I don't love myself

Brithney POV

As soon as I reached home, I laid over my birth and wept. It stinks to know the truth. My life has never been the same since my parents treated me like a commoner. I've lived with the hate from my blood. A feeling that cannot be watched away so easily.

Now, look at what it did to me? It destroyed me and made me just like it. Children don't deserve to be treated this way. They deserve love no matter the circumstances in their home.

Do parents see this? Do they see what they do to us? All they think of is their miserable lives and mistakes they can't change.

🎶🎵📲

The sound of my ring tone interrupts my guilt and I groan with my face buried in my pillow, ignoring the caller ID.

Soon after, there is complete silence and I begin to sleep.

~

It's 5 PM as I look at my watch. I recall I am still in my working attire. Cold air from the evening heats me and I look over at my wide-open window. It's Winter season over here. This reminds me of the three-year-old me playing in the snow. Just me and my ignorant mind. Sometimes I wished I remained the child I was. So that I won't have to worry about anything or know what useless adults do.

I lazily wake up and slide my window close. Then walk back to my bed. I slam my butt against it with a fallen face. I'm certain I look very ugly now with all the swollen eyes, cheeks, and lips. I speculate on going to watch my face in the mirror or sit here and think about my life.

My thoughts weigh themselves and I decide to sit back and reflect. I still feel sleepy even after sleeping for hours. I must have cried my soul out.

My eyes wander around my room and I see a yellow light on my phone. I pick it up and unlock the screen.

Romaine?!

I sigh heavily thinking back to the moment he called and I didn't pick. I leave him a message-since ain't in the mood to talk.

*My apologies I was deep into sleep when you called*

This wasn't entirely true but there was a truth to it.

*So sorry for disturbing your precious time. Just wanted to check on you.*

He replied instantly as if he was waiting for my text. Maybe.

*Thanks for caring. I'm very ok. Hope you are too* Send

*Sure. I was thinking of inviting you over if you feel bored*

I look away from my phone for a minute before answering back

*I'm not sure I'd make it. I still feel sleepy*

I declined not because I am feeling sleepy even though it's true. But because I don't want him interrupting me about my mood. I usually stay away from people when I'm sad. I won't be able to behave normally and he will notice.

*Ok. You should have more rest then. And also, I want you to know that...I got you.*

This softens my heart. I felt my breath speed up just with his last words.

*Thank you, Romaine. I won't forget this*

*Don't mention.*

I smiled at his response and re-rested my phone on the bed before going to change my clothes.

...

Katty decides to go to the mall to get some accessories with Apriva.

They tore the mall for an hour and head to the checker to pay for them. A woman walks past Apriva with the familiar bag, shoe, and necklace. Katty's favorite.

She pauses for a moment after seeing the woman then walks to her in curiosity.

"Hi" she greets and the woman gives her a most confused look.

"Hi..."

"Could you have stolen me with a rope?"

The lady squints her eyes and Apriva hit Katty's arm

"I-I meant you have good taste because all these-she gesticulates with her hands-are my favorite."

The lady smiles at her and looks past Katty at Apriva who is impatiently wanting to leave.

"I know you. Right?"

Apriva nervously blinks her eyes "Yeah, nice to meet you once again"

"Oh...you know each other?" Katty looks at both of them.

"Yes. We met at my boyfriend's place-"

"Yes. She's right" Apriva cuts in at once gaining a slightly confused look from the lady.

"Alright then. It's a pleasure meeting my with rope mate"

The lady gives her another smile but faintly before reciprocating

"I have to go"

"Sure" Katty response with a wide grin

The lady walks off and Apriva breaths out in relief but later on, she stops in her tracks and re-faces Katty.

"Uhh...well, these clothes aren't my favorite. But I like them."

Katty frowns and Apriva's heart raises again

"Oh, I see...trying new things."

"Not really. I got them from my boyfriend's exes with rope"

Apriva's face falls and Katty raises her fonts.

"Ohh really?!"

"Yeah,"

"I don't understand why she'd leave her clothes with him if they're not together"

"Me too. Maybe she's wealthy so, she doesn't care about them"

"I guess. Because this is pretty expensive"

Apriva just makes a silent prayer so this topic closes.

"By the way I'm Katty"

The lady pauses for a second before receiving Katty's hands.

"I'm Rose. Roswell, but friends call me Rose"

"It's a pleasure to meet you once again Rose."

They release hands from one another's grasp.

"Katty we're late" Apriva reminds

"I shouldn't take any more of your time"

"No no, it's ok. We're just preparing for a girls party this night."

"I see..." The lady nods, her eyes sparkling its beauty as the only treasure in the mall.

"Why-don't I just invite you?"

Apriva coughs "You never know if she has some other program Katty"

"No that'd be great. I'd love to attend with you guys. When does it start?"

"9 PM. It's an all-night"

"I should get your number then"

"Sure" Katty recites the digits

"Katty...done. I'd call you" the lady uttered

"And I'd send you the address"

She smiles and walks away leaving Katty with a pretty smile and Apriva with heart failure.

...

"What's wrong with you? We sent you several messages. Didn't you receive it?" Katty yells as soon as she saw Brithney coming.

"I'm not in the mood to talk tonight"

"So you're just not gonna answer us?"

"Let her be. We'd question her later" Ciara said coming with glasses and a bottle of wine.

"Where is the food I'm hungry" Apriva gestures her head towards the kitchen.

"Always wanting to eat but you don't get Fat"

Apriva brings her gaze to Katty who is now scrolling over her phone as though she said nothing.

"Apri just help me get the fish and cheese beef" Ciara orders

"You sent the wrong person" Katty talks back but Apriva doesn't wait to get more insults as she matches away to get the food.

"What is the name of the lady you invited?" Ciara questions

"Rose" she response still looking at her phone.

"Who's she?" Brithney finally speaks

"She's a lady I and Apriva met in the mall"

"Back to you. What's up with your mood?" Katty says

"Is this still about the note Leonel's wife wrote?" Ciara says while arranging the table.

"Do you think I don't love me?" Brithney questions

They both give her a confused look and Ciara ceases her movements.

"Where is this theology from?" Ciara requests

"I know I shouldn't be listening to that sick head but-he said something quite true. He said I don't love myself that's why I can't find love with anyone."

"Good you know you're not supposed to be listening to him so wipe that off your brain," Katty says

"Maybe..." Ciara utters and they swiftly shifted their attention to her.

"Maybe he's right. Maybe you don't love yourself and struggling not to give that space in your heart to anyone. I've studied for a very long time. You're always obsessed with your life and what people say about you. If you loved yourself, it won't bother you what that crook said. But it did. You lost control just as you always do. You let your emotions run you. I know you went through a lot but I believe you can do better than this. Just let love heal you"

They were speechless while Apriva came with the food both on the plate and her mouth.

She pauses at the awkward silence and they bring their gaze to her

"Did I miss something?" She askes

To be continued...