Chapter 13: The Strides We Make, Part 1

The hell with that… she scowled. Yet as she rode the recumbent bike at the gym, Hayden couldn't stop thinking that the meaning of her latest affirmation was not quite so obvious. Friendship was based on trust and only a fool would trust a backstabbing she-dog!

She was back home and showering away the musk of her workout when she finally came to an understanding of the words that kept playing over and over again in her head. She was standing with her face turned to the spray of the water, feeling a calmness fill her as she reverted to a meditative state. It felt so good to feel her sore muscles being soothed by the hot spray. This calm was the way she wished to always feel.

Hayden's eyes suddenly popped open. So then why would she allow a person like Pam to affect her? Yesterday, she had almost lost her cool, until Brian called her over to his desk.

It was Pam's own sad fault that she was hateful. Besides, what did Hayden really care? That woman was so far beneath her that she didn't even enter her line of vision. There was just too much going on in Hayden's own life to waste even an ounce of energy playing get-back-at-Pam games.

Hayden smiled to herself, blinking her wet lashes. Yep, if a person doesn't negatively impact her, then it was nothing to treat them the way she would treat any other person, right? That was the real meaning behind the affirmation.

Hayden went through the remainder of her morning in high spirits despite the fact that it was Friday; the last day of a long, hard week and by all rights she should be utterly exhausted. She and Dani were hurrying back to work from a corner coffee shop where they had taken their last break. Dani was sipping from an obnoxiously large, whipped cream-laden concoction and Hayden grimaced when she thought about the amount of calories in just that one drink—probably more than she herself would consume in a whole day.

Yet Dani's voluptuous body was cute and bounced and moved in all the right ways so she was content with her weight. "Hayden, I'm telling you that this guy is gorgeous, funny, has a good job—seriously, you should meet him."

Hayden resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Dani kept bringing up this guy that was friends with her boyfriend. He was supposed to be tall, dark, handsome and single.

He had no children and… he was single. He was funny and… guess what else? He was single. Dani seemed to think that she needed to fall into line and quickly snatch him up before some other woman did. Dani didn't seem to understand that a love interest was the last thing on Hayden's mind—as if her ego could stand rejection from two men in the same year.

Hayden shook her head adamantly. "Nope. Not going to happen."

"What are you waiting for? You lost like twenty pounds and you're looking great. Plus it's been over two months since… well, MyKell left. It helps to have someone when you're getting over someone else, Hayden."

Hayden cringed at the sound of his name being spoken out into the air. "This is a horrible time to meet someone. I'm really super busy-"

"Yes you are! All you do is work and exercise. I mean I know it's therapeutic, but not if you're using it as a way to hide!"

Hayden sighed regretting that she hadn't told her best friend about her plans to disregard this entire year as just a huge stepping-stone to betterment. Then Dani would understand that there was nothing but self-improvement happening until she reached her goal. Deep down, Hayden understood that it wasn't healthy to completely detach herself from her own life. Yet, because of this decision, she had never once cheated on her diet or ended her workout even one minute before she was supposed to.

Had she tried doing this any other way then she would have already failed. If she failed… well there was just no reason to be. She would forever be that person that said she would lose weight; that made the New Year's resolutions, that paid good money for the diets, but who never followed through.

So if she couldn't find some sense of self-pride, then the woman that she had turned into would always disgust her. This throwaway year actually gave her life a purpose. It was penance, reward and self-discovery, and failure was not an option!

Hayden took a deep breath and met her friend's eyes. "I will meet this man, but only when I've met my personal goal. Not one moment before."

Dani smiled. "That's all I want. We should go shopping this weekend. Your clothes are too big."

"What?" Dani was really dropping the subject that easily? Hayden cringed again. "No shopping. I still have a long way to go before I spend money on clothes."

"Uh… then it's time for you to start digging through your old clothes for the smaller sizes. Because pretty soon, your pants are going to fall down right around your ankles!"

Hayden patted the belt that was cinched around her waist and hidden by her blouse. She knew that the material was bunched together and hoped that it wasn't too noticeable. Obviously it was. Well being unsightly was not in the plans! So this weekend she would make the time to go down into the basement and dig through the plastic containers full of her old clothes.

Hmmm. Maybe Dani was right. Hayden should spend some money on some new outfits. After all, she was going to need running shoes if she was going to do the Zombie Run. Yep… it was time to go shopping.

"Alright, Saturday we're hitting the mall," Hayden finally conceded.

Dani beamed and gave her a side-look as if she had something up her sleeves.

Hayden narrowed her eyes. "I mean it Dani. I'm not meeting that guy until I'm ready."

"No, that's fine! I'm just happy we're going to hang out this weekend."