Chapter 13: The Mom, The Girl and The Fever

When we came out of the church I was scared shitless. I didn't even know whether I wanted a kiss from this girl or even what my intentions with her were anymore. We were about to exit the fenced yard in front of the parish when I heard behind me: 'Mr Sarpaulis?' I turned and saw this woman calling for me. Her face looked familiar, but my heart skipped a beat thinking I had to pretend I knew this lady for the next few minutes. But then I looked down and saw this young girl trying to keep up with her and saw the little girl was Melinda, and so my two degrees of separation concluded that this would have to be Morata Hoakes, Melinda's mother.

'Mr Sarpaulis? Sorry to bother you. I saw you seated in the stalls... Hello!' she then went and greeted Audrey, while trying to catch her breath. 'I just wanted to apologize for Melinda's absence these past few months.'

'Oh.'

'We took her to a doctor and her back is much better now, but I tried to talk to Principal Bale and she's never available, so if I could just ask you to take it easy for the next couple of weeks. She's a great kid and all and wants to learn...' and she paused because she was running out of air. But I think she's slightly affected by the circumstances and all'. I looked down at the little girl and she did look paler than the last time I had seen her, but, then again, she had just sat through an hour of Father Mitchell's sermon.

'That's all right. Melinda told me the other day. Actually, I understand how hard it is to concentrate with a bad back. I have one of my own...'

'And if you would be so kind as to talk to your fellow teachers, I would really appreciate it', Mrs Hoakes continued, not showing any interest in my own back. 'You are the teacher Melinda likes the most, and I saw you tonight, and I think God wanted that it happened this way, that I talked to you and you talked to Principal Bale', and I wondered whether she'd said the same things to other teachers she had tried to coerce before me.

'Also, I apologize for Melinda's outburst tonight. Like I said, she's had it a bit tough these past few weeks, and the pills they gave her, they said, might affect her mood.'

'Her outburst?'

'Well, she shouted at one point during Father Mitchell's service. I think she's running a bit of fever', she said as she pressed her palm against Melinda's forehead.'

'No, don't worry. It made it more fun'. And I decided to stop there, because I didn't know the religious credentials of the family Hoakes.' What did she say?', I continued.

'I don't know. She wouldn't say. She says she doesn't remember anymore. Is that true, Melinda?'

'Yeap. Did you like my pendulum, Mr Sarpaulis?'

'Yes, I loved it. I want you to bring it back so we can display it for a while, in our classroom cabinet. What do you think about that?' And maybe Mrs Hoakes was right. She did like me a bit.

'Yes, I would love that.'

'Good. I'm sorry to have taken so much time', the woman said and she had the general air of someone not preoccupied with anything else but her family. 'Thank you, Mr Sarpaulis! Miss. Come, Melinda, let's get you in bed for tonight! And I'll make some hot cocoa. What do you say?' and she left with small steps, perching her back while holding the little girl's hand through the crowd. She looked like a mother completely caught off-guard by the scale of the things she'd just mentioned. Also, I could read a crumb of desperation in her eyes.

'Sorry about that', I turned and smiled to Audrey.

'No, I'm sorry I made you sit through this. You are a little girl's favorite teacher.' and she smiled and changed the subject, and that was all that was important to retain from the conversation we'd had with Mrs Hoakes.

'Nah, she just needed a favor'.

'I think she really likes you. I like you. Come, you wanna take me home, right?'

'Yeah. If that's okay with you?'

'You ask too many questions. You should be more assertive'. She'd hit a vulnerable spot. I had been letting things happen to me rather than the other way around, but I was saying 'yes' to things more often and I did go to Tahoe yesterday, out of my own initiative.

We walked past the dark cottonwoods which bordered both sides of Audrey's street and thought of ways of showing my assertiveness, but, on a closer inspection of her face, I saw it wasn't the right time for that. She was starting to look rather bleak and her eyes were showing an almost completely different form to the one I usually see, like a cat's pupil dilating, and I could see something was nagging at her and that she was not in the mood for me, anymore.

'I'm sorry. It's not you. I'm just furious with Father Mitchell's attitude.'

"You only see this now?", I was thinking.

'That fucking idiot needs a kick up his butt and one of these days I'm gonna give it to him. Mark my words! You just don't go treating people this way. That's the problem when you have the ordinary Joey in town suffering from the God complex. Everyone is too scared to stand up to him.' And then she puffed... 'I don't know. You get to Barnes and Nobles, you pick up any good book there, and, what do they tell you? They tell you that any sunrise is great, that water sprinkles life into a tulip in all the right proportions, that the good guy always wins and that everything is sprinkled with pixie dust and tinsel.

"The good guy always wins."

'Yeah... but only that he doesn't. Why don't YOU do something about it then? You've spent over ten years of your life agonizing about finding your place and never found the momentum to act upon anything. What has this amounted to? You see what I mean? There is always a cold wind blowing from somewhere, a sort of unexpected draft, like coming from a window somebody left intentionally open and is now blowing away all the sheets of paper you'd spent hours piling on top of one another. What a joke! And I thought I was the mess... I think I'm fine from here. It's not that far. Thanks for the day.

And, just like that, she left, and I stood there on the sidewalk, immobile and unable to take a step in any direction.

I had spent the entire day following her revelations, judging, taking it all in and pondering whether she was the right girl for me, only to find that I was on the receiving end of the same thought process. She had been doing the same work throughout the day and had reached a verdict far sooner than I could've imagined or been able to do myself. The verdict had been 'guilty' but the court was now adjourned for the sentence. I only wish I had the power to move away with ease, from all this, but I find myself attached through so many strings that it would take a ridiculous amount of time to break free, through all of it. And I kinda needed the break tonight, when I was left totally despondent in the middle of the road, with my entire life 'on hold' - the real life, independent of this girl. The life you need to build on your own, before you wave the flag of courtship and woo princesses with dark horses and thrifty armor.

And now, still no news from her. I'm not able to sleep at all. Even more strangely, I'm not tired at all. I will be teaching in a couple of hours and wonder how that's gonna' go. I had heard the same speech tonight Ella had already given me, some time before we'd gone our different ways. Only that it took Audrey a few months to be able to read me and, not, as in Ella's case, seven years.