Chapter 14: Confession

A year passed, and things went back to the way they were before she left. Francesca resumed doing normal things. Collecting eggs from the chicken coop, doing chores around the ranch and helping at the Mission with her childhood friend, Cecily Chen, was now her new normal. She discovered that she especially felt needed in the classroom with pre-school native American children. She had a natural talent with children. They offered no threat to her person and only challenged her ability to practice patience. But she wanted more. Her beauty was becoming even more evident when young men that worked around the Mission could not keep their eyes diverted. She showed a passing interest, but only thought of Chico Standing Bull as a possible suitor. The more she learned about her feelings, the less she knew as to who she really was. She asked Abuela, as to what she knew of her father. What did her mother say about him? What was his name and where was he from? Abuela only offered the same answer, she always did before, “You are Ha’Na Panai. daughter of red wolves.” This didn't satisfy her, so she decided to ask her uncle, Father Paolo.

Father Paolo, it was rumored by the community, was the only person who knew her father, but held that secret for unknown reasons. He was a hard man to pin down. His duties at the mission were numerous and it seemed that his days were filled with church business morning until night. When she would attempt to get his attention, he would dismiss her as nothing more than an impetuous teenager. When she persisted, he scolded her for continually missing mass and foregoing confession. His continuous stalling gave seed to an idea. If confession was the only way she could get his undivided attention, then confession would be her solution to get his ear.

Francesca suspected Aunt Estefania blamed her for the rape. Robbie told his mother that Francesca seduced him and that led to other things he didn’t have control over. Fearing the truth would be revealed he made his mother promise, that his uncle, Father Paolo was told this. Robbie’s version of the rape was that it was purely consensual, and she couldn’t be trusted it wouldn’t happen again. Francesca also suspected Father Paolo believed Robbie’s version. These suspensions led Francesca to plot a plan. She would confess to whatever Father Paolo needed to hear, to gain his confidence. God knew the truth, but Paolo would never accept it.

The days leading up to the Feast of the Immaculate Conception of the Virgin, the Mission chapel would be sparsely populated with parishioners that would strip away their pride and admit to transgressions that ran the gamut from stealing eggs from one neighbor to give to another's wife; a thinly veiled liaison of adultery between consenting sinners and petty squabbles over bingo winnings. Father Paolo heard them all and would instruct the confessors to say five Hail Mary’s, ten acts of contrition and two "Nuestros Padres” and don't forget the church basket on Sunday!

On a fog-laden December day, Francesca arrived early morning and sat at the beginning of the cue for confessors. When it was her turn, she entered the confessional, knelt and waited for the sliding screen to open. When it opened, she knew it was him by his voice and profile. She clasped her hands in prayer and spoke directly through the screen.

"Bless me father for I have sinned. My last confession was when I was still a child.”

Father Paolo, recognizing her voiced reacted mildly triumphant, but not surprised.

"Please tell me child, what is it that you wish to confess?”

“I have had impure thoughts about boys, but I did nothing wrong, Father, and boys took advantage of me."

" Do you mean you had sex with boys?"

"My Abuela told me, sex was as a thing of beauty, but this was not! This was horrible.”

“Why did you allow a boy to have carnal relations with you if you did not want it to be so? Isn’t it because you seduced this boy?"

"I was raped Father!” Francesca retorted.

"Please don’t lie, child!”Paolo replied. “You used your feminine wiles to corrupt an innocent young man. He wouldn’t have laid a hand on you, unless he was provoked. Remember it was Eve who forced Adam to eat from the tree of knowledge, not the other way around."

Hearing what she needed to hear; she now knew Father Paolo believed Robbie’s version of the rape. Anything she said to try to convince him otherwise, would fall on deaf ears. The walls of the confessional no longer offered absolution but gave her a beginning to her quest.

"My child you must atone for your sins and make amends with persons or person you have defamed. Only if you do this, you will receive God's forgiveness. Is there anything else you must confess? Remember you are in the house of God.”

"Yes Father."

"Tell me child."

"Do you know who my father was?"

"Francesca! this is neither the proper time or place to ask these questions,” he replied in a scolding tone. "I am simply God's surrogate for your confession. I’m not your uncle behind this screen, but Gods servant.” Father Paolo paused and then asked. “Why do you need to know this?"

"It will help me, to know who I am."

"You are Francesca Da Rimini. I gave you your name when your mother wouldn't."

"Yes, I know Father but that is just a name. I want to know who my father was. My mother told me you were the only one, who really knew him. I will not rest unless you at least tell me a name, please give me something!"

"Francesca, you must promise, that you do not tell anyone in the family if I tell you."

"Oh yes, I swear Tio, I swear on all things holy."

"Do not blaspheme child! I will tell you but first do you confess to seducing an innocent boy?"

"Yes Father" "

“And do you confess that it is your sin, and your sin only?"

Francesca didn't have to think long to answer. She knew it was a lie, but it was what she had to do, to gain Father Paolo's confidence.

"Yes father" for that I am sincerely sorry."

"You are forgiven child. Now go and sin no more."

After Father Paolo finished with confessions, he met with Francesca in the rectory office. He gave her a yellowed envelope addressed to Florenzia Da Rimini, her blood grandmother. It was postmarked from an address in the Guadalupe valley of Mexico. She scanned the letter leading up to the signature and stared at the unusual name. Ursula Sakharov-Mendez (mother of Aleksander)

. Dearest Senora da Rimini.

It is with great relief and joy I write to you. My dearest and most precious son left us nine months ago and we did not hear from him until now. My husband and I feared the worst, until we received his post from your winery. He apologized for his poor communication, to let us know where he was, and what he was doing. He explained that he needed to make his own way in the world and that was why he left. He said he tried his hand at many jobs but came to the realization, that he knew the grape growing business best. I obtained your name and address from his correspondence. He said he was hired by the Rimini Wines of Santa Barbara as a picker. In your employ he realized that he missed our little winery and wished to share with us what he learned and in turn share with Senor da Rimini the type of grapes we grew. Senor Rimini dismissed his overture as an attempt to infringe on his enterprise and suggested he stick to picking grapes, which was what he was hired to do. This caused him to lose heart, so he decided to leave your employ. You can imagine the joy we felt that our only son would return to us and carry on with our traditions and livelihood. I would stop now if this is what transpired. When weeks went by and he did not return, we worried. My husband posted a letter to your company as to when Aleksander left Rimini Wines and we received no reply. We telephoned your office and inquired as to the status of our son. We were told not to call again. We decided to travel to Santa Barbara and meet with you and your husband in person, but we received a long-distance call from our son in Lompoc. He said his plans changed because he had met a young woman and had asked her to marry him. He said he was going to ask for her hand in marriage and had plans of asking her father’s blessing. He explained to us this young woman's name was Sorpresa da Rimini. We are thrilled and can't wait to meet her and her parents.

I remain your friend in Christ.

Ursula Sakharov-Mendez (mother of Aleksander)