A month has gone by since Rey and Kylo Ren had any communication. Kylo sat in the grass, head turned up to the suns that lit the planet in a purple hue, casting an evening glow. He is meditating. Kylo focuses on his breathing as a dark, twisted image pops into his mind and lingers. He is back at uncle Luke's temple, asleep. A shift in the Force wakes him suddenly. It's Luke, standing over him in the dark. His green lightsaber casting shadows in the deep grooves of his uncle's face. Ben, at the time, before Kylo Ren, felt his uncle's dark intentions cast through the Force. He turned his head and summoned is lightsaber into his hand.
"No please stop. I do not want to see this." a warm, enticing, voice called back to him "But you must, Kylo Ren." The lightsaber crashes into Ben's hand to defend himself. The green and blue lightsabers crash into one another with fury. Luke stopped as if realizing that in a moment of weakness, the Dark had moved in. Ben ran away, like a child, slashing everything in his path with deadly rage. He went to the ancient temple, destroying all the sacred text, statues, and cutting through ancient tapestries. Blinded by his rage.
Ben set the temple on fire. He let the flames feed off his hate, his fear. The image is gone and young Ben is standing in front of the sleeping quarters. One by one, he enters and slashes young Padawans. Their screams silenced by the blade's fury. Feeding the Dark powerful souls. A high rushed through Ben as he wanted more, more, more. He set the buildings on fire as he left, watching them burn, he laughed. The sight fueled the birth of Kylo Ren. Poor Ben was being snuffed out by the darkness that was swallowing his soul. This was the birth night of Kylo Ren. Snoke had been lingering, coaxing Kylo Ren out for years, but is uncle stood in the way. Teaching him to let go of the Dark, to not give in to their temptations. But that night, Snoke played a part in Luke's vision of a shift in the Force. It is true, there was to be a shift, but Snoke had twisted the vision that fateful night. Snoke's version of the vision showed that the scales had been tipped by his nephew. Master Skywalker, once the protector of the galaxy, could not let the horror he saw come to pass. Yes, the hero Master Jedi Skywalker created Kylo Ren.
Ben screamed from the depth of Kylo Ren in torment from the past. Torn at the actions that were carried out by his hands. Kylo Ren's eyes opened. Anger swelling the fact that from beyond the grave, Snoke still had a hold on his mind. Nothing ever dies in the Force uncle Luke told Kylo in what seemed like a lifetime ago. Kylo stood on the uninhabited planet in the very cusp of the Outer Rim as he wished that these memories from Ben's past would be burned out of his mind. Anger and loneliness boiled from within, heating his core. In a blind rage, the tree had been meditating under was now splintered. The top half of the tree that had light pink and rich purple foliage, is now on the ground. It is just as broken and splintered as the trunk.
Kylo looks down at his knuckles, bruised and bleeding profusely. He did not feel the pain. It was numb. He did not feel much of anything anymore. Joy and love were alien emotions from long ago when his absent father and busy mother shipped him off to Luke. All that resided in Kylo Ren was hate and anguish. Kylo, for the better part of fifteen years, has never been loved, wanted, hugged, or even thought of anything less than a treacherous snake. Even Snoke had thought him useless. Repeatedly reminding him that he would never be as great as Darth Vader and that he would forever be in his shadow, forgotten with time. Rage. Rage is all he ever knew to be comfortable. The inner turmoil, forgotten. Rage created a sense of calm within him.
Snoke had found the newborn Kylo Ren in front of the burning temple. "Come to me, Kylo Ren" never had Ben Solo been called that in his life. It was always Ben. He was still Ben, wasn't he? "No, child, tonight you are reborn in the ashes of Ben Solo as Kylo Ren. Come to me, Kylo." Kylo Ren followed Snoke to a small transport ship. Once inside he felt like he was home. Snoke had taken him out of Ben Solo and placed Kylo Ren in his place. He was only fifteen. Kylo sat still peering out the window, watching the ancient Jedi village being engulfed in red flames.
They had arrived at Snoke's ship, Kylo was carted off to an empty room that was painted, red, blood red. There was a throne carved out of the blackest stone that was smooth. Fit for a Sith Lord. Snoke Force pushed Kylo Ren to his knees, reaching out into is mind. Carving out Ben Solo. The pain ripped through Kylo like his soul was being torn from him. Every remnant of Ben was stripped away from Kylo Ren. The torture driving Kylo breathless and to the floor. "You weak, pathetic child" Snoke called out to him as he dug deeper into Kylo. He did not want to fight Snoke. He wanted to forget the sadness, his loveless childhood, the misunderstanding from his peers, the loneliness, the betrayal. The probe into his mind began to numb as Snoke dug deeper and deeper into his psyche. Snoke was ripping out the part that made him feel, the parts that defined him as a human. Snoke's villainous laugh rug in his mind, like an echo.
"Ben…" A familiar voice called out to him. Bringing his mind back from the darkness. It was Rey. She was standing there in front of him. Her eyes wore a concerned look as she studied him. Her loose hair from her three knots was blowing in the slight breeze. She could not be real. His mind was playing tricks on him. He could not trust himself.
"You aren't real. You are not here." He almost whispers at the brink of madness.
