Chapter Twenty-Six•Turning Page

It's crazy how much we think about our milestones in life. High School, Graduation, College, Marriage, Kids, but what's also even crazier is that not everyone's Milestones will be in order. Taryn had her child before Graduation, Letty became pregnant around November and she's in the same grade as me. The Prom was everything, even without a simple corsage or a date, I was having the time of my life, I was able to dance with whoever I wanted, now I know that does sound slutty, but I mostly danced with my friends. Camille finally came to her senses after a month of spending time with Luke, she came to the prom with him and they have been dating since May 10th, 3 days before her birthday. Taryn's father watched her little son, Oliver, he is an angel and even though little Oli doesn't have his Biological father around because he's a douchebag, Oli has his Grandfather and Taryn will find someone better. After Prom, everything was just….a blur unti a week before and of Graduation. There was the Senior BBQ, they had their walks throughout their Elementary schools and Middle school. Their Senior Prank was boys dressing up as Daisy Dukes which was slightly embarrassing, but amusing, even became the talk of the school after they left. It was the day I dreaded, but not at the same time, I got a chance to help out by cleaning the seats because this was happening in the stadium. I got there around 7am, one of the first to show up, Mom went to go get flowers for my friends as I helped with upcoming Juniors and Seniors like me, to clean everything up. It was hard, exhausting, but in the end, handing out the programs was one of the highlights, I was excited for my friends today. This whole thing just makes me think about what I should do for next year, what I'll need to do to get my diploma, although the teachers said that I have okay grades but they're saying that just to keep me on my toes, I know that I'm failing, even when I try to get my grades up, it still won't even move my GPA. I put my hand over my heart during the National Anthen, the Orchestra started playing when my friends began walking out. After everything that's happened, I've experienced it with them and they've experienced it with me, I was there when Taryn found out she was pregnant, I did everything I could to be there for Camille when she had her breakdown, I even skipped PE to be there for her. I think since that time, it felt like I graduated from the crowd, except my name was never called out, I didn't own an Cap and Gown, it was like every little piece of myself was going to the ones that I was close with, even Blake. We became closer towards the end, without him, I wouldn't know who to turn to, yes Camille, Carmen and I have known each other for a long time, but they are my friends who can cheer me up no matter what mood I'm in, Blake is the kind of guy that I can turn to because he somehow understood about what I'm going through and I can understand what he's going through too. I know Blake is that guy who has high standards for a girl or a woman, but we both know that we will never be more. You know, seeing majority of my friends receiving their Diplomas kinda makes me think that everything that we all went through, it can all end with that simple piece of paper, they have been more relieved when they graduated; it did make me have tears of joy for each of them because it was knowing where they want to go, what they want to do and how they will get there. Camille plans on going to Community College and a University hopefully to become a Nurse while she's working part time for a Hotel, Taryn is going to be a full time Mom and get a job to provide for her son, Blake doesn't exactly know what he wants to do, but he is going to College in Portland. Bryson has been working and going to school online, he wants to be a Construction Worker. Bryan is going to move out of Seattle and go to Meacham, Oregon, there's a whole lot more to say, but more of them don't quite know yet. It was nice for them to know what they want to do, it was also crazy how we were just a bunch of kids who were worried about dates, relationships and who has a Monster Can or a Alcoholic drink in school and now we're worried about how we're going to survive in the real world.

I had dozen Roses to hand out to my former Teammates, friends and Blake. You know it was weird how we started, it began with a pat on a shoulder from Practice and ended with a hug, started with a thumbs up and ended with a rose. He also did tell me that he was going to move into his Dad's place on Monday after Graduation, it did feel like it was going to be the last time that I'm going to see him, most of my friends actually, it'll be weird not seeing them in the hallways, walking with them, practicing and joking around with them as well. I've been preparing myself since the First Day of School by making every moment worth it with them, it was worth it before their Senior Year anyway and now I gotta stay behind to keep their ways since I've seen what Camille can do, I know that they have struggled during the long run of high school, but at least it resulted in them getting their diplomas. I knew that I would more likely see Camille more than any of my friends who graduated, I'm not complaining, she has helped me when I was struggling in my Sophomore year. Seeing my friends graduate was definitely one of the happiest moments of my life, especially seeing the ones that I haven't even known for so long like Taryn and more. After the Graduation party for my Cousin, his stepfather announced that Jared is moving to Portland with Blake, my mother knew that I told her about this and how I felt about it, she even agreed with me. Jared has had stuff given to him practically his whole life and the money that him and Blake spent on was given by his parents, but what my mom said to me,"This might help him become more independent"

"I suppose that can help him" She did have a point, but at the same time, it seemed like a joke. I was happy for all of my friends to graduate, but this is something that doesn't feel right. 

