Chapter 19

(December, 8 – Wednesday)

"You've been quite down lately. Something going on?"

Tsuna looks up from where he's tucking away the last of the napkins that are always present on the tables for the clients to use. Chiara-san is leaning against the counter, looking down at his kneeling form with a curious expression that just barely hides the concern forming between her eyebrows.

"What do you mean?"

She raises an unimpressed eyebrow. "Don't think I haven't noticed how you both have been on the clouds these last couple of days, staring on space and whatnot."

"Er. Both?"

"Yeah," she says, using the action of pushing a strand of hair behind her ear to glance at the side where Zaid is setting the chairs up on the tables so they can sweep the floor later. "Zaid's been more into the thoughtful and worrying kind. You? You just have a raining cloud hanging above your fluffy head, which is sad to see this close to Christmas, so what's up?"

Tsuna glances up at the air above his head, not really thinking he'll find anything weather-related but still making sure. He knows at least two Mists and his life is weird enough for him to be surprised if he does find a cloud hovering above him. His worry makes Chiara giggle which is rude but understandable. He kind of envies her ignorance and the fact she's avoided direct contact with the craziness he's had to live with, in these months they've known each other.

"… I'm fine."

"Uh-huh."

Tsuna looks away from her unimpressed face with a little too much panic. "Really, I am! I just—Well, a couple of friends I'm used to seeing around traveled abroad and won't be back in a while and…"

And what, really? It's not the first time it happens and sleeping alone is not exactly unusual as he always does it every Saturday night, but he still feels deeply affected by their rather sudden absence. Maybe knowing it'll be long it's what makes him feel this glum and unsettled, which he finds rather weird—

(It isn't weird, his Intuition hisses)

—especially when it turns his usual mild headaches into something painful and makes obvious the cool ache inside his chest that's supposed to be warm are harmonious, reminding him of all he left behind just because of his selfishness because he couldn't accept life's unfair and simply let go. Memories of the whole 'Arcobaleno Representative' business, especially the last battle, flood constantly into his thoughts, leaving him anxious and so, so tired.

It's becoming a shore to wake up early and stand up to do start his day because of this…emptiness. Not that kind that threatens to swallow you whole but the contrasting kind that's more of a heavyweight on top of all his body, making everything harder to do and constantly slowing him down with how it aches. His shift at the bar lifts up his mood because his friends distract him from his wandering mind, unlike his morning job that is too silent and boring as he works alone, cleaning rooms in which he does nothing but think of his flaws. Meanwhile, in the nights he uses the privacy he now has to let out his flames, a grown Mamoru sprawled across his bed, close enough to hide his flames from the outside world without actually suppressing them as he normally does in his necklace form. It helps with the sudden unrest of his flames, but not by much.

He's not been this annoyed at his cowardice and impotence ever since he first encountered Kawahira-san in Italy the first time around and he helped him control his flames.

A hand settles on his shoulder and he almost tenses in surprise. "Natsu?"

Tsuna looks at Chiara, loosening the tight hold his fists have gained thanks to his thoughts. Her worry is clear now and Tsuna can't help but lean lightly against her arm. Her flames are inactive and weak, not enough for him to draw comfort from them and just for him to know she's a Sun, but still familiar.

"I'm fine. Or at least better now," he says and this time it doesn't feel like a lie. He sighs and removes her hand with a gentle motion. He stands up and looks at Zaid who is finishing with the last chair.

Chiara is right. His friend looks… not worried. Nervous? Anxious maybe? It looks weird in such an easy-going person, but that's not really important. What is important it's that he's been so wrapped up in his own thoughts he hasn't noticed his friend needs someone to talk to.

Like you, something in him says.

"He looks stressed," he ends murmuring, ignoring the voice and settling the clean glasses at one side instead. "I don't think it's about his family though or guy looking for revenge. He would have told me if it's anything about her grandma and I know the look of the latter."

Chiara blinks at him ignoring the second part, "You know her grandma?"

"Yeah. I actually met them separately when I was in Naples and later found out they were related. I used to help her find Kiko, her cat who loved highs a little too much to be healthy. She was the one to offer him to come here to work with Giorgio-san. He kind of dragged me with him, something about if he goes down, I go down too."

Not to mention that by saying how nonna Roberta 'offered' he means she 'ordered' Zaid to move out seeing as his growing reputation as a good conman was attracting the kind of trouble she didn't want for her grandson. They actually met because of a game and it was only thanks to his Intuition, heightened that time at horrendous levels, that he could win and not end getting robbed. Zaid was impressed and since then tried all the tricks he knew to gain some money from him. Because he's weird like that. How they turned out good friends, that's something he's still confused over, but going on by Chiara's hum she's probably already getting some weird ideas.

Chiara nods absently. "Both of you need to unwind a little. We should go out again, maybe to some club."

