Chapter 18: Luis

Lena and I have our first fight as a couple. It's two days after we talk, start laying out a plan. We're in the kitchen eating warm tortillas with scrambled eggs and pico de gallo. It's all I know how to cook. Lena can't cook at all. She says cold cereal counts as cooking and I disagree. Cold cereal does not count as cooking.

But that's not what the fight is about.

The staff are gone – a paid week off. All told to leave. No one is in the house but the two of us. Lena is naked except for a T-shirt of mine. It swamps her, but I think it makes her feel safe and I'm fine with that. It's a stamp of ownership for me that she's dressed in my clothes, even if it's for my eyes only or maybe because. Maybe it's her subtle way of submitting to me.

Right now, Lena and I are at a crossroads. She's in the kitchen because the staff are away. She rarely leaves the bedroom and only for short periods of time when the house is empty. She's uncomfortable with her new status as my woman and I haven't yet clarified what her status actually is with the household staff. It's intentional and she knows that. Until my father's murder is resolved, no one can know she means more to me than a simple fuck.

The fight isn't about us, but about my fear for her. She's smart, strategic, good words, good advice. I like everything she's saying except one thing. Her intention to be involved. When I say no, she gets fierce.

"Why Luis?" she argues, her face red with annoyance. I'm proud to see this defiant streak. It's not a characteristic she displayed, even before I locked her in the basement. "I'm trained, I'm lethal. I'm a fucking weapon. I could take out most of your men before they realized they were dead."

That pisses me off. I get in her face, using my height and bulk to intimidate. "Don't be so fucking arrogant. You play a game that works sometimes because you're a beautiful woman. Yeah, it worked in the warehouse, but what if it didn't? Then all three of us would be dead."

The thought of her lifeless body chills me, steals my breath and freezes me for a moment. I'd come so close to losing someone I hadn't even realized meant this much.

She disagrees, standing in front of me, arms across her chest, mouth tight, stubborn set to her chin. "No. If they didn't take me to the back room, I would've still opened fire. When the guy hit me and I fell, I had access to my gun and a knife. If I'd been able to cut my hands free, I would have taken the fuckers that were over you and Manuel first, then the guy that hit me would have died with my knife in his chest, then the other two."

My stomach coils at her words. "Then why the fuck didn't you? If you did that, Manuel would still been alive."

Her eyes drop from mine and I see her falter. Ashamed maybe, at her course of action. "I weighed the odds. There wasn't much time to make a plan. I thought if I separated them, we'd have a better chance of all coming through alive. Better than if I assaulted all five at once."

Something about her words pierces me. "You sound like a machine."

That jars her and she fires back. "I'm not a machine. But I'm highly trained, highly intelligent. Do you want me to be more coy for you? Do you just want a woman, a warm body to fuck?"

I grab her head between my hands and shove her back through the kitchen until her back slams against the island. "There's nothing wrong with just being a woman, Lena. It's what I want. Not a fucking death dealer." My anger is surging, burning through me. "But a warm body to fuck? If I wanted that, I could go anywhere for it. I don't need to help myself to my father's leftovers, to the leftovers of dozens of men."

I don't really know how to be gentle, how to treat a woman. I always imagined I would be married to a suitable woman. I would make love to her like a good husband should and then go use a whore to fuck the beast out of me before returning to my wife. But Lena. She's all I want, no other woman, and she brings out my savageness. I'm not sure I know how to love her.

Tears spark in her eyes as her hands come up to my chest and she pushes me a couple of feet back from her. "Fuck," she says softly.

I've hurt her and fuck me, if it doesn't tap at my conscience. Fucking woman getting inside me like she does. "I own you, sweetheart, but maybe you don't get the other thing about this. I don't want anyone else, no other woman. You're more to me than a warm body to fuck and you know that. The idea of you getting hurt or dead rips at my insides. I don't want you in the line of fire."

She trembles as she regards me with her dark soulful eyes. "You're waking me up, Luis. I need you more than you know, I can't stand the idea of being without you. I can't even let my brain go to that place. It's the same for me too. I don't want you in the line of fire, because if you die, then I may as well too. Why can't we go down together?"

I walk away from her, go to the window and stare out at the estate. The gates, the guards, the dogs. Always living on the edge of death anyway. And Lena, I went from hating her to loving her, such a thin sharp line. It's easier to hate than to face the truth sometimes. Maybe I always loved her, just didn't want to acknowledge it. But I'm facing it now and with love comes fear and vulnerability. I can't lose her, and I can't let her be used against me. She says she's a weapon, she has no idea how true those words are.

In the end though, I relent. But it's a bitter concession because I think I'm not much better than my father.

"But you are," Lena says. "You're letting this be my choice. And you're promising to care for me even if I fail."

She's right, but I don't point out that failure is fatal either way. I make her promise that she will follow my lead to the letter and if I tell her to step down, she will. She agrees and she means it, but I wonder in the heat of the moment if she'll forget her promise and try to protect me. I tell her what logically makes sense. "We can't protect each other, Lena. We have to trust that we can both look after ourselves."

But it's bullshit. I too think I would rather die than lose her.

I call Arturo home. He's been in Los Cabos getting shit-faced and laid, stupid bastard – he has no idea how to protect his back. It's time to put him in his place so we can move forward. I've identified the men who appear to be loyal to Arturo and the men that dislike him without reserve. It surprises me, but maybe family connections blind a man. Our men either love Arturo or hate him. There doesn't seem to be a happy medium. Of course, I love him. Of course, Lena hates him.

But we don't let this divide us.

I recruit two of my best men. Juan, who is loyal to me and not completely put off by Arturo. He will be the spy in our camp, the liaison so I can keep abreast of how things unfold at the estate. And Emiliano will take lead on the preparations for the assault. I need my men separate and away from Arturo's. I need them to be ready, stay safe and not trigger happy. Emiliano is good for this job because he's a soldier, understands orders and follows them. It won't matter if I'm hanging in chains over a vat of acid. Emiliano will not move in until I say so. I don't want Arturo dead and I make this clear to my men. It's important to me that we all have an opportunity for revenge.

I will be the bait. And Lena will be the ghost in the room.