Love is not my style

♥......♥

During that period, I was unhappy because my parents kept urging me to be a medical doctor.

What he said was not so untrue. It did make depressed and worried

So, I had to explain the situation to him just so I could let it out of my head and focus on my dreams of being a tourist.

His words were so encouraging and helpful after I explained everything to him.

The idea of not wanting to be in a relationship was pending. He did give me that attraction I didn't see from anyone. It was new to me. It felt like I had found my other half as they say.

He just comforted me with the exact words I wanted to hear and he knew how to make me feel ok.

He took my number and I stored his. Since then, we have met several times after school. The more I spent time with him, the more I felt I had feelings for him.

One day when he told me he loves me. It was funny because I know love takes time to grow fully.

I didn't give him a response because I was not ready nor sure of my feelings.

All I knew was that I felt something for him. But I didn't know if it was just a friendship feeling or something else.

Neither did I know if I felt that way because of our closeness or because of the "wise" words he always encouraged me with.

So one faithful day when we were discussing, I realized how intense he was looking at me. It gave me a hopeless feeling.

"What?" I questioned

"I feel like kissing you" he responded and I shrugged. How could someone possibly say that as though it was nothing serious?

"I'm sorry for saying that. However, that's how I feel...right now. Have you ever kissed someone?" He inquired

"No," I told

He smiled and looked away. I just sat there uncomfortably. Since then, whenever he talks to me, I keep staring at his lips. As a reflex act. I couldn't forget what he said before. It didn't stop replaying in my thoughts.

His words were contagious. Because I started having the urge to kiss him too.

I wasn't desperate. Yet, I kept looking at his lips very often. It was more like an oblivious act. Rather, he felt like I was needing it badly. Maybe I did but couldn't realize it.

So, he asked, "Do you want to kiss me?" I went blank.

"Because you've been staring at my lips for some days now. Even right now as I am talking, you are looking at them" he said, and I looked away at once.

Yes, I was looking at them when he was talking. But I wasn't sure if I needed to do this to dry out my curiosity about kissing someone.

He rolled my face towards him with his hand on my chin. Our eyes sank into one another.

"Do you?" He questioned again and I nodded gently. I needed to do this. Maybe after this moment. I won't have the feeling anymore.

He slowly one-sided his head and placed his lips on mine then moved it slowly.

I didn't know how to react. I never did that before but I followed his lead.

When I started moving mine, I heard my heart sound out of my rib cage within each kiss. I almost stopped to look if I was dead.

It felt so good. Like being under the evening sun and closing your eyes for a gentle breeze to slam your face.

The kiss wasn't a long one but it made me so weak as though I was doing it for an hour. He took my response to his desires as an excuse for his request.

Nevertheless, I still made it clear to him I wasn't sure of my true emotions. He took it normally. He thought I did and that I just needed time to understand it.

But that was not the end. After that day, we had several other kisses. It became habitual.

I was not dating him, but we did things people who dated had never done. I am not talking about Sex. It didn't attain that degree. Though it almost arose.

But guess what! As days enacted, I started discovering the feelings I had for him decreased.

It was weird for me. So, I told him about it. I told him we cannot continue this way because it wasn't getting anywhere. I didn't feel the same way he did.

He explained I shouldn't force the sentiments to come. Because they will at the right time. But when was the right time?! I was not satisfied with his response. To be honest, I felt weird and empty.

I knew something was not right. Every time, before I slept, I felt so guilty. Not because of the things we did in the dark but because I had no feelings for him at all.

It took me time to fully understand why I really felt that way.

I told him I needed a break to fully understand what my emotions were.

He "accepted" my decision ostensibly but secretly, he hated the idea.

After we discussed that, he kept telling me of what happened with all his ex... and bla bla.

I felt bad for him so, I told him we could see once a while and talk. But no touching. He accepted quite all right

But later, due to his influences when we meet, I found myself going back to it. He didn't pretend to recall me of my words. I bet he had everything planned.

Still, it didn't last either, and just like before, I felt that awkwardness I once felt towards him.

So I stopped. This time I made up my mind not to get any close to him. Because I realized he is so empathetic and could cause someone to do something out of their will.

I stayed away from him for days. I stopped texting nor answering his messages.

Soon after, he started mentioning things like suicide and some negative aspects. They got me angry that I blocked his number.

He normally passed by my house once a while when we were still seeing each other. But after what I did, he started coming to my house every day.

My parents loved him so much for some odd reasons.

Whenever he was around, I made sure I locked the door of my room and stayed within until he decides to leave.

He even started being authoritative. As though I was wedded to him.

He always reminds me of how obsessed I was about my parent's torture against my decisions. Meanwhile, he was obsessed. I saw no doubt why his relationships have never been good endings.

I guess all these were signs to alarm me of who I was dealing with. He needed psychiatric help. I never had the chance to confront him about my true feelings for him and how I do not see myself ever loving him. Not just that but that side of him I hate and how he always pretends to be ok with my decisions. He was a hypocrite and he needed to be told that.

Not just because of the annoying things he does but because we are not meant for each other and love is not my style. He must have noticed.

I just couldn't see myself in a relationship moreover with him.

So, I gathered courage and decided to tell him about it.

Just as I was about to meet him, he came to my house on a chilly evening and officially told my parents that we love each other and are planning to get married.

♥.....♥