Chapter 15

Jane studied the plate of cucumber sandwiches, a little smile tugging at her lips. Cucumber sandwiches. Wasn't that so English? Her stomach rumbled, and she succumbed to her hunger and reached for one of the perfectly cut little pieces.

"Gotcha." Bastian chuckled from somewhere behind her.

She whirled around, a sandwich stuffed in her mouth and guilt heating her cheeks. After swallowing she apologized.

"Sorry, I'm starved." She half turned and picked up the plate, offering him one.

He selected two and set them on a small plate for himself. Then he crossed the room to the cabinets on the far wall and retrieved two wineglasses, filling them.

There was something so intimate about the two of them alone in the kitchen, ready to share a meal. It wasn't at all what she had expected when she came here. It was one of the things she and Tim had often done. Meals, just the two of them in cozy little pubs in Charleston on the holidays. It made her heart ache and twist because she missed the man less than the intimacy of just being with someone. She had to be careful. She didn't want that intimacy ever again, even as much as she missed it. The thought of losing someone she loved over all the strange happenings in her life tied to Stormclyffe hurt too much.

She shivered, realizing she still wore his coat. She would return it, soon, but not right now. Surely there was nothing wrong with wanting to savor a few more minutes of being enveloped by a coat that bore his woodsy, masculine scent. It was soothing and enticing, like her own personal catnip.

"So, tell me about yourself, Jane. I realized today I know very little of you except for your academic interests, of course." He slid her glass close to her hand. Their fingers met on the glass's stem, and neither of them pulled away for a moment. It was Jane who finally broke the contact, and she wished she hadn't, but she desperately needed a drink. She wasn't great at small talk. With Tim, everything had been so easy; they'd had so much in common. But Bastian was a stranger, one she felt drawn to in ways she never had felt with Tim. What could she say?

I'm just a girl who had an average, happy life but always felt I belonged somewhere elsebelongedhere? It sounded silly, and if she was going to start talking about herself, she needed a few sips of liquid courage. The wine's bouquet was heady and rich. She thought she tasted a hint of cherry and oak.

"Not much to tell really. I'm from Charleston, South Carolina."

"Siblings?" he prompted and then took a bite out of his sandwich.

"One brother. Garrett is four years older than me. He can be an idiot at times, but a loveable one." A little smile curved her lips.

He grinned devilishly. "That explains your instinct to punch my shoulder whenever you're losing an argument."

"Oh?" She tried not to laugh, but she couldn't help herself. It was true. She punched Garrett. A lot. He was always bullying her whenever they argued about something, and socking him was the best way to distract him. It was a habit she'd never really outgrown.

"A close friend of mine has a younger brother and sister, and you remind me of them." The soft smile that played on his lips melted her inside. He seemed genuinely happy at some secret memory from long ago. What she wouldn't give in that moment to discover a way to keep him smiling like that. It was a beautiful expression on his face, and someone blessed with that nice of a smile should have a reason to always be smiling. Yet, she knew only too well after this afternoon's research that smiles from Bastian were few and far between and hard-won if they came. There was so little for him to be happy about. It was obvious that wealth and title did not equal happiness. It was one more reason she was curious to know who would bring such fond memories and soft smiles to his lips.

"Who is it?" she couldn't help but ask. She desperately wanted some insight into his life and his past.

"Rhys Wolfe. You have probably heard of him by his title. Viscount Wolfe. He's a fellow schoolmate of mine from Eaton and later Cambridge. He's a good man. His younger brother Owen and his sister Chloe are quite the pair of troublemakers, always have been. They perfected the art of outnumbering and outmaneuvering Rhys at every opportunity, much to the hilarity of us watching whatever scheme they had concocted unfold. Afterward, they would insist it was Rhys's determination to be the perfect elder brother that inspired such a need to rebel and cause trouble. I sometimes wish" He caught himself and with a rueful shake of his head, covered his lips with his wineglass, and drank.

She swallowed hard as she resisted the desire to ask the question that would prompt his answer. Perhaps if she changed tactics, she could get him to come back to it.

"What's it like? Growing up and living in this world?" She gestured to the kitchens.

