session two

POV Eliot:

What the shit of homework, the truth is that teachers like to send a lot of homework as if the world will end or they love to see us suffer, I bet it's the latter, before the accident, Zamira and I helped each other in subjects that were difficult (almost all of them) . And we were the first to leave when it was lunchtime neither of us liked being locked in a room with apes

<< They were great moments >>

I remember I also had an argument with her ex-boyfriend, I loved her and I love her with all my heart (I mean it in the sense of friendship), but I'm not lying when I say that she was very stupid to have a relationship with her toxic ex, but yes. ..I argued with him and he wasn't kind at all

Flashback:

I had been forced to go to damn school and I think my mother's decisions are very horrible because who would send his son a few days after the death of your best friend? Exactly to my mom

Anyway, ignoring that fact, it's lunchtime and I'm sitting at one of the back tables watching my food without much desire to eat.

-Are you going to eat or will you still see food as stupid?

It can't be, I look up and see with hatred the boy who is looking at me with an arrogant smile

Chester west the ex-boyfriend of zamira aka the toxic, our relationship is not the best of all and seeing his face at that moment did not feel like me

<< Damn bastard >>

-I would appreciate it if you would go and let me eat in peace

-I know we don't have the best relationship in the world, but we could get along well-sit next to me

<< You have to hit it, I want to hit it >>

No I'm not going to fight an ape

I ignore it and begin to eat in silence, Chester may be the most idiotic person but he is also the most insistent person in the world.

He doesn't stop bothering until he gets what he wants ... like right now

-I have ideas for tonight

-I'm not going to go out with you-I look at him with hatred and he ignores my look-I'm not interested either

-Come on, why do you treat me that way?

-it's the treatment you deserve

-we should get along, by zamira

-You and I couldn't get along even if my life depended on it-I look at him with a bit of anger-and I would appreciate it if you don't name her again

-Did you like my girlfriend?

I see where the hand comes from, this chorizo head I always think that I had fallen in love with her, I must admit that there was a time when I was attracted to her but it was just that.

<< I remember when we told him and he rejected us >>

It was stupid I agree

That is none of your business-I grab my things and stand up-and if it had been that case before I would not have to tell you

-She was my girlfriend and I loved her very much so if it concerns me

-Did you love her? -he nods and lets out an ironic laugh because I think he stopped loving her when he started hitting her-well let me tell you that your love took her to the grave

Without waiting for the answer, I left the place because surely I would have given him a great blow

End of flashback:

-when you look at nothing it makes me want to hit you

-What kind of father would do that?

- I am a modern father, respect brat

I laugh and turn around so I can get on with my homework but I see that my dad has another plan

-How are you? And don't give me a "good" that you say to your mother, I want even a part of the truth

–Well, I'm getting over it -I keep writing- it's not as if she'll get over it quickly, the wounds don't heal from one day to the next

-eliot I ...- I look at him waiting for him to say his speech- don't take too long today I'll take you to the psychologist

I nod and end up doing part of the homework (damn unfortunate), when I get downstairs I notice that my mother is not there, surely she went with my aunt Dani ... she was and is the only one who gave me my space and I advise when I need it.

My father does not like my aunt very much, she is always saying that he preferred my mother's first love a thousand times, and when my aunt Dani was going to say something else about his mother, she would silence her

The journey was a bit short for me, although my mind was on another side of the galaxy, it always happened when I didn't want to talk to someone, I say goodbye to my dad and go inside the house when I enter, I see Isaac playing a video game on his cell phone

-Hello Isaac

Without looking up from his video game, he points to a door to my left and I want to believe that his dad or whatever is in there, and if he is actually there having a cup of coffee.

My psychologist looks up from his papers to focus on me I still don't feel very comfortable talking to him but ... I need to unload a small part of the pain that I have inside, without saying anything he grabbed the chair and without saying anything I sit in she..loose everything

-I feel bad, today is one of those days where I feel like I can't go on, I want to disappear and not suffer anymore-I feel like the tears come down from my eyes to my pants-I'm tired of pretending I'm fine ... when I think I'm over his death overturned the same hole of pain that I tried to leave since he left ... I'm getting tired

I receive the glass of water that the doctor offers me, it feels good to be able to let go of my pain a little, my mom always swallows the lies I tell her and my dad doesn't dare to give me advice or shake my hand because he thinks I'm going to send the fuck

They think I'm building and recovering when the damn reality is ...

