As a flower

Raining.... and raining.... as if though the earth should become a river. Sometimes i felt that i am melting in the coldness. I was lonely. What to describe.... what to say.... whom to say.... don't know.

As a 3 old... little girl... i felt that i am the only child in the world. Slowly i felt that i am floating in the sky....between the stars....

"Nimi"..... 

i heard a hard voice of mother and woke up. It was then i realised that i was sleeping till then....suddenly i felt so numb.how beautiful it was being in between stars....all smiling faces....

"Why don't you get up....why should you sit there itself and don't you know its your routine""

Mother was shouting....and i wondered what i had to do after getting my routines done.... did i had somewhere to go....or do anything....i sat blankly.

These were my first thoughts which came into my mind when i think of my childhood. It was when i reached ten years old,  that i realized how unaware of circumstances i was as a small child....how much i suffered of my innocence. Even at my 40's i feel sad of my self.

I was grown up afraid of my mother actually.i didnt know whom all i had as relatives.i had my grandmother with me..in that house and also my aunt who was mentally retarded.i didn't understand why my aunt was closed in a room always while others roamed about. Rarely did she come out of the room. She never talked any thing to anyone. She just murmered something to herself. But i loved her even though she never talked to me. At my small age i didn't understand why she never talked to me.