Eighteen

"There is hope, even when your brain tells you there isn't."

- John Green

Tessa was incredible.

Tessa was strong.

Tessa was a believer.

Tessa

never

gave

up.

Especially

on her

friends.

So neither will we.

Because we are strong just like her.

I wrote that poem for her. Just after I'd woken up. It's been about fifteen minutes since I wrote that. Now I am sitting and wishing that she was sitting with me. But she can't. Because she died eight hours ago.

Cameron tries to soothe and cheer my up, but he knows it's hopeless at the moment. He untangles my hair over and over again until dawn, when he goes to sleep (after I make him, of course).

I decide to sleep, too.

When I wake up, Jill is driving through a canyon. "Where are we?" I ask, finding that my voice is hoarse.

"Arizona."

Later we stop at a restaurant. Usually I like to see what it's called, but I don't bother this time. When we walk in, the place is packed. We walk around, and then I see her! I see her! "Cameron! Cameron, it's Tessa!" I look at her back, shaking Cameron's arm. Cameron sighs.

"Close your eyes, Eleanor," he says. I obey. "Now open, but make sure to rub them well." I obey again. And when I look at Tessa, it turns out it's not Tessa. When she turns around I see it even more. Her nose is too long, her hair is too short, her eyes are green when they should be brown. Her teeth have braces, and she has zits all over her face. Oh boy, here come the waterworks. I try to blink away the tears. I look at Cameron who's also teary. I close my eyes and step forward in line.

After dinner, we keep driving. Nothing new, of course. Driving, eating, stopping, etc. Pretty boring after a while. My throat and eyes hurt, and I don't feel like doing much at all. Then I gasp. "Our things!" My laptop! That is the most valuable thing I have. "Don't worry," John says. "I got them before I left this morning."

I sigh. "Can I get my laptop?" I ask. I feel like a child saying it, but I really do want it.

"In the back," Jill says, looking at the twins just behind her. They're both asleep. I reach behind me and grasp a bag. When I open it, I see my laptop right away. I pull it out and put the rest back. I open it and click the search bar. "Mail," I mutter under my breath. I open it and click on the 'Compose' icon. I put Tessa's mom's account in one of the spaces and 'From Eleanor' in the subject space.

To: avabell.@lucky.org/mail

Subject: From Eleanor

Hey, Mrs. Bell. It's Eleanor. You probably have noticed that Tessa has been missing, along with Cameron and I. I'm sorry for leaving this with you, but it must be said. I have some tough news. And I'm not sure how to put this. So I'll just lay it out. All simple… Tessa died almost nine hours ago. She was shot. I'm so sorry. I am super sad, so you are probably feeling ten times worse. Again, I'm so sorry. I wish there was something I could do. I have cried so much all day. Heck, I'm crying right now just writing this. Sorry. I wish the best for your family. Good luck.

Eleanor

I close out the tab and go to my group chat with Cam and Tessa. I click on the space for me to type.

earlybird.eleanor has logged on

earlybird.eleanor: Hey, Cameron?

dothecamcam.123 has logged on

dothecamcam.123: Yeah, what's up?

earlybird.eleanor: I just thought that it might be easier to talk on here. So that the Lacey's don't hear.

dothecamcam.123: Okay. Did you have something specific?

earlybird.eleanor: Just… Tess.

dothecamcam.123: Oh.

earlybird.eleanor: I wish there was something we could do.

dothecamcam.123: Yeah.

dothecamcam.123: Don't cry. I can see the tears in your eyes. 😔

earlybird.eleanor: I'll try.

I try to stop the tears. Cameron takes my hand. I almost forget that he's right next to me. I smile. If we weren't in the car with other people, I would kiss him. But we are in a car with people, so, no.

We stop at a restaurant. I don't bother trying to eat. The twins eat like pigs, though. I'm ashamed of them, but I try not to show it. Then we hear the door being slammed against the wall. We all look behind us to see it. Everyone's screaming, especially the twins. Yep, dad, Ernie, and Jay. Not surprised. But then I see the gun.