.

I'm sure the others enjoyed it way more since even I thought it was pretty tasty.

I nibbled on the edge and saw him glancing really quickly at me.

He turned away really quickly and looked around a little bit before settling his gaze on Callie.

And staring...

Ah, it's been a few seconds since he's been staring at her.

Charlie?

You're staring at her.

Does he like her?

Charlie likes Callie?

Callie and Charlie…

Mmm, I thought she liked someone else, though? And Charlie doesn't look like the type to like someone immediately after a week, seeing as how flirtatious he is.

Does he also talk to Callie the same way he talks to me?

Does he have a nickname for her like gym buddy?

Hmm, it bothers me a little.

I watch everyone gather up in front of Charlie and just wave in front of his eyes.

Do I like Charlie? I thought I did when I tried sending him the text on Saturday but now I'm not feeling much so I don't think I actually like him...

Maybe I was just feeling jumpy that morning?

Mmm. My mom did tell me it's at this age when things get reeeeaaally confusing.

I'll just have to keep thinking logically.

I mean they both can date and it wouldn't bother me too much. I think.

Yeah, I think.

I poke his cheek.

I'm definitely not glaring at him right now. I'm very much so not glaring at him.

"Natsumi you shouldn't have poked him…" I heard someone call out my name and my ears perked up but after hearing those few words my brain voided the voice out.

I poke his cheek again. I'm not glaring at him.

I'm not bothered.

…

He asked me for his Instagram before anyone else.

I lied to him and said I didn't.

I immediately regretted lying to him because he knows I do have Instagram.

I took a picture with him on Friday and uploaded it to my close friends story while he watched me.

Hehe, actually, my close friends list is empty, so no one saw.

He didn't call me out on my lie though, which is a little strange.

He just looked at me with an understanding gaze and just softly said 'Okay'.

I felt a little sad, but happy that he was understanding and giving me my space. He's very trustworthy and reliable...

Also, isn't his voice getting a little more… good sounding?

His voice sounds good.

…

I check my phone and see a notification from him.

He messaged me saying "heyy gym buddy".

It was a few minutes ago and it's close to 6 PM right now. Did he go to the gym early?

I typed into the phone.

I'm getting a little quicker now to type which is starting to be a relief.

I wonder how he doesn't get bored when we text? I take so long to type.

Sometimes, I just want to ask him to call but I think it would be a little awkward for me to suddenly call him.

I think he also doesn't want to call me because he thinks it would imply I'm a slow typer and that he's getting bored that I'm so slow.

Fortunately, I'm getting quicker. I think.

I waited for minutes but his text did not come back.

Sigh. He probably did go to the gym early.

I change into my gym clothes and quickly exit home.

"I'm going to the gym."

"Okay, be careful out there," my mom reminded me and I smiled at her.

-

I get there after a while and see him just sitting on the bench while staring at nothing.

I laugh a little. He always just randomly gets inside his thoughts.

Hmm, it's a little upsetting he did not respond to my messages.

I tap his shoulder. Tapping him there is where he reacts the least.

...

He walked me back home again after we finished.

I feel safer now, walking back home from the gym at night.

Getting a gym buddy is cool.

My mother noticed him from outside the window but did not ask about him at all, which is a relief.

I don't want to hear her teasing today.

She'll probably ask me who he is later, though.

She's asked me about other guys… who have tried walking me home before.

I did tell Charlie that he's the first one to ever walk me home but that's because he's the only one that's made me feel comfortable.

All those other times felt more like… them stalking me.

I would deny them but they would insist on following me.

It feels different like this, though.

He's a really great friend.

I definitely should not get into a relationship right now, though.

That's right, I have to focus on my studies and my career.

Yup, he's just my friend.

Just a friend. I try convincing myself, as I remember his smell in the gym.

Ugh! Was he right that I'm a pervert?

No! There's no way.

Shut up.

Shut up.

Shut up.

Stop thinking about those things.

Ah!

I bang my head on the pillow repeatedly.

Why did he look so sad after he called me a pervert, though?

Did I look that upset? I definitely wasn't upset.

Nope, I wasn't upset that he thought I was a pervert. Nope nope nope, I wasn't sad.

Not at all.

He looked so sad after he said that as if he had just done something unforgivable.

Well, that's something else that I know from him. Maybe he used to make people cry and now he gets really sad when anyone cries? Wait, I wasn't crying though. Not at all.

I'm starting to get to know him now though, which is really great!

I twirl around in my bed.

I'm not getting embarrassed as much anymore. This time I actually retorted back to him, and even won!

Ah, I still can't believe I told his sister I was his girlfriend when we were at the cafe.

That was so embarrassing.

It was a funny prank at first but I regret doing it now.

I cover myself with my bedsheets and hide my head inside the pillows.

What must his sister think of me? What if she thinks I'm a girl just looking to play with his feelings?

Wait no, I shouldn't care what she thinks of me. I'm just Charlie's friend, and he's just my friend.

I think.