2. Escape

Fingers tracing the crude dirt wall, my feet hurried over the dirt beneath them. Desperate to reach the exit, desperate for air not mixed with ash and dust.

Heart pounding in my chest, my ears listened for the smallest sound in the area. I could hear the wind over the grass, and rustle roughly through the leaves of the trees surrounding the temple. A hint of footsteps of at least ten people walking inside the courtyards further away. But nothing that made me think someone was close, that I would be found. I steadied my heart and jumped slightly as I felt the cold iron of the gate at the end of the tunnel. The light had shifted ever so slightly, towards the darker spectrum of what I could discern. Nearing night time based on the light and dark. Around seven or eight in the evening?

Cold air greeted me as my fingers examined the gate, slipping through the bars to search for a lock that would stop me from going further. I let out a sigh of relief, no lock. Considering the temple's lack of security, the important people probably felt no one would attack them, or try to steal from them. After all, a temple was for the devotion of gods, one would want to anger them.

A memory of the screams of a young maid that had tried to escape surfaced my mind. She had come back from the forest two hours after her escape, covered in wounds, with broken bones and she had barely left the temple's territor. Master Yong, the leader of the temple and a source of most of my hatred, had let me see how they punished her for leaving. Taking her hand and throwing her in a shed with no food or water for days. I could almost smell the scent of her blood again, hear her cries for mercy as the axe chopped her hand clean off. "The forest is a dangerous place, only the temple can keep the beasts away. Let this be a lesson to all that think of running." Master Yong had said that aloud in the room, to all the disciples and priests, but I knew the warning had been aimed at me.

I shook the past memory out of my mind. If I were to die in the forest or get taken by these men, I'd rather fight wild animals and die, than succumb and let them take me. I didn't know who was looking for me, but I knew by the scent of blood and gore in the air that it wasn't a person I wanted to follow willingly. Seeing the body's memories made me realize that I'd rather die than to be taken advantage of like that again. Forced to be a drug to the wealthy, and an experiment to Master Yong. Locked in a room with the dead or nearly dead, forced to heal them back to life, to see how strong my powers really were. What sort of miracle I could produce.

I pushed at the gate, an eerie screeching echoing through my ears as I used more strength to push it open. My pulse racing as I tried to be as quick as possible, fighting my exhausted body as I waited for a new release of adrenaline to help push me further. My body was tired, exhausted and each limp throbbed from the over-exertion I had forced on them, as the acid made them shake and hard like rocks.

The gate opened just enough for me to squeeze through. I had come this far, the new issue would be that I didn't know the terrain, being lost in a forest with dangerous animals is tough enough with working eyes, being blind was like.. a death sentence.

--

Careful to not make noise, my feet hurried over the gravel, going directly forward past the wood storage until they reached the grass. Dew had already settled, and it didn't take long for my slippers to grow wet and soggy. I could feel the moisture in the air settle on my skin and hair, and the rough wind tear at my hair and thin nightgown, the smell of a storm coming as the air felt almost electric. My skin was covered in goosebumps as I vigorously rubbed my arms for warmth. My feet continuing forward in a careful manner as I had no way to check for obstacles.

Not long after I saw a flickering light, a voice in the back of my head told me this was a torch, lit to scare off beasts that got too close to the temple. A herbal scent hit my nose as the wind turned to slap harshly across my face. Spider-kelp, Grassroot pepper and ghost weeds mixed with other herbs and oil of the Courtesan's Kiss. I knew what this was, my memory instantly triggered. A mixture of herbs to keep beasts away, like potpourri but not to scent up the linen drawer, instead to scare off beasts, deterrent like a scented mothball.

I moved towards the light, listening for signs of life close by, or signs that someone had seen me and was alerted. After all, I couldn't see, so as for the fields of vision of the intruders, I was in the dark and could only guess my way forward, hoping the buildings still blocked my figure. My movement was slow as I had to constantly poke a foot forward to prod at my surroundings. I wholeheartedly wished for a white cane at this moment, every second still at the temple felt like an eternity where I was just waiting to discovered.

I reached the torch, the fire like a light the darkness, but other than that I couldn't see. I crouched and let my fingers carefully run up the wooden pole, searching for the herbs. The scent was strong, not unpleasant but not great either, almost primal. It made my head dizzy. My fingers finally reached near the base of the fire, close enough to feel the heat yet not close enough to get burnt. I felt the wet oily pouch tied to the pole and quickly used the dagger to cut it off.