—I'm very broken

I close my eyes for a moment and that song I used to sing to him I had written to my ex-girlfriend but I finished it a day before singing it, I still remember when she came to my house on a Saturday

Flashback:

I was lying on my bed staring at the ceiling and drowning in my first love disappointment, it's not like we lasted 3 years we were together 8 months and I loved him with all my heart, but now he changed me for someone much better than me

I remember his words when we met in our favorite place "I'm very sorry but I found someone who loves me and gives me what I need, you were a great boyfriend ... but what I thought I felt for you no longer exists" and left leaving me heartbroken.

-Can you stop looking at the ceiling with those tears in your eyes? It gives me depression just by seeing you

–Zamira leave me alone, I don't want to see anyone

-I will not let my best friend suffer alone in this

-But I do not want you to see me cry like an idiot for a girl

She turns a deaf ear to my request and takes a seat next to me with her hand gently wiping my tears

-I want you to sing me the song that you were going to dedicate to her

-I'm not in the mood for your stupid games, okay?

She ignores me and gets up to go get my guitar that is next to the bedside table. She gave me that guitar for my 14th birthday and during these years I have cared for it as if it were a great treasure.

<< And it was >>

-And if we're going to get depressed, let it be singing-put the guitar on my legs-if you're going to get depressed sing at least that will take away the pain a bit

I look at her doubtfully for a moment but she gives me sad doggy eyes and I decide to listen to her, I grab the guitar and adjust the chords well, I release it:

Lately I've been thinking that at that moment we were tired

I also thought about what we had while looking at those stars in the sky

And I know it was hard was all we knew those stars were far out of reach

Have you been drinking to get rid of the pain?

At that time you didn't believe in galaxies

I wish I could give you everything you deserve but after a while I saw it..it was a silver galaxy

Nothing can ever replace you It must have been painful, it must have been exhausting but I'll tell you something nothing can make me feel the way you do

You know there is no one because I ran into the endless light where you were

There's no one I can relate to and you know we'll meet in the tickle of the sun

We both know that we will not find such a true love I still remember the air of that summer and the sounds so cold

There is nothing like us there is nothing like you and me

The streets lit in gray took a deep breath and knocked on your door, together through the storm we will change

'Cause there's nothing like you and me now I wish we would smile more

I gave you everything baby everything will be alright cause we're doing alright

I gave you everything I had boy Why would I take you away from me?

Yesterday it was you but today it is more than clear

I am lost in confusion like an illusion, I want to embrace the many thorns that came out of the rose

You know I'm used to making your day

But that's the past now

We were those smiling kids who used to laugh happily now we don't last, I guess it was meant to be

When I see you smile, I keep smiling

Tell me was it worth it? We were so perfect took a deep breath and knocked on your door

But baby I just want you to see that we are going to change, tonight if I put my hand on yours .. you will know that there is nothing like us, there is no one like you and me.

But I want to ask you a question, would you be able to hold my hand? Because I will become you.

You just have to look at my galaxies and we will be bathed in those stars

You will realize that there is no one like you and me.

When she finished singing I see that she stood at the window and began to cry looking towards the window that was how Zamira released her pain when you least expected it and when you saw that pain in her eyes ... something broke inside you because you saw how she cried out for help

-You and I will always be together-I tell him smiling-it will be you and me against the world always

-Always together my dark prince

And we spent that night crying and talking about our failed love affairs but what I liked was that I was able to get a little smile out of her.

End of flashback:

-I'm alone-I look at the man who looks at me with a look that implied my pain-it's just me carrying this pain every fucking day of my life, no one does anything to get me out of here

-I want to get you out of that dark place that consumes you in a horrible sadness ... you no longer smile like you did when she was alive

-Life snatched the only reason I had to smile-I dry my tears and drink a little water-sometimes I think I cling to it a lot and now that it died it is as if I did not know where to go

-You are stranded on your own path, you do not know which direction to take but I am sure you can continue your course

Maybe that's it but sometimes I wonder that I will never be able to get ahead like I was doing before, but she was my beacon of light in so much darkness, tell me, how can I move on if the only person who held me when I fell died ? When the only one who encouraged me to continue fighting despite being broken, she was also taken from me.

