Chapter 25: Lydia

I open the bedroom door to Sam's exuberant dog kisses. At least he missed me. I lie down on the lush carpet and let him cuddle while I run my fingers through his short black fur.

Then I cry.

I'm not sure how much time passes, when a quiet knock sounds at the front door. I lift myself from the floor and open the door to Raul. He hesitates for only a moment before his arms slip around me. The tears start again.

"Oh, baby," he whispers while rubbing my back with slow circles.

Sobs bubble up from my throat and spill over. Raul lifts me, and my strong submissive friend carries me to the couch where he sits with me on his lap. He places gentle kisses on my head. The truth spills out and I tell him everything about my night with Damian. With a last sniff, I admit I've fallen in love with the damn hell's spawn.

Raul squeezes me tighter. "He loves you too, Lydia. I don't know why he left without a word, but he'll be back. The man has eyes for no one but you. Even when you don't know he's there, he's watching. I'm also smack in the middle of the submissive grapevine and there's a gaggle of angry subs because he's off the market. The man is crazy about you."

Sadly, I'm too mentally fucked up to believe him. I've had so many issues in my life and body image is at the top of the list. I fought anorexia just as Damian accused me of. I still fear my body returning to what it was. I'm weak and a complete sham when it comes to being a Domme. I want a man to love me. Not my body, because I know how weak I am. Damian makes me feel beautiful now. The little fat girl inside wants to always be beautiful in his eyes.

Raul holds me while I cry through the painful what-ifs. When my tears dry, he feeds me and puts me in bed, where I sleep for the better part of the day. When the sun is going down, I shower and dress for work.

The club is the same, but I'm not. I need to finish this contract and get back home to my small apartment and the rest of my life. Our life-mine and Raul's. My eyes sweep the carousel looking for someone to take my mind off my current misery. I'm wearing a black leather corset and skirt, knee-high black boots, and I've left my hair wild and free. I also have on more makeup than usual because my eyes stayed red and puffy no matter how much I worked at being presentable.

After watching the carousel for ten minutes, I ask a shy guy named Tony to sub for me. I review his paperwork and we talk about what he's looking for. He likes extreme pain. His need isn't usually for me, but tonight I try. Halfway through the scene, tears build and finally my arm drops. I look around and see Kyle standing to the side as he had when he joined me for the other scene. I whisper to Tony and ask his permission to hand him off to Kyle, and he thankfully looks relieved. What we had going was not working for either of us. I toss the whip to Kyle and walk away.

Raul approaches before I reach the elevator, but I shake my head in a short, resounding "No." I go back to my room and change so Sam and I can run. We head out of the elaborate front doors of the hotel and take off. Within half a mile, I find my pace and lose myself in the world of breathing, straining leg muscles, and feet pounding the pavement.

When I finally look around, Sam and I are lost. The tall buildings don't look familiar and neither does the street sign I pass. Headlights a short distance away creep slowly toward us and my breath catches at the dangerous situation we're in. Not that Sam can't handle most situations, but I'm mentally kicking myself for this stupidity. By the time the long black limo rolls to a stop, I realize it's Carl and I'm able to breathe again.

The window slides down. "Get in," he says gruffly in a no-nonsense voice that pisses me off.

"I'll walk thank you very much." It would be really stupid to let him pull away without getting directions, but I almost do it. "Could you point me in the right direction before you roll along?"

His jaw sets and it's obvious he isn't happy. "You're not in the best area of town," he grinds out. "Damian will kill me if something happens to you. Get. In."

Oh my. Damian will be unhappy. Too fucking bad. "I think you have me confused with a sub. For your information, I'm not. I'll take care of myself and I have Sam here to protect me."

Carl makes a strangled noise in his throat and I almost think he'll get out of the car and pull a Damian on me. Sam might like him, but if he lays hands on me, it will be a different story. I would hate it if Carl lost an arm, but I'm standing my ground. He stares at me for several long minutes before he sighs. "I'll keep following. I'm armed and won't hesitate to use my weapon if you get yourself into trouble. Their death will be on you."

He's not joking, but fortunately I'm willing to accept the consequences of my actions. I still need time to process what's going on in my head. Carl points his hand to the right and I start walking in the direction he recommends. It's really not his fault that his boss is an asshole. Thankfully, no one stops us. From the strange looks we receive from the few people around at this time, a woman running with a Rottweiler, followed by a limo, is not normal for this area. Once we reach the hotel, I head straight to my room and fall into a deep sleep. I wake up in the afternoon and eat a light meal. My cell has multiple messages from Raul. I send him a text telling him I'll be back at the club for my shift.

I feel bad about the poor sub I turned over to Kyle last night and search for him so I can apologize. Once that's settled, I spend the night working scenes and talking to other dominants. When my shift ends, I go to my room and attempt sleep.

Rinse and repeat, I tell myself the next evening when it's time to work. I'm another day closer to returning home and I use that as my mantra to keep going. I find a submissive who's relatively new to the club. We work out the parameters of the scene and I actually feel a touch of excitement at helping her explore her limits. I start with a deerskin flogger on her thighs and ass. It's soft and has a good pop. The sound is half the fun and her startled scream at the first strike makes me smile. After I have her warmed up, I turn her on the cross and focus on her pussy and breasts. She's responsive. I check on her when tears fall down her cheeks.

"No, please keep going," she hiccups. Like me, she's using this lifestyle to work through her issues and I respect her tears.

The scene continues. I'm fully back in control with my feelings buried deep inside me where they need to stay. I'm not watching the crowd. My focus is all about my sweet new sub. I actually jump when warm hands come around me and pull me back against a hard chest. I don't turn and look because I know who has me. I want nothing more than to sink into his warmth and give in to everything my body needs. I can't, though. I need to guard my heart and put a stop to a certain Dom who's taken the joy from my world.

"Mistress Anna is taking over for you. You need to come with me and not cause a scene," he whispers.