Dropping the dagger at the ground, I instantly opened the pouch, the herbal scent assaulting my nose and senses. I dunked my hand into the pouch and let it soak up a lot of the scented oil before I smeared it all over my body. I kept doing it until I felt the warm stinging pain all over my skin, as the oil slowly was absorbed. The herbs at the bottom were useless to me, their usefulness had already been absorbed by the oil. Unfortunately, having made the oil in the past I also knew that it was slightly poisonous on the skin, causing the blood vessels to open and the body to flush with heat. Oil of the Courtesan's Kiss was used in brothels, both as incense to let people relax and loosen up, but also as massage oil mixed with other oils meant for the skin, like an aphrodisiac. Oil of the Courtesan's Kiss should never be used to the extent I was, but I had no other option.

I walked forward towards the dark forest, dagger in one hand, and the pouch tied to the cotton belt around my waist.

--

The light had long faded as I walked, whether the skies had darkened or the tree tops above me swallowed all light, I didn't know and at this point I didn't care. Having tripped a couple of times my knees were sore and throbbing, the skin pierced and bloody. On a side note I had found the stick that had tripped me, and now used it to check my surroundings, swinging it side to side over the ground. I walked in darkness, heart pounding and jumping at every sound. Shaking from the cold and yet sweating from both fear and the oil. My lips throbbing and cheeks flushed as a side-effect from the oil. The bite marks on my skin still bleeding as the oil not only elevated my heart rate and pulse, but the large amount also made it so my blood didn't clog as well as it normally would.

Once in a while I'd hear a howl or a growl of something nearby, but with the scent still heavy in the air, I knew I was safe for a little while longer at least, unless a beast decided to still go for the kill despite the strong scent still on me.

My head had long gone, and I basically stumbled my way forward in a haze of the effects of the oil as well as the strong scent. I wasn't sure where I had come from, nor did I entirely know where I was going. I could only stumble forward. One good thing about my situation was that I no longer felt the pain from my clavicle and the shaking tree tops kept the rain from pouring over me even if the rough wind shook and tore at me. My tired body could continue forward like a mindless zombie, not worrying about the exhaustion. The oil was good for stamina, so it was quite popular among men, at this point it was probably the sole reason I could still carry on forward. Ankles throbbing from the occasional twist and stumble, through the pain had moved to the back of my mind.

The terrain had changed by now, grown harsher and slanted. Steeper on my left side than my right, leaving me to fall clumsily in my daze.

I tripped for the nth time, breathing hard and panting as my hand fell into something icy cold and wet. Regaining my mind a little bit more as the icy cold water droplets hit my face. My head instantly hurt. Pounding behind my eyeballs, like a thousand icepicks were hammered into them. I whimpered in pain and held my walking stick hand to my eyes, instantly dropping the stick. "Fuck." I groaned softly. Only now, focusing my ears to listen to my surroundings. The sound of running water close to my head and something burrowing and scratching in the distance.

Groggily I rose to my feet and stepped forward, having forgotten the water in the pain and immediately fell into a running creek. My entire body submerged for a second under the icy water, I quickly rose and stumbled forward. Desperate to get out. Shaking like a leaf I got up at the other side, and much to my surprise my eyes seemed to have found a cave, luminous shrooms glowing at the foot of the entrance and I could see the little creek run into it. My eyes hurt again, and with a snap of my fingers my vision vanished again.

Stunned, I rubbed my throbbing eyeballs as a high-pitch squeak made me turn my head back. I could hear the clawed feet on the gravel as the claws dug into the ground. Something was coming towards me, and it was coming fast.

I bolted awkwardly forward as I realized the scent had mostly been washed off by the water. The pouch at my hip gone as well, though the oil's effects still heavy in my system. I wasn't sure why I ran to the cave entrance I had seen, I just did. Not thinking of what might be hiding in there, most likely a bear or wolves, all I knew was that this squeak was loud, and it had called for troops. Based on the vibrations from the ground I could tell it was bigger than a rat, more the size of a large cat, and it's claws sounded sharp.

I was not in a condition to fight something I had never seen, and certainly not fight it blind and under the influence. My only option was to run and hope I could sweat the remaining oil out, begging the gods of mercy that the sweat would still carry the herbal scent.

