Antidepressant Withdrawal (4)

Once alone he tried to ignore his heart's beat as he looked around but found nothing. He decided to walk at a faster pace towards his room, expecting to see him there. He swallowed once he was outside his door, noticing how his hand trembled slightly before he decided to open; sighing in relief when he saw Lucifer on top of the bed, wearing clothes similar to the one he had.

Aaron closed the door and scoffed when Lucifer patted the spot beside him playfully. Without any warning, Aaron climbed the bed and surprised himself when he separated Lucifer's legs so he could lie on top of him, his head on Lucifer's chest.

He swallowed when he realized what he had done.

"Are we feeling a little bold today, aren't we, Aaron?" He could hear Lucifer's smile in his voice, a hint of concern in it, too. Luckily, he didn't do any more comments about his weird behavior, which Aaron appreciated. "Is something wrong?"

Aaron wanted to tell him how utterly lost he had felt the last few days, how the times where his anxiety grew were becoming often; but he didn't want Lucifer to think that he was losing it, like Aaron already thought. Lucifer noticed how uncomfortable he got by the question so he tried to distract him by sliding his hand on a spot of free skin his shirt didn't cover, making Aaron jump at the coldness of Lucifer's hand.

"You told me that today it was your turn to talk with your doctor, how that went?"

Aaron sighed in relief when the other hand moved towards the back of his head. "Well, he finally asked me subtly if I was hallucinating."

"And you didn't tell him about me, I assume." Lucifer hummed. "I feel a little left out, you know."

Aaron scoffed a laugh as he stood up slightly to settle into a more comfortable position, trying to ignore how his head hurt whenever he moved. Lucifer's eyes were filled with amusement as he saw him trying to not lean with all his weight. He placed a hand on Aaron's lower back before he pulled him in. Aaron yelped and his elbow saved him from falling completely into him but made him closer to his jaw.

"Hey!"

Lucifer kissed his cheek, easing the pain on his head. "Don't be afraid of placing all your weight on me, Aaron."

Aaron blinked as his mind went clearer, less throbbing, and distracting. I made him realize of the position they were in; the warmth of Lucifer's legs spread at his sides, the way his chest moved from his chuckles, the bulk of Lucifer's crotch against his stomach. Aaron swallowed and tried to move differently, it only brought his own closer. Lucifer's quiet laugh near his ear made it worse.

Feeling his face and neck burning hot, Aaron blurted, "I can't have sex."

Fingers taped on his side and Lucifer's head moved at the side to chuckle. "Oh, I like where your mind is going," he said, his head turning towards him, brushing the side of Aaron's neck with his lips. Lucifer hummed and Aaron swallowed when fingers trailed down his spine, lips moving close to his own. Aaron's hand went towards Lucifer's hair, but before he could lean forward, Lucifer retreated with a smile. "I was referring that your weight doesn't bother me, though. I've lifted heavier things."

Aaron's head fell on Lucifer's neck.

"Oh, fuck, I hate you." Aaron's voice came muffled and even if it didn't bother Lucifer, it was still a little odd to put all his weight on him considering that Aaron was a couple of inches taller, but the cool skin felt really nice.

"Aaron your temperature keeps rising," he said when Aaron pressed his sweaty hand on the back of Lucifer's neck. "How are you feeling?"

"I think I've got the flu." His throat felt dry and sore; his body, heavy all day. It wouldn't surprise him. "It'll be over tomorrow, you don't need to heal me now."

"You don't wish me to heal you?" There was worry in his tone.

"Well, your skin is really cool and I'm─" Aaron cleared his tone. "It feels a little nice."

A yelp escaped from his lips when Lucifer's hand moved under his shirt, going from his lower back to his shoulder blades. "So, you prefer to suffer like this than to let me ease the pain in your head? That can't be healthy, you know."

He took a deep breath. "Can we continue what we were talking about?"

"If you want." Lucifer chuckled. "Though I'm really curious, if you've let me stay with you to watch a movie while all the other patients were around us, does that mean that your dear doctor doesn't think that you're hallucinating then?"

Aaron turned his head so Lucifer's shirt wouldn't bother his breathing. "Well, I think he still suspects but he probably bought what I told him about practicing some conversations so I could get used to talking with others."

"That's not a lie, you do that, and I think it's far more peculiar than having hallucinations."

Aaron frowned at the wall. "Yeah, my doctor now thinks I should make friends outside the hospital; maybe reunite with some of my Stanford's ex-classmates."

"Oh, yes. I haven't seen any of them in all the time I've visited you," Lucifer commented. "Not even when I appeared in the old house."

"I, well, I don't wish to see them." He flinched at how coward he had sounded to his ears. "They don't know I'm here."

"Why?" Lucifer asked, playing with Aaron's hair with his free hand.

For some reason, Aaron remembered the calls he and Marus, his brother, used to have his first weeks in college. The usual topic was how both of them considered weird to spend so much time in one place: Aaron in college and Marcus working. They were already used to move around because of their Dad, so it was understandable. He had tried to fit in but never felt really comfortable in Stanford until he had met Erika and it became easier to be around others, but almost two years had already passed since he left and he no longer saw the point in returning when he had finally managed to leave that life behind.

"I think I wouldn't know what to say if they asked me what happened or how am I," he answered honestly. "They're a reminder of what I lost and I think it would hurt to see them. I miss going to classes, though." Aaron's face returned to Lucifer's shirt to confess something he had never told anyone, "I want to keep studying."

Lucifer hummed against his hair. "Do you plan in returning?"

"Not there," Aaron answered a little too quickly, feeling the anxiety creeping into him. "But yes, I'd like to."

Lucifer stroked his back reassuringly, helping him to relax his erratic heartbeat. "But you still need a friend to show your doctor that you're progressing, yes?"

"He didn't say that." Aaron frowned. "He only thought that it would be good for me to make more friends. I get your point but I don't have any friends besides some of the patients and a couple of neighbors."

The way Lucifer chuckled for some reason filled Aaron with dread.