"Being an earl, you mean?" He laughed softly, but there was no joy in the sound. Only pain.

"Try to imagine a dozen responsibilities, duties, and worries and multiply that by a thousand, extend it to a lifetime, and you'll have some idea of what being an earl is like. I spend most of my time worrying over issues in Parliament and my estate. I have to worry not only about my own needs but those of whom I employ." He raked his hands through his hair and then planted his elbows on the counter and continued in exasperation. "It's like running a bloody miniature country. Frustrating as hell," he growled. "The only time I ever was able to focus on something outside of my duties to my lands and title was when I was away at university."

Comprehension flooded Jane, and visions of the websites and news articles she'd read about him flashed across her eyes. A piece of the puzzle of Bastian Carlisle fell into place at last.

"That's why you pursued such extensive studies. I wondered at the number of degrees and the depth and complexity of your education." She slapped her hands over her mouth when she realized her words sounded like an insult.

His lips kicked up in a wolfish grin as she blushed to the roots of her hair.

"I mean to saythat ismost people in your position wouldn't waste time" That didn't come out right either. She felt like an idiot.

He reached out and brushed an errant lock of her hair behind her ear, still grinning that devil's grin. "I know what you meant."

His touch made her skin tingle and her body flush, as his fingertips coasted over the sensitive shell of her ear.

They were so close on their bar stools. If she moved an inch, their knees would touch.

"Learning was my only solace, my only freedom." He bit his bottom lip, appearing equally thoughtful and bashful, which turned out to have the most devastating effect on her body. Little shivers and heat flared and fired beneath her skin like sparklers on the fourth of July. She moved without thinking and reached for his bare forearm. His muscles jumped at her touch but he didn't draw back.

I shouldn't touch him. She knew it. Her head knew it, but her heart, still bruised and bleeding wanted so badly to connect to him, even if it meant risking itself for more hurt.

"It sounds very silly when I say it out loud," he mused and shook his head. The action was so disheartening that Jane acted on pure instinct.

She caught his face in her hands and pulled his head down to hers, kissing him. For a long second, only her lips moved, enticing his to respond, and then it was as if she'd unleashed a wild creature. Bastian caught her by the waist with one hand and by the nape of her neck with the other as he dragged her off her stool and onto his lap, forcing her to straddle him. The stumbling action of their coming together had him laughing against her neck as he steadied her. Then he took possession of her mouth again.

She was alone inside her head; no phantoms chased her and pushed her away from her own body. This wasn't like the drawing room. There was only this wild, raw kiss that felt as old as the stones on the cliff and as unceasing as the waves battering the rocks. Each nibble, each lingering lick and feathering of lips was alluring and dangerous. The need to be with him, to get closer even when their bodies touched everywhere, wasn't enough. And it was only a kiss. When had time shattered and the universe shrunk to just two bodies pressed together, two mouths fused as one? Never in her life had Jane experienced such a moment. It terrified her. Being with Tim hadn't felt like this, not even close. But like Tim, the earl thought she was nuts. I need to stop. I need to break away from him before I lose myself.

But it was too late; she was lost. His kiss would haunt her more than any spectral woman in white or leaping shadows. Her feelings, the ones she had refused to accept, were now forced into the light and could never be buried again.

As their lips parted reluctantly, he brushed her hair back from her face, his fingertips lingering on her skin and threading through her hair. That tender, intimate gesture squeezed her heart like a fist. Feeling this way, it was like a knife slicing small cuts on her soul. The pain wasn't there right away; it grew slowly as some rationality returned. This wasn't real. Whatever was between them was merely chemical attraction. He might have done this with many women before herplay the wounded Byronic hero and they'd all fall into his embrace. The realization left a bitter taste in her mouth and an ache in her chest.

Still, his passion-darkened eyes and ragged breathing were a sensual symphony. Their foreheads touched, and his hands massaged her shoulders in slow, methodical, soothing strokes. He nuzzled her, his face brushing against hers as he shut his eyes and exhaled. Jane gazed in rapt fascination at his incredibly long lashes, a deep gold like his hair, as they fanned out over his proud cheekbones. He was so beautiful it hurt her to look at him, yet she couldn't tear her eyes away.