Chapter 20: Clean, Part 2

While Serendipity understood what Maevis was trying to tell her, she shook her head. Damp, white ringlets flipped water out of the tub as she did so, further wetting the wooden floor. How many times had she tried to explain herself to Maevis before? More than she could count. "I don't have a choice, Maevis. It must be done."

"You do have a choice, love," Maevis corrected her, placing her calloused hand on Serendipity's arm just above her boney elbow where it rested on the side of the tub and giving it a squeeze.?"You have a choice every day. Do you keep trying to do the impossible or give up and sell the lot of the parts and maybe the house, too? You could take the money and start all over again, someplace far away, if you truly wanted to."

"It's not that simple," Serendipity replied, resting her forehead on her arm near Maevis's chilly hand and drawing in a deep breath. "I promised my father that I would finish what he had started. I cannot break the promise I made to him."

"You made that promise after he was gone, darling," Maevis reminded her. "I'm sure he heard you--sure he sees how hard you work--but you don't know if that's what he really wants for you. I knew your father well, don't forget that, and I can't imagine he'd be happy to see the way you've worked yourself to nothing but skin and bones, staying up all night, never eating, all in the name of atonement for something you never meant to do."

Tears began to slowly wind their way down Serendipity's cheeks, mingling with the lingering drops of water from her bath. Quietly, she asked, "Do you think he knows, then? Knows what I've done?"

Maevis, whose eyes were always kind and loving, had an expression even more soft and motherly now than usual as she looked into the face of the child she had cared for ever so many years ago. "Yes, love, I'm sure he knows." Serendipity sighed, and her bottom lip began to quiver. "And I'm quite certain he knows it was all an accident, that it was not your fault, that you never meant to hurt anyone."

Serendipity buried her eyes on her arm as Maevis began to stroke her hair. She was sobbing now, and Maevis realized she'd neither spoken of the events of that day nor cried about them since it had all happened, eight years ago. "There, there, child," she said quietly. Let it out."

"I would trade places with them. I'd do anything"

"I know, love, I know," Maevis assured her.

"I thought it said flour. The script was so ornate I couldn't tell."

"I know, dear. I know."

"If Father knew, he'd be so disappointed in me"

"No."

"He always called me his sweet girl"

"You were his little angel. He loved you more than anything."

"But he loved mother, and Charity, and Grace as well"

"Yes, of course."

"And I I murdered them."

"No"

"Well, I killed them."

"Not intentionally."

Then, Serendipity's body began to shake as she was completely overwhelmed with grief. "Oh, Maevis," she managed to choke out, "why can't I learn to read?"

Maevis continued to stroke her hair, hushing her quietly before saying, "I don't know, my love. I just don't know."

"I've tried so hard. I just can't do it! If only I could they would still be alive."

"Look at me, Serendipity," Maevis insisted then, gently tugging on her chin. At first, Serendipity continued to try and hide her face, but eventually her gaze met the kind eyes of her caretaker. "I know you've tried to learn to read, and something is preventing you from doing so. I'm not sure what it is. You're right--it's the one thing that you just cannot do. But it is the only thing. You have a friend out there now who needs you, and though he may be small and what some would consider insignificant, he is your friend. And you must help him. You've managed well enough to read the letters Mr. Cane has sent to you, which is a good start, and now you must be off to find Pozzletot and make sure that he is safe and sound."

Serendipity nodded, but there was still fear ebbing inside of her as she contemplated all that might happen if she dare face the world again. Finally, after a few moments she said quietly, "What if I can't do it?"

"You can," Maevis assured her.

"Come with me," Serendipity requested, her eyes wide with hope.

"No," Maevis replied sharply, shaking her head. "This is something you must do on your own."

"But what if I fail? What if I let another loved one down?"

"You won't."

"But"

"Serendipity," Maevis said, still staring into those pale blue eyes, "this is your chance to prove to yourself that you can make it in the outside world, that there is no need to shut yourself off from everyone and everything. Go, save Pozzletot, and when you return, if you choose to do so, maybe you will have a better understanding of the people around you, the life you are missing out on. And, if not, you can always go back to the way things were before."

Maevis's words penetrated past the pain Serendipity had kept locked inside for so long. It was all so much猼alking about what had happened that day, being back in this house, facing Ms. Crotlybloom. Knowing she'd have to go back into the world if she was to save Pozzletot. How could she betray him when he had always been there for her, even on her loneliest, most desperate nights?

Serendipity closed her eyes tightly and took a deep breath. After a few moments, she began to nod her head.?"Very well," she said at last. "Then, let's get on with it." Somehow, however, she knew that nothing would ever be the same as it had been before.