Running forward I had miscalculated where the entrance was, and instantly ran into a sharp rock with my head first. Something jumped towards me and I acted on reflex, turning my body and the dagger cutting through the wind as well as the animal that had come after me. A whimper was left from the beast I had slashed, as I could smell the scent of blood and hear a heavy thump of a body landing hard.

My empty hand felt for the entrance and was quickly rewarded as another of the beast had jumped at me. I moved to the side and slid inside just as a claw ran over my upper arm, striking the same place as the bite wound. I cried out and stumbled a bit. Water and blood mixing on my body. My head throbbed, and I felt something run down the side of my temple. Blood hanging thick in the air around me.

I rushed forward, desperate to escape, as my fingers turned numb from the coarse walls of the cave. The deeper in the cave I ran, the harder it became to breathe. I felt like I was being smothered by a heavy and all-consuming presence, the pressure harsh like going deeper and deeper under water. Even so, I kept running. Fear trickling down my back and body shaking, if not for the oil still on my skin, I would probably have turned back and just fought my way to live.

The beasts following had slowed down the deeper we went, still not willing to give up they ran after me, but not as vigorously as before, like they were being careful.

It suddenly got lighter. Another throb of pain in my head made me stumble into a large pocket within the cave. I fell to my knees. Whimpering in pain and dropped the dagger, not noticing my knees tearing paper from the ground until the pain subsided and I panted exhausted as my hands fell to the ground, one instantly dropping down what felt like a small waterway. Icy flowing water running over my elbow. "Ah!" I gasped and withdrew my arm as the other hand landed on something that instantly tore.

A squeak echoed through the cave room as something jumped at me. Panicked I threw my first, hitting something with rough fur and bolted forward over the little waterway, turning to face whatever had jumped at me as my back hit something hard but warm and unmoving. My knuckles hurting from the impact. I jumped and straightened my back as my senses felt for any movement behind me, but kept my eyes on the large blob that pranced from side to side on the other side of the small waterway. I wasn't sure why it didn't jump over, but it seemed cautious. More blobs came forward to join it, but none of them jumped at me. My eyes seemed to have grown slightly better at discerning shapes and colors. It was still light or dark, but at least I could tell that there were living things opposite of me, although they looked like large blobs rather than beasts.

--

It was like a mexican stand-off, the blobs squeaked at me as they moved from side to side aggressively, but none came at me. Only guarding the dagger I had dropped. If I had to fight them I had to do it bare-handed, and there were at least twelve blobs, varying in size. Fingers checking my body for new injuries, they were soon covered in blood as I tried to stop the bleeding on my shoulder, to no avail, while keeping my focus on the beasts. My back tired from staying straight as it leaned back against the hard warm thing, chills running down my spine.

The staring contest lasted for a while, but considering they didn't take action I turned my attention to what I was leaning against. The warmth causing my body to shake from both cold and pleasure. When was the last time it felt so good to feel warmth against my skin? My wet nightgown clinging to my body, sending a new wave of chills down my spine. The oil clearly making my skin even more sensitive, and I couldn't help but shudder from the warm sensation.

I turned my body, mind hazy from the oil again as I ignored the overpowering and domineering pressure filling up the room, full of killing intent. My fingers gently touching the hard warm something as my body pressed itself against it, begging for warmth.

It was odd. It felt almost like.. a leg? Carefully sculpted, smooth like jade yet warm and comforting like a heated blanket on a cold night. My body pressing against the leg, felt the other leg not far from the one I was currently exploring. I moved closer, as my fingers slid upwards, leaving traces of blood where they had caressed. My mind cloudy as I looked up through my lashes, it almost felt like a statue of a person. My heart beating vigorously again, my breathing heavy and my lips started shaking. My fingers gently feeling every fold carved on the pants of the statue, as they continued exploring upwards in an almost teasing manner. I swallowed my saliva, as a hazy voice in my head told me I was acting like a seductress, trying to seduce a jade statue. I would have laughed at my stupidity if I was in the right mind, but I wasn't. The effect of the oil allowing my primal instincts to take over. Like a beast in heat. I was ashamed, but thankful that no one would see this show I put on.