After the party, mom and I planned on driving over to Portland next week, as much as I didn't want to go, but I just think that it's best that I should at least give him a chance, he has been trying and at this point, I'm thankful for that since I have heard from some of my friends like Caleb Brown, him and I have been talking recently and there is nothing more. His Dad only tried when he was younger and one day, his Dad just gave up and stopped coming to his place, so now him, his little brother and baby sister are separated and he sees them 3-4 times a year. Now I know that what you've read about Caleb, we may have had a toxic relationship, but our friendship is more healthier, maybe in another life or our past lives aren't just meant for each other, but lately it feels like everything is deja vu, it's like all the shit that's happening to me, it's happened, but I can't put my finger on it. I've learned not to dwell on the past unless it's something that needs to be done; There was also a family reunion next week when Mom and I drive over there for my other family, my full name is Sabrina Faolan Jensen-Radcliffe, yeah I know it's bit of a mouthful, so my other family are the Radcliffes. The week before our departure to Portland, I get a message from Blake and I remembered that he left on Monday

Hey -Blake

Hi -Sabrina

What's up? -Blake

Not much, just getting for this party for the upcoming freshman -Sabrina

Oh that's cool -Blake

What about you? -Sabrina

Unpacking my things, I just got here to my place and Jared should come up here in a couple days -Blake 

Oh that's awesome -Sabrina 

So you're going to that so-called party? -Blake 

I kinda have to, I was selected as one of the link crew leaders to be a guide for the Freshman -Sabrina 

Ooh yikes, that's gotta suck -Blake 

Anything to have my school record look good for the colleges I might apply to -Sabrina 

Really? I wasn't one and I still got into a University -Blake 

At least you have a somewhat squeaky clean attendance record -Sabrina 

Boo hoo, that's your fault -Blake 

Yeah yeah I know -Sabrina 

So what's up? -Blake 

I'm now walking to the school to get the decorations up early -Sabrina 

Wow you're becoming responsible -Blake 

I've always been, you just don't know all the responsibilities I've had in my life, I've only heard about both of your sides, reckless and responsible -Sabrina 

Name one, I dare you -Blake 

I had to help my mother with the horse dressing for my cousin who was part of Happy Canyon for a year, we had to travel places -Sabrina 

Nice, when does that party start? I guess we'll call it a party -Blake 

It starts at 6pm, now I'm just walking with Nathan to the party -Sabrina 

Nathan, Noah's little brother? -Blake 

Yep, that's right -Sabrina 

Careful, Nathan might try something with you -Blake 

Relax, I've known the guy since 6th Grade, may have dated but it was only for like, a week so it wasnt really a relationship -Sabrina 

Okay, I'm just looking out for you here -Blake 

Really, he didn't know much about my life before him, but with him more in my life now, he kinda knows that I tend to do some crazy shit out of impulse, like the time when Blake and I almost sexted this one Christmas during my Sophomore year and we were close to sending nudes to each other the night before he drove to Portland. So I shouldn't get mad at him for trying to do the right thing

Well I appreciate it Blake, anyways how you doing over there? -Sabrina 

Really good, I'm just staying at my Dad's place until we get the lease on the apartment and until Jared gets here -Blake 

Well at least you two are catching up now, that's all that matters -Sabrina 

Yeah there's one good thing about moving here at least -Blake 

I gotta go, it's almost time -Sabrina 

Okay, I'll talk to you later -Blake 

And not too long after that, Nathan and I practically messed around underneath the bleachers. I didn't lie to Blake, I did say that I was going to decorate then something else happened. Nathan and I aren't like, exclusive you know, it was one of those teenage hormones moments and sometimes it does get the best of you. It was one of the hottest days of the year and I know that maybe Blake wasn't going to yell at me, Blake told me that he hasn't actually gone through sexual intercourse since Camille. So Nathan and I were just talking, he told me about when he goes over to the coast yearly around this time for the Orchestra Event, I can't remember, but there is a girl named Sarah that he knows over there and when they met during their Freshman year, again Teenage Hormones. So now when he come over there, he talks to her, catches up and at least he buys her dinner first. I was talking to Nathan and next thing you know, him and I agreed to make out just to let some of our sexual frustrations out a bit, then he slipped his fingers inside of me, it didn't bother me that much until he tried to make me taste myself, it was a little weird for me at first, but I just went along with it. So I started giving him a handjob, nothing more though, I didn't want the taste of dick in my mouth at the party, I guess I'll call it that,"If you keep doing that, you're gonna make me come"

"Oh really? Want me to go faster?" He started kissing me, slipping the tongue literally the second our lips connected, it was nice, but you know breathing would be a lot nicer,"Yes please" He started breathing heavily as he slipped his fingers back into my shorts,"You are driving me crazy right now by not letting me put my dick in you"

"I know if we try to fuck right here, we're gonna be late and right now, it's…" I took my right hand off of him to reach for my phone, he slightly groaned,"Oh look at that, 5:48, as agreed to" We both got up and he buttoned his shorts,"Thank you"

"You're welcome" Now I know what you're thinking, that I'm probably the slut or a tease, but Nathan and I have talked from time to time. He may be one of those guys that you would only have a one night stand with, but his friendship with you is everything to him, as much as I was terrified that he would tell someone, but up until an hour ago, he never told anyone about Sarah.

The so-called party was a drag, Nathan and I went into the party and no one knew about us sneaking in there, yeah what a great example am I, they selected the former pothead, alcoholic and skipper to be Link Crew leader. Last year, Ana and I snuck in because we didn't have enough money and for a somewhat tight security, they keep some doors unlocked that made it easier to sneak into a party. Anyways, when I came to the party, I was only there for 15 minutes and I instantly felt like I did not belong there, the music that they played was fucking terrible, they weren't even worth dancing to and I knew right then and there, my friends who graduated, we would dance and not even care if the song sounded god awful, they weren't here and maybe I shouldn't be either if I'm not even gonna dance and that's something I enjoy doing, but for the first time in my 4 years, I didn't want to dance. So I called my mom and told her that they just wanted the Link Crew leaders to welcome the upcoming Freshman, so we don't have to stay for the whole party. My friends right now were off with the others, I'd try to join in, but the circle got smaller and smaller, even my friends who joined in got closed out. I waited for my mom to come pick me up and go back to the hills for a bit.