Chapter 17: Perfectly Imperfect, Part 1

Hayden couldn't hide the grimace on her face as she headed for the vending machines. She carefully studied the contents but there was absolutely nothing even remotely healthy inside of any of them. She finally settled on two cartons of orange juice. She would have gone for a carton of skim milk but couldn't see the expiration date and something told her that she really shouldn't trust the milk in the vending machine.

She was about to leave when she saw Brian waving at her from a table where he sat alone smoking a cigarette. She waved back and he gestured for her to come over. Well, why not? She never took breaks and everyone else got up at least once an hour. Mr. Fox didn't seem to have a policy concerning breaks—evidenced by the amount that Pam took.

"Hey Hayden."

She sat down across from him. "Hi Brian, how's it going?"

"Pretty good." He picked up his pack of cigarettes and offered her one.

She shook her head. "No thank you. I don't smoke."

He took a last puff and then smashed it into the ashtray, turning his head to blow the smoke away from her. She opened one of the cartons of OJ and downed it hungrily. Her stomach groaned loudly and Brian gave her a shocked look.

"Oh, I'm sorry! That was just my stomach!"

He smiled in amusement. "Yeah, you're hungry."

She shrugged but was happy to see him smiling. He always appeared so somber, and when he smiled it changed his face completely. He was too pale, too thin, but suddenly he was also kind of cute.

"I didn't have time for dinner," she explained.

"Orange juice for dinner?"

"Well… I'm trying to eat healthy. So…"

"Ah. Right. There is nothing healthy to be found in this room."

She opened the second carton but was a bit more ladylike as she took a small swallow. "I hear there's going to be a big bonus in a few weeks. A thousand bucks," she said.

"They do it every month, or something close to it."

"I bet you've won it a few times."

He smiled and looked down. "No. I've only been doing sales for a few weeks."

She frowned at him, not believing what he was telling her. He knew too much about everything.

He noticed her look. "Well, I've been with Fox for years but not telemarketing. I delivered the phonebook covers and…" his voice softened. "Sometimes I'd pick up the money from the customers or just… whatever needed to be done."

She was curious about Mr. Fox and why he came down so hard on Brian. However, Hayden had no intention of being nosey.

"Do you like working here?"

His eyes flitted away before settling back on her.

"Not really." He looked at the clock above the door. "I better get back."

"Yeah, me too."

She followed him back to the work area, checking the board for sales as she headed to her desk. She slumped down into her chair and was trying to concentrate on the phonebook when she caught a movement in front of her desk. She looked up in time to see Brian heading back across the aisle to his own desk. She looked at him curiously before noticing that there was a big golden delicious apple on the corner of her desk sitting on top of her inbox.

A smile tugged at her lips and when Brian sat down and looked at her she mouthed, "thank you." He nodded and put the remainder of his bag lunch in one of his desk drawers. She picked up the apple and rubbed it on her pants before taking a big bite. She decided that she liked working at Fox Vinyl.

Long after the apple was eaten, Hayden's head was buried in the phonebook and she was lost in thought. Unfortunately, they weren't work related thoughts. She hadn't made a sale all night and she only had an hour left on her shift. She just couldn't seem to get it together. Instead of seeing the businesses listed on the pages, she kept thinking thoughts that were best left buried.

Like, what did that other woman look like; the one that MyKell preferred over her? Did he miss Hayden at all? Did he even think about her?

She was struggling with these thoughts when she felt someone standing in front of her desk. She looked up to the sight of Marcus. He was smiling at her.

"I was just checking that you hadn't fallen asleep sitting there. You've been looking at that same page for five minutes."

How would he know unless he was watching her for five minutes? She offered him a weak smile and then returned to the phonebook, making a point to turn the page. When he didn't leave she looked up again.

He leaned down and spoke in a semi-low voice. "Look, I don't mean any disrespect but you look very down and if you need a pick me up, you just let me know. I have pills or weed or whatever, okay?"

"Oh." Her eyes widened. "Okay…"

He winked and walked away.

Her brow furrowed. Good God, what was she going to do about this man trying to push drugs on her? She didn't want to have to deal with this every freaking day, especially with everything else that she was dealing with. She closed her eyes and tried to think of one of the affirmations that she had saved on her laptop, but she could not bring even one of them to mind.

Hayden had given into her tears as she lay curled in bed later that night, calling them for what they were; tears of loneliness and shame. She was ashamed that she still loved MyKell and disgusted that she wanted him to beg her for forgiveness. She would forgive him too because living with her weakness was far better than the feeling of rejection that lay curdling inside of her belly.