Twelve

"Tears are words the mouth can't say nor the heart can't bear."

- Joshua Wisenbaker

Someone shaking me on the shoulders is what brings me to reality. My eyes are open wide, and I'm staring at Cameron and Tessa. It isn't my father, but Cameron who has my shoulders. I'm safe. With my friends.

"What happened?" I ask. "Where are we?"

"We just pulled over on the freeway," Tessa responds. I look around. I slept through the night, because it is daylight. We are on the side of the road next to a field. The sky is filled with clouds, but the sky isn't blue. The clouds are all grey, and thunder echoed around the landscape. I see a faint lightning in the clouds up there. I look at all the trees in the field, surrounded by dry grass and old corn leaves and ears. "We need to get out of here," I say, getting up. Only now do I realize how hard and deeply I was breathing.

I open the passenger seat door, but Cameron shuts it before I can get in.

"What gives?" I ask.

"Why don't you get in the back, this time. Get more sleep, Eleanor."

I don't argue, because I really do need more sleep. I open the backseat door and curl up. Cameron buckles me and covers me in the blanket they'd been using. I smile, letting my eyelids droop.

I hear the truck start, and hear Tessa and Cameron talking. I can't understand what they're saying, because I'm slowly drifting off. I decide to fall asleep instead of listening.

After I wake up it's dark. I don't say anything, though, because I hear my name in the conversation. This time, I listen in.

"Do you think she'll be alright?" Tessa asks from the driver's seat.

"Not sure. She's been through a lot. And that's even before her mom died."

"I mean, we don't even know where we're going. What if…" Tessa stops talking. What if what? I think. "I just don't know if this will work. I mean, we are gonna run out of money sometime, and Eleanor doesn't have all the money we need. None of us do." Tessa's words puncture me.

"I know."

There's a long pause before Cameron continues.

"Can I tell you something, Tess?"

"Yes?"

"It's something… I'm not sure if I could tell Eleanor."

"What?"

I can't take it. I interrupt.

"What time is it?" I say, yawning and stretching as if I've just woken up.

"Eleanor!" Cameron jumps.

"5:30, Eleanor," Tessa says.

"Thanks," I say casually.

"Food?" I ask.

"On it." Tessa swerves off the freeway onto an exit and finds a fast-food restaurant called 'Sweet Savers,' a cheap Mexican food place. When we walk in, the place is crowded with people. Some people are even standing because there's no seats left.

I can tell that we are all regretting the idea of eating here. "Somewhere else?" I suggest. Without another word, we pile into the car again to find another restaurant.

After about ten minutes of driving, we see a gas station that has a restaurant hooked to it. "'Jenna's Diner,'" Tessa reads aloud. She shrugs. "Seems promising."

We park and pile out again. "I'll get gas," says Tess. "You guys go ahead." I nod, not showing the nervousness inside of me. I have almost never been alone with Cameron. Tessa is always with us to start conversations and make things not-awkward. Now, Tessa has left Cameron and me alone and everything is going to be awkward. I have a feeling inside of me that says she did it on purpose.

Cameron and I walk slowly to the gas station door. "The restaurant is that way, Cam," I say, pointing right, towards it.

"I know," he responds. "But there's got to be some good stuff in here."

"No," I say, taking his wrist. "You can go over there after." I'm trying to be serious, but I'm laughing. Cam has always had a need for candy.

He laughs with me, and we enter the restaurant. Then what I see is horrific. "Get back to the car," I hiss.

"What?"

"Get to the car!" I whisper, urgently pushing him out the door. Cameron doesn't argue. He runs back to the car with me, grasping my hand. "Tessa!" I say cautiously. She nods. "What's up?"

"Is the gas done?" I ask, glancing back at the restaurant.

"Yes…"

"Good. Pay and get in the car. We need to get out of here." The thunder makes me jump. I glance at the lightning. Then I realize that I'm still holding Cam's hand. I let go and get in the truck.

He hops in the passenger seat and Tess gets in the driver's.

She drives quickly. "Where to, Eleanor?"

I ponder carefully. "As far away from here as possible."

I don't need a response. I can count on Tessa to get us out of a situation like this.

"What are we doing, Eleanor?" Cameron asks impatiently. "Why did we leave?"

Tessa agrees by nodding.

I take a deep breath. I don't know why it's so scary. They didn't see us, and they don't know that we were there.

"I saw Ernie. I saw Jayce. And I saw dad."

They nod. "So that's why you were so urgent," I hear Cameron say.

"Yes," I respond.

We drive in silence until I insist that I drive. "I got the most sleep, today, anyway."

We pull over and Tessa gets in the back. I drive out into a small town around Dodge City, Kansas, and look at the landscape. Tiny houses, green yards, white fences, small drug stores, kids coming inside for dinner, just the life I could have had.

Just the life I wanted.