"So.. warm.." I couldn't help myself from whispering as my body moved upwards, my chest never leaving the warm sensation of the stone beneath it as it slowly moved up. I shuddered, as a loud: BANG made me jump forward and grip at the jade statue, my head worried turned to look behind me. One of the blobs lied dead still at the other end of the room, just as another beastly blob jumped at me, like it was hitting an invisible wall it was flung backwards, hitting the end of the wall hard and dropped dead at the ground. The other beasts retracted a bit, weary of me and the increasingly over-powering pressure in the room. Like a black and murderous aura flowed through the cave. I didn't notice nor did I care.

I knew I wasn't doing it, and I had no idea what happened. My body exhausted and yet on fire, my mind blank but relieved. My head dropped into the lap of the statue. The top of my head resting against the stomach, my shaking upper body at the lower end of the thighs. Breathing hot air down over the lap. A trickle of blood tickling my forehead as I regained my playful curiosity and sat up, wiping it away as my fingers once against started gently exploring. Sliding over the stomach of the statue I felt this was a work of art. I felt every stitch of the fabric, every fold, even the soft sensation of what my lecherous imagination could only think was a six-pack hidden under the well-carved clothing. I licked my lips as I reached a wide well-shaped chest, up the wide shoulders and down a strong pair of upper arms. I didn't notice the soft moan leave my lips, before I bit down hard on the lower lip. A well shaped body of a man. Fingers running down each arm until they reached the hands, and I felt like I could melt into a puddle. Large veiny hands that felt stronger under my gentle inspection, long fingers that sent chills up my spine. I wanted them to touch me, to explore me, to ravage me.

I stopped as my fingers, and the inside of my body, were heating up, burning like rocket fuel, I wanted the warmth so bad that my body moved up to sit on the lap, and I let out a gasp of pleasure as my icy thighs made contact with the warmth of his lap. I sat straddled on him, not the least embarrassed of my promiscuous behavior and the suggestive position. "Ah!" I closed my eyes in pleasure as my backside made contact and sat down, shuddering as the warmth from the statue seemed to have risen. I couldn't help myself from leaning forward, pressing my chest against his, in the deepest of my mind and body wishing he'd come to life. My chest cold against his warm. I shook from cold and my own wicked imagination. My face snuggled into his neck and I breathed in greedily, as the statue all of the sudden gave off an addictive scent. A hint of a man, and something warm and comforting, giving off the same comfort as fresh linen or the scent of coming home, mixed with a soft touch of something floral but not girly, spicy but not overpowering. Fresh, but not chilly. I could lose myself to this scent, I wanted to wear it, wanted to have me surrounded by it, to be one with it.

My thumping heart roaring against the almost burning chest I was leaning on. My skin covered in goosebumps. My hot breath against the skin of his neck as I buried my cold nose against the smooth skin.

A series of high-pitched squeaks made me thrust my body harder against the statue, and as I looked back my throbbing red lips ran across a chiseled jaw, my interest in whatever had happened with the beasts behind me instantly evaporated and my entire focus turned to the face of this sculpture. Lips parted I pulled away from him, trying to get a better look but to no avail. I was still blind. My fingers became my eyes, and I let them softly slide up his wide shoulders, the muscles firm and strong, up his throat over his adams apple, and I bit my lip. They moved up his jaw, strong and sharp. I bit so hard I drew blood, the sweet taste filling my mouth, pain mixed with pleasure. Fingers running up his smooth cheeks over hish high cheekbone to his slanted eyes, they were closed but I could feel the lashes. The artist must be a master of his craft to create such a beautiful and tempting man. His sword-like eyebrows, well maintained, straight and sharp. My pointer finger ran down his straight nose as my other hand embraced the back of his head. Sliding down over long and smooth hair.

Finger tracing over the tip of his nose to the top of his lips, I stared at the face in a blind daze, only being able to imagine the features of this being. Earth-shattering beauty, like the god of sin. With my increasing heart rate a new trickle of blood ran down my face, I wiped it away, annoyed that the tickling forced me to stop touching the godly yet devilish creation. If something so perfect existed, would it be a god or the devil? Fingers returning to his slightly open mouth, my fingers traced the soft full upper lip down to the lower, leaving stains of blood behind. "Handsome." I mumbled softly as my head leaned closer. It felt like I wasn't alone. The previously oppressive pressure had vanished completely, but I still felt a presence of something. Not the beasts behind me, not something living either, I couldn't hear the sound of a heartbeat other than my own, perhaps it was a ghost? A playful smile on my lips as I couldn't help myself but laugh at the fleeting thought. That quickly returned to the back of my mind as I once again focused on him.