"Ben, I-" She is cut short by him.
"GO AWAY! YOU ARE NOT HERE! GET OUT OF MY HEAD! FUCK!" Rage infused madness spewed out of his mouth as he dropped to his knees. Sobbing and so confused. His hands are grasping his long black locks as he rocks back and forth. His sobs escape him like he is gasping for air.
"Ben, let me help. I want to help you." Her words are soft and true. Trying in earnest to grasp the situation.
She's lying. Treacherous whore. A voice speaks from the depths of the darkness.
"She's not real. She's not real. She's not real." Kylo Ren continues to rock, talking to himself. His grasp on reality is slipping away from him. His hands pull harder at his hair, ripping pieces out. Rey's heart began to ache as Kylo Ren began to unravel before her. She drops to her knee as tears swell up in her eyes. She cannot cry, she must be the strong one. She must be strong for Ben. She reaches a hand out over his back, but stops, frightened of what he might do. His face turns suddenly. Her eyes meet his, but there is no one there anymore. Madness wrapped his features, turning to a wild creature. He is looking at her, motionless. His breaths are heavy.
"I- I don't know what to do." Her eyes fall to her folded knees.
She is not real, Kylo. She is not here. Kill her. Feel her as her life force escape from her body. Relish in it. The dark voice calls again. It sounds so familiar, but he could not tell who it is. He crept towards her slowly as her eyes are glued to the ground. She is unmoving, vulnerable. Yes, the voice calls. Closer now. His hands slowly rise, level at her delicate neck. She swallows. It is calling him further into madness. Before Rey could react, the wild creatures' large hands clasp her neck in a tight, unchanging grip. She gasped, her eyes are wide. The creature's eyes met hers. There is nothing there but primal rage. Scared, Rey's hand flew up to his grip. Her touch only makes his grip tighten. Panic sets into Rey and begins to thrash in his strong hands. Yet somehow, he begins to choke too. He closes around her neck tighter. His throat begins to tighten.
"Ben, please!" Her voice gurgles against his hands. She touches him in desperation, hoping to show him she is there and not a torturous facade. She let the Force flow between their minds. Showing the creature the first time they touched on Ahch-To. Showing him the vision of them in the future. Happy. The creature let's go of her neck, enveloped in the vision. His arms fell to his side as he began to sob. How could I have sunk this low? Forget who I was? Kylo thinks to himself. Harsh sobs break him out of his thoughts. It's Rey, she is laying on the ground twisted with her hands grabbing the earth as she sobbed. What had he done? There were soft bruises around her neck. From his hands. Kylo looked down in terror at his hands as if he could see that they were drenched in blood.
"Rey… I- I am so sorry. I am so lost right now." The words escape his lips before he could hesitate. He is so angry with himself that tears began to swell up in his eyes. They fell silent as he watched Rey cry in front of him. He felt his hand reach out to her, placing a soft hand at her shoulder. She jumped in terror. She moved away from his touch as her sobs grew harsher. Her eye never looking up to his. Kylo Ren could feel her anguish rippling through their bond. Her fear from the look in his wild eyes as he choked her came crashing over him.
"Ben… I want Ben. Not Kylo Ren." Rey choked out between sobs. Somehow this made Kylo soften. He wanted to comfort her. Tell her how wrong he was and that he never, ever wanted to hurt her. But he couldn't face her sad, scared eyes. He collapsed to the ground beside her and let the tears wash over him, letting them fall. Kylo was so confused about where he stood. Who was he? Was Kylo Ren beginning to unravel as Ben Solo? Rey turned her head to see Ben. Kylo Ren was not there next to her. It was him, softly crying. Rey watched the tears trace his features as they fell from his eyes. Rey was still grasping to understand that Ben had been fighting to come out and causing Kylo Ren's understanding of his reality to begin to crumble before him. She knew that this path was not going to be an easy one, but she felt he needed someone, her, to be there with him.
"I forgive you, Ben, do you hear me? I forgive you." Rey's voice was sincere as she spoke. Ben's tears only fell harder. No one had ever said those words to him. The words sunk deep within him. Rey watched him, unmoving as he cried. Her hand began to lift to his body. She placed a hand on his chest. He looked at her, still fresh tears in their eyes, and gave a nod of recognition. He was beside himself. He did not know what to do at this point. Her hand was warm on his chest, sinking into his skin.
"Rey," He let out slowly "I am so confused right now". Flashes of torment, anguish, fear, betrayal, and a fight within his soul flowed into Rey. Her hand now lay heavier, more endearing on his chest.
"It's okay, Ben." She shushed him. His eyes were heavy with exhaustion. Her hand began to brush the wet hair from his face. Raking her fingers through his soft curly hair. He let her, it felt calming and he knew that she was there. Real and trying to help him. He pulled himself into her knees that are folded under her. She stayed unmoving, still running her fingers through his hair. Ben began to give in to the exhaustion as he began to fade to sleep. Rey watched for a moment as his breaths became slow and rhythmic. She could feel the bond begin to close. Rey was back in her room, her hand still in motion to make another sweep through his hair. She let the hand fall. All of her emotions came out. She let the sadness, the disappointment of his actions drain as she lay down in her bed. Then, suddenly there was a knock at the door.