"A club?"

"Oh, don't even put that face. Zaid already told me all about your adventures in those places. Quite boisterous for a, what, sixteen-year-old at the time?"

"Wha—Okay, no. Whatever he told you, those are lies. He's a lying liar that lies and exaggerates everything!"

"So you've never left to someone's apartment after half an hour of socializing?"

"That, that was one time. And she was just asking for directions!"

"But there were times you never returned back, apparently."

"Well, in those months I didn't have an official home so…"

Chiara's lips tremble with what he can see is the beginning of a smile. "…so you took advantage of other's people beds?"

"I didn't do that!"

"What then. Did they take advantage of you and didn't let you leave after leading them to their homes?"

"No! No, okay, but. Uh. It was more of a mutual… agreement?" he says the word with great reluctance, knowing it's not the best one as soon as it leaves his lips. "I mean, I've been told I make a really good pillow and people can get a really good night of sleep with me around."

Which is most than likely attributed to his flames and still sound horrible out loud.

"Oh my god. That sweet face hides it, but you're a little man-whore!"

"Hush!" He slaps a hand over her mouth, looking towards the door where Antonio-san is pilling the new coffee beans. When he's sure they're not being overheard, he turns around to hiss, "I'm not a man-whore! I just had—uh, bedmates!"

Chiara-san giggles as he pushes his hand away, but fortunately her voice lowers into a whisper. "So you've never 'helped' a guy return to his apartment and then disappeared for all night only to return super refreshed the next day with your clothes ripped?"

Oh fuck. He's never going to get rid of that story no matter how many times he's tried to explain that nothing happened.

"I-It's not what you think."

"Zaid said it was the most calm he's ever seen you. You were practically glowing. And had a limp."

Well, yeah. The guy was a Rain, but he couldn't really add that to his explanation and how accidentally activating one's flames produces a backlash to the nearest people around. Tsuna, being the only one in that apartment, got everything, and, well, the guy had to have really strong flames to manage calming his, at the time, wild ones. It turned off the Hyper Dying Will state he was living for the first time since coming to the past, making him fall unconscious. He woke up alone, but considering the guy was in some sort of Dying Will mode before Tsuna fell asleep, he wasn't surprised to not see him the day after.

The hole in the window was a bit worrying because they were on the fourth floor but there wasn't any blood on the ground so he's sure the other managed to live. Though sometimes he does wonder what happened with the guy after he escaped so he wouldn't answer any flame-related questions.

"Earth to Natsu? Did you get lost in your fantasies?"

He shakes his head to clear it. "Nothing happened! Just believe me when I tell you I didn't sleep with the guy. I don't want another Zaid bothering for that… incident."

"Okay, okay. So does that mean you've never had sex with one of your 'bedmates'?"

The use of finger quotes is not necessary, nor is her disbelieving raised eyebrow, but Tsuna is trapped and he knows it. He sucks at lying and his blushing face probably revealed already everything. Is not like he can explain that he was practically on autopilot those months and just hovered around the most powerful inactive flames in a subconscious way of searching for his lost Elements. That he got used as a pillow or as someone to cry on was of no importance, neither was the people that obviously wanted a little more than the company. He even admits he appreciated sometimes that more because it offered more physical contact and that settled his flames a little more than just sleeping next to a person did.

… He may have been a little of a man-whore.

"Aw. You're so cute covering your red face and all."

"Shut up," he says, trying to go for harsh but thanks to his hands it comes muffled and whiny.

"Why are you all hiding here? Anything to share?"

Tsuna lowers his hands, ignores Chiara-san's amused expression, and waves at Zaid weakly.

"Just talking about going out again with Natsu here. Some club this time. What about this Saturday, you can get some fun playing games, I can get to dance, Natsu… can pick up someone. Everyone gets their fun, what do you say?"

"I'll not pick anyone!"

"Yeah, Chiara, Natsu doesn't pick up anyone." His admonishing look doesn't lift up his mood, mostly because he can see the mirth in his tired eyes. "They all flock around him for a chance. You haven't seen it. It's awesome."

"Another reason to go out, then."

Zaid's expression becomes troubled before he smiles. It's not like his usual enthusiastic expression but at least it's genuine. "Sure. I still need to learn Nat's technique, after all."

Tsuna wants to protest, but he's taken aback by how obvious it is that Zaid's worried about something and how he hasn't noticed before. Her grandma made him promise he'd take care of him and he ignored it to brood because Fong and Renato are gone. They aren't his only friends, how could have he forgotten that? He really needs to clear his head and search for what's going on with him, true, but he also needs to be more aware of his surroundings and his other friends.

(He ignores the voice whispering how he already knows what's going on and that he should stop being in denial as he usually does)

He sighs but gives them his warmest smile. "Just don't make me dance. I'm really bad."

He receives two grins that promise trouble.