And that is not easy to forget not when your soul mate was taken from you that is not easy to overcome

-Can I leave? I need to go somewhere before I get home

-Where will you go? If you can know of course-I looked at him with doubt but in the end I knew that he will not tell my parents -I will go to the cemetery to visit her

-I do not see you psychologically trained to visit her grave

- I'm not psychologically well to do something at the moment ... but I do need to go to her grave

Without saying anything else, I leave the office, I don't care if I call my parents and tell them that I left earlier than expected, but after the wake my parents would not let me go to his funeral or to visit his grave, before I understood, I said everything was recent and I didn't feel like going

I was about to leave when I fell on my ass to the floor and I know that I fell because I was hit by something or rather someone, Isaac looked at me with some annoyance it was not my fault that he got in my way

-I'm sorry Isaac hadn't seen you

–You never see where you are going or are you blind?

Okay I don't know how to take that comment

-I don't know what the hell are you talking about

-It does not matter-he tells me dry and goes where his grandfather is

I ignore it and start my way to the cemetery I know that it is not very far from here on the road it is as if my body was present but my mind was on Saturn

<< One of these days they will rob you and you will not realize it >>

If I could make them rob you, you don't know how I would like them to kidnap you

<< I'm the one who almost kept you sane little>>

I ignore it and I see that I have already arrived at the cemetery My hands are sweating like my whole body is the first time in so long that I have not come to visit her, damn it I did not bring any flowers

<< Don't even think about taking flowers to my tombstone ... I hate flowers and you know it, take me a bottle of Coke if you can't with your presence, it's enough >>

And without spending a single second more I decided to head to the grave of my sister / best friend, I spend a moment looking for her that when I find her tombstone I want to turn around and go back

But not in the end I decide to approach her tombstone and collapse in front of her I cry like the first time they told me that she died, when I saw that they lowered her body and buried it under three meters of earth

–please come back I implore you-I cry and kick seeing her grave-my girl please come back you were very young you lacked many things to live and learn my queen .. many things to live together-I dry my tears but it is useless because fall again

It takes me about an hour to try to calm down and not have an asthma attack right here I don't have my inhaler so I just tried to talk

-Hi zami I'm sorry not to see you come before but you will understand my reasons I did not feel very well to come to see you ... Mom took me to therapy after my suicide attempt, at least it makes me a little happy to know that you are in peace-I take my snot and wipe my tears-you always deserved to be in peace without anyone bothering you I swear that I will try to move forward to fulfill our dreams and fulfill that promise we made ourselves

I stop and leave a little kiss on her tombstone, I don't want to check my cell phone because I'm 100% sure that my mother atomized me to messages

<< when we get home prepare for the interrogation >>

Agg sometimes I want to tell him that I'm not well that I need a hug from him and even if it's a lie that he tells me "don't worry, everything will be fine." I look at my house just one block away I try to mentalize myself for the gift that will come to me

<< Sometimes we have to repeat to ourselves that everything will be "fine" so as not to fall into despair >>

-Where the fuck were you? Do you know what time it is? Eight o'clock at night and your session ended at five

-Mom Is it serious? It was only two hours - I tried to go up to my room but she stopped me

-You don't leave until you tell me where you were

If it had been another day I would have stayed to listen to her sermons and why I must tell her where I am but at the moment I have a psychological fatigue in which I only want to sleep

-Mom enough, I'm tired psychologically shit !! - I raise my voice a little and she looks at me surprised-I only ask you to let me sleep I know that you worry about me, I know that what I did was wrong and that is why you fear that it do it again but understand that I need my space-I look at her with small tears-mommy ... instead of helping me I feel that you are sinking me

Without saying anything shorter I went to my room and threw myself on my bed so I could rest from this stupid day

<< Everything will be fine >>

That's a lie ... how can I know that everything will work out if I always get the same result, whenever I try to get ahead all the pain consumes me and I end up taking 20 steps back.

It is as if fate will strive so that I do not get ahead and I remain locked in my bubble of depression but I will not give it the pleasure

I get out of bed and look at the photo I have with her, it hurts so much I feel as if a piece of skin or my heart had been removed and I honestly don't know which of the two hurts more.

–Only for you and for me I will get ahead because if the two of us couldn't continue on this shitty path ... at least one of us should finish what we started and believe me that I am going to do it

I leave the frame in place and I get the idea of ​​sleeping but I start to compose a new song for her, I was the only one who wrote happy songs when she was sad ... now the only thing I can write her are songs full of sufferings

<< Forgive me princess for not being happy >>

MY BABIES I want to tell you that the song that Eliot sang was composed by myself, a small gift from me for you

Updates are slow but I will try to write and upload as fast as possible

I love you I AM AGUSTINA AND THIS IS DISNEY CHANNEL 💖