I pressed my lips against his, opened my mouth ever so slightly, as the touch felt almost electric and all air seemed lost from my lungs. I gasped for air against his lips, breathing in the scent dazedly as I kissed him passionately again and again. Had he been a man I would have attacked him, thrown myself at him, begged him to touch my shaking, begging and throbbing body. But he wasn't, he was a statue, a handsome and really warm statue. In the back of my mind I wondered if it had always been this warm, but cast the thought aside as my lusty actions had made me move closer to his body in a desperate attempt to throw myself at the it. My inner thigh rubbed against a fold of his pants and I flinched in pleasure and pain.

--

Back in control I dunked my throbbing head against the shoulder of the statue and laughed out.

"What am I doing?" I asked myself aloud with an unamused laugh. "Ah, fuck.." I mumbled as my hand slipped from the back of the statues head down between my legs. My body still throbbing, yearning. I ignored it and moved to my inner thigh to check if I had made the wound worse, cheeks flushed as the soft touch of my finger tip against the wet bite mark made my cry out in a weird mix of pleasure and pain "Hah!.." My ears were burning. Shame filled me. Shame from the fact that I had riled myself up to this extent over a statue carved in jade, that touching a deep and painful wound on my inner thigh made me shudder with pleasure, and shame from the fact that I couldn't control myself in the heat of the moment. I had never been this weak.

Even in my past life I didn't do this, if I had a naughty dream I took a cold shower and moved on. I didn't act on my impulses, and most certainly didn't let my imagination run wild like this. I may have thought a person was attractive, but that was it. I never allowed myself to search for pleasure, not even think about it. Not on my own, and certainly never with someone else! My body had remained pure and cold. Untouched by even myself.

"I am so.." I grumbled as I very reluctantly moved my now bloodstained hand from the wound and sat up, biting my lip hard as the hot lap against my buttocks sent a new ripple of shivers down my spine, to that deep throbbing pit in my abdomen that begged to be comforted. I stopped myself from crying out again.

Suddenly, the thought of the presence I had felt earlier came back to my mind. I listened again. Still no heartbeats other than my own, and turned my head to look back at where the blobs had been. They were still here, all piled around the room, unmoving. I swallowed my saliva. "H-Hello?" I asked out loud, hoping, begging that I would not get an answer.

Silence. The presence still there, but I couldn't see anything behind the statue apart from some blurry shadows on the walls, to the side was something short and long, with a round shadow sitting on top, smaller shadows near it. A.. shrine? A soft tickling sensations ran down my arm from my shoulder, forcing me to think of more important matters than my surroundings. They were safe for now, the presence not threatening or living. Perhaps my imagination had made me think the statue might have some sort of sentience?

"L-let's dress the w-wounds.." I stammered quietly, as the thought of someone looking at me, sent a new wave of pleasure down my body. I tried to regain control. My lower body a hot mess, and a small thought told me it wasn't just blood and water that wet my clothes. The mere thought sent a new line of shame through my head. It's a statue! A warm statue! That's it! No need to get hot and bothered now! No, no need to do that ever!

The lower parts of my nightgown were just slightly damp, the heat in the cave had risen quite a lot to a comfortable, but slightly hot level. I didn't mind as I wasn't shaking from the cold anymore and my wet clothes seemed to dry slowly.

I tore off three pieces of the inner parts of the gown, hoping they were cleaner than the outer parts, but unfortunately I couldn't check and see. Swallowing my saliva I lifted myself up and spread my legs a bit more, trying my best to ignore the tingling sensation as blood teased my inner thighs. I dunked my head back on the shoulder of the statue, and slipped the strip of fabric behind my thigh, my fingernails accidentally touching skin, causing me to shudder involuntarily. Biting my lip again, I bound the fabric and forcefully tightened the knot as a punishment to my body.

"Ah!" I whimpered as my back caved into an arc, my chest resting against the stomach of the statue, my head sliding down the shoulder to the chest of it. Cheeks and ears flushing from embarrassment. It might not have been that bad if I felt I was truly alone, but the presence had my heart pounding.

