Whispers in the Dark

Simon sighed, pouring himself a drink. Why did it have to be like this? He knew that he should be glad. The doctors had told him before that there was a chance that Davie might never wake up. Truly, he was lucky to have only waited for a month. Wasn't he? But somehow, this seemed worse. At least before he could pretend that Davie was just sleeping, that he could wake up at any time and smile at him, laugh with him, kiss him. When he finally did wake up, Simon had been so happy, so relieved.

He had never expected that this day would hurt like this. It hurt just like the moment he had heard Davie's body hit the concrete. It felt like he had lost him all over again. The only person that truly mattered to him.

But no! No, he couldn't let himself think that. Although Dr. Park couldn't be certain yet, she had said that memories recovered in many cases of amnesia. He had to keep hoping.

And yet he couldn't help but remember how Davie had looked at him. The pain and confusion in his gaze. Simon had wanted nothing more than to hold him, kiss him, comfort him. Make that hurt go away. But to Davie, he was a stranger. Not his friend of nearly 7 years. Not his boyfriend. Not even that idiot who sat behind him in English. To Davie, he was only "Simon Whitney," the man who he had apparently risked everything for. The man who had cried next to him, claiming to be close with him.

And how had Davie stayed calm in all this? How could Simon have been the one to break? Why had he been the one who needed comforting, and Davie the one to provide it? Davie, the one whose body was broken and whose mind was lost. Yet Simon was the one who had cried. Perhaps, when you don't know what you've lost, you don't know what to cry for.

At least Davie was alive. Even if he never regained his memories, even if he never loved Simon again, at least he was alive. Even without his memories, he was still the same person that Simon had loved before. The same thoughtful, caring idiot that he had fallen for.

He let out a breath, long and slow, as the last of the alcohol burned its way down his throat. He had been lucky, to have been visiting when Davie woke up. He had taken to visiting only at night. It made it easier to pretend he was just watching him sleep beside him as he drifted off into his own slumber. Now, it was especially late. He knew he should go to sleep. Should he go back to his own bed? But- no. It felt unbearably empty without Davie there beside him. Besides, he had been sleeping in that damned armchair for nearly a month. There wasn't really any point in stopping now, was there?

Simon didn't even bother to clean up after himself. It was just a half-emptied bottle of liquor and a single glass. It wasn't something that would be too much trouble to clean up in the morning. He got up, stretching slightly, before making his way back to Davie's room. He hesitated outside the door, listening to the faint *beep*s coming from the monitoring machines. He opened the door as quietly as he could. He didn't want to wake Davie. The light from the hallway was enough for Simon to make out the interior of the room. Before he closed the door, his gaze fell on Davie's sleeping form. His heart ached with longing. How could he miss someone so much who was right there in front of him? He sighed, before quietly making his way closer to Davie. Simon smoothed back the sleeping man's hair and leaned down, lightly and tenderly placing a kiss in between his eyebrows.

"I love you." He whispered. He sniffed, standing back up, before finally closing the door and plunging the room into darkness. It was lit only by the soft glow of the machines, which beeped quietly with Davie's pulse. Simon found his way to the armchair, before pulling a worn blanket over himself. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he sighed.

"What did I do to deserve you?" He whispered into the dark, only to be met by silence. "You stupid, beautiful man. Why did you have to do that?" He questioned softly. "You could've died. And I never would've forgiven you." Simon let out a shaky breath, staring at Davie's silhouette. Still there was no answer. "I'm sorry." He whispered into the night air. He sat there in his thoughts for a while, until the world faded off around him into dreams.