chapter 29

"NO…" I heard a voice echoed.

Fear, anger and desperation all laced in one.

"No…."

The voice never begged and yet I knew it wanted to. It wanted to despite knowing it was futile attempt to do so. She wanted to be free.

I opened my eyes. I knew I had to do something. I had help the voice that refused and fought despite its odds. But, all I was black. Pitch dark black, so dark was the place where I was that she could see nothing ahead. I looked down to find I couldn't even see myself.

The sinister darkness engulfed my entire being. It was a bottomless pit of malicious hatred and guilt and something to ineffable to describe.

I tried to call out, to find out who it was. Only to find that the darkness had swallowed my voice. Stripping me down to nothing. Reminding me how I was nothing. Just a creature. Something not even human to be called a child. Just an object. One that no one needed but was present nonetheless.

I steeled myself and tried following that no. The no repeated over and over. The no that beckoned me to look for her. I don't know I was there. Just walking aimlessly trying to find the echoes of cry that the voice let out. The wails so pitiful that it almost made me not want to go seeking her.

The thing is, doc. I remember her. I remember Francis. I remember I loved her. I have memories of her that I dream off, they're also corrupted but they are there. These memories linger when I wake up. But, the thing is when I am awake I can't remember her. I can't remember anything about her beyond the dreams I have had. I don't remember how she died. And I know I you told me its grief that's doing it to me. Putting up a wall between my memories of her and the death and my sanity. But, I have this feeling.

This emptiness I can't describe. This sadness that overpowers me and that was exactly what I felt in that darkness. I know you told me not to go trying to remember Francis, more than the dreams did because you know that eventually the thin veil that is holding me together will fall and the memories will come back. I will remember everything, when I am ready. When, my mind knows that I can accept it without the overwhelming pain of self-destruction and somehow even in my dream I remembered that. But, I couldn't help myself. I wanted whichever memory this was.

So, I walked.

And I knew when I was walking in the right direction. I knew it because I suddenly cold and scared. I did not want to go there. I did want hear her.

And a voice in my head said, "Not like this."

I stood still for a moment, contemplating if I should go back. To listen to the warning in my head but, I don't. And so I walk. Slowly creeping along something. With each step I took the darkness receded. Long shadows cast with each step. Whispering again and again. Begging me to walk away. To not be here. Not to see this. But, I didn't listen. I kept walking.

Further and further I went until I reached a wall. A high wall of bricks. The voice was coming from inside the wall.

No….

The voice was urgent. But, how do I get in?

I walked around, looking for a gate to enter. It felt like there wasn't one. There was no way for the voice to escape.

And with that I woke up."

Andrianna finished.

"What are you hiding?" Daniella asked knowingly.

Lost was the expression that once was sympathetic and cold, replaced by a piercing assessing gaze. The official statement Victor and Marshal gave her was this was grief management, but Andrianna knew better. Daniella had given her some crazy.

But, she did not resign to her fate. She would push back. Andrianna would always hide something. Never tell her everything. Sometimes, like today Daniella caught on. But, most times she did not. And that gave Andrianna the win, she was always looking for.

Sighing she continued, "I think I remembered something."

"Go on…"

"Remember I told you I was shifted to a new school?"

"Yes and you managed to befriend two children."

"Yes. Well…. The boy, Aaron Cross. When I looked at his eyes I just remembered one phrase, 'the man with the devil eyes.' I don't know what the importance of it was but I do know whatever it was, was bad. I knew it because after that I had a panic attack. I was scared of him."

Daniella pursed her lips like she knew something. Something she was not telling her. And she also knew that Andrianna was aware that she was hiding it.

Which effectively meant, Andrianna was going to walk out the very minute slamming the door behind her.