"Ah, hah. I'll never touch oil of the Courtesan's Kiss again, I'll never touch that fucking flower. It'll be over my dead body." I gasped into his chest as I shivered. "Ah, I still have one more wound i-in the danger zone.." My voice hoarse as I whimpered, feeling ridiculous at my involuntary behavior. My head calming as I breathed in the scent of the stone, it had gotten stronger, not that I minded. I relaxed my body slightly and sighed as I closed my eyes, slowly losing myself to the scent. Fingers gently touching the outer side of my thigh as excitement once again caused my blood to boil.

"No!" I opened my eyes firmly. "Stop, this is embarrassing." I snapped at myself, and looked around. Obviously not seeing anything living and sentient, I found the second strip of cloth. This time I took extra care not to touch my thigh, but the softness of the fabric still sent a chill through my body. I bit my lip hard as I tightened the knot. Pain and pleasure once again caused my blood to boil, but I remained quiet, only breathing heavily, which I tried to keep as quiet as possible.

I sat down once again, ignoring the warmth that rose in my butt-cheeks and untied the cotton belt around my waist, I slid down the shoulder part of the nightgown and wrapped the fabric around the bite and scratch mark on my shoulder, down under my armpit and tied it firmly. "That son of a bitch even bit through cloth.." I cursed as I tied the strip tight over the mark, hoping the bleeding would stop. Wearing the nightgown properly again, I sat in silence. My throbbing body felt empty and unsatisfied, but the fire that had coursed through it had subsided and calmed quite a bit. Giving me time to think of other thoughts than trying to keep my mind and body pure.

My fingers once again ran over the statues body, but not in the lustful way as before, okay only slightly lustful but curious even more so, trying to figure out what exactly was the reason for a statue of this quality to be hidden in a cave, deep in a dangerous forest.

Judging on material the statue sat on, I could guess it was some sort of high-quality wood, it felt smooth but sturdy when i touched it. The tall back of the chair had intricate designs and made me think of the thrones I had seen in the past. My master had a couple of thrones in his mansion from an ancient era of kings and emperors. It felt similar to those.

His clothes were ancient eastern, like a Daopao of ancient China, the collar slightly loosened, his collarbones visible. My fingers had lingered greedy for a second too long, and I only realized it when I swallowed loudly. The design of the clothes even had what felt like an embroidered design, soft knots under my finger tips. My only guess was that this was depicting a nobleman or perhaps even an emperor? I just didn't understand why something so well made was hidden here, until it dawned on me.

Two reasons that could explain why he was here.

1. He was stolen goods and this cave were the treasure trove of the thieves.

2. This was a shrine. That would explain the scent in the air, it was probably incense, as well as the weird shadow to my right, and perhaps also the weird non-living presence I told myself I could feel.

Based on the fact that I didn't smell the scent of metals in the air, I assumed this room wasn't filled with gold and jewelry like I would imagine would fill a thief's hide-out. I therefore ruled out the idea of a hidden treasure trove.

My only other reasonable guess would be that he was a god, and that this was his shrine. I instantly felt bad. Even if I never believed in any gods in my previous life, I knew this world I had stumbled into was filled with magical things. I couldn't rule out the existence of 'gods'. Based on the oppressive aura I had felt the closer I reached the room, and the now soft hidden presence I thought it may be the case. If this really was a shrine, and taking my current position on the depiction of the 'god' in question, I could only rule myself as being extremely rude. I would have laughed at the idea of there being a 'god' in this room before, but now I was no longer so sure. If spirit power existed, who could rule out the existence of gods or spirits?

"If-if there's a god or a spirit here, then I.." I started, voice hoarse and shaking. "I apologize for my.. behavior." Good, let's start with an apology for throwing myself at its depiction.

Quiet. I couldn't even hear the wind outside. "I-I am cold and under the effects of a highly potent.. drug. Thank you for keeping me warm.." I continued, not expecting an answer at this point, I just didn't want to feel the wrath of a spirit the day I was reborn.

The exhaustion of the entire ordeal had left me weak, I could barely sit up straight at this point and felt myself slump back onto his shoulder. Arms tucked around his head. "Sorry, I am just so.. tired.." I whispered against his skin. The fatigue had hit me like a truck, I was spent. This body was spent. My mind tired of thinking and calculating. I just wanted to rest here, on this hot rock and drift into sleep. An odd sense of feeling safe before my eyes